His voice suddenly became overwhelmingly gentle, and a sense of calm flooded my mind. “You could try that, but seeing as I don’t have the beating heart, I don’t think you’ll have much of an effectonme.”
I thought about that for a moment and then tried to draw in my memory the articles I read on vampires. I realized nothing I’d read actually mentioned a stake, and I must’ve pulled that stupid idea from television shows and movies. I groaned to myself but didn’tanswerhim.
“Well given the fact that our mental connection seems to be growing stronger,” his voice said in my mind. “We’re going to have to have a serious talk about yourbehaviour.”
I sat there and huffed in my bed as boiling anger wrapped up inside of my body. “Fuckyou.”
“After the night you’ve had?” A bitter chuckle sounded in my mind, giving me the feeling his laugh wasn’t oneofjoy.
“That’s none of you God damn business,” I said angrily. I was speaking out loud now, not that I really needed to. He seemed to be able to sense my thoughts, but I couldn’t keep my anger inside. I needed to scream at someone, or hit something. I clenched my fists around my blankets, and before I realized what I was doing, I had torn my duvet and feathers had scattered in the air in frontofme.
I pushed my duvet off me and began pacing back and forth in mybedroom.
“I need you to explain what’s happening to me,” I finally said after taking a few collective breaths. “I don’t understand it, I don’t like it, and I absolutely cannot let it fucking continuelikethis.”
I felt giving demands to a vampire wasn’t going to get me very far, considering the fact that he was the head vampire of the entire local coven and I was nothing but a identity-less tramp living in a rundown apartment in Camden. But I knew in my heart that I had to do everything that I could to break this connection with Erik. I refused to share what ever pathetic existence that now remainedwithhim.
“You know just as much as I,” his voice finally echoed in my mind. “Perhaps this is better discussed in person.” He sounded tired. Could vampires even betired?
I shook my head and then realized he couldn’t see me. “Absolutely not. Not happening. Don’t you dare send anymore of your lackeys over here to drag me into a meetingwithyou.”
“From what I understand, you came quite willingly.” He now soundedamused.
I rolled my eyes. “What the hell was I supposed to do, fight two vampires in myownhome?”
Another long silence came and I stopped pacing. I rubbed my eyes in exhaustion and then made my way back to my bed and collapsed in a defeated heap on the mattress. I began to shake uncontrollably, whether out of exhaustion or shock, Ididn’tknow.
“Areyouokay?”
His question made me pause. Was he genuinely concerned about my well-being? I shook my head again, knowing full well that there’s no way that that was what he hadintended.
I ran my hands down along my body and my hands rested between my legs. My body was sore and the idea that he had been present to the entire night at the club made me feel like I was on display. It was an invasion of privacy. “This can’t be happening,” Iwhispered.
“I’m afraid,itis.”
“Stay the fuck out ofmyhead.”
“Oh, Miss Rose. You have no idea how much I wish Icould.”
12
Ihad spentthe past few days alone in my apartment, not seeing so much as a person apart from when I ordered take out onceaday.
I couldn’t wrap my brain around this whole thought sharing thing with Erik, and I refused to go out and interact with other people if he was able to listen in on everything I said. It is one thing for him to invade my thoughts, but for him to invade other people’s conversations was taking it just that one steptoofar.
It took us a couple days to get used to the new shared emotions, and at any given time I wasn’t sure if I was the one feeling something or if itwashim.
I woke up exhausted and angry yesterday with no reason to be. Stocking round in my room, hating the world, angry and bitter and full of self-loathing, it took a while to realize that I wasn’t feeling this way at all.Erikwas.
I now began every day by looking myself in the mirror and telling myself how I felt. It took a while to differentiate my own feelings from his, but eventually I figured it out. It was the fifth day that I had spent alone that I began to get anxiousinside.
I’d completely blocked out his thoughts, at least I thought I had. Realistically, he was probably finally just giving me some privacy. I didn’t want to ruin the peace, so I never tested it by thinking anything out loud that he might respond to. It was a conscious effort to keep my thoughts to myself, despite the fact that he obviously could still hear them. But I tried very hard not to ask any questions or think anything that he might feel the need to getinvolvedwith.
I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, and it was around noon on Saturday. It was raining outside, and the dampness on the window set in and I covered myself with a blanket stay warm. I rolled back and forth and tossed and turned in bed, and then got up and began pacing the room again. I desperately needed to go out and see people. Anyone, really. It wasn’t healthy to stay cooped up inside with no one totalkto.
Well, I suppose I did have someone to talk to, but I was determined not to talk to himatall.
With a loud yawn and a big stretch, I pushed myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom to stare myself in the mirror again. I was feeling anxious and I needed to tell myself that everything was going to be okay. To remind myself that I was still here, with my own thoughts and my ownidentity.
