An hour later, unpacked and refreshed by a dip in his hot tub followed by a long stint in the high-pressure rain shower, Scott was shovelling forkfuls ofgallo pintointo his mouth, his taste-buds exploding with spicy sweetness. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until Paola had filled his plate with rice, beans and picadillo, the aromas making his mouth water.
‘So, what made you all want to come here, on the retreat?’ said Carly. ‘Have you been fans of Hannah for a while? How long have you been following her online?’
Well, this is an easy one.
‘I’ve been following her for years – I’ve probably watched all her videos,’ said Scott, laughing. ‘My mates think I’ve lost the plot, but she really helped me – I’ve not always felt like I fit in, and Hannah gave me a community. She made me feel... understood.’When for so much of my life, I’ve felt like a mystery to everyone – including myself. ‘I couldn’t believe it when she announced the competition – the chance to come and actuallymeether,’ he went on. ‘I fully poured my heart out in that video.’
He stopped himself from saying the rest: that he’d told Hannah all the things he didn’t want anyone else to know inthat video: the cruel voice that lived inside his head, the judgements it made about everything he said and did. He told her about the way he went through life alwayslookingas though he was fitting in – saying the right things, doing what other people thought he should, with his mates, in his job as a park ranger – but that underneath, he was exhausted from the effort. It was as though he was wearing a bodysuit made of malleable plastic that he could only take off when he was at home, alone, with his apartment door closed.
He’d said all that, and then he’d sent the damn video, tried to forget about it and let it go. ‘I thought it was a total long shot,’ he said. ‘So, when I got the email telling me I’d won a place – well, I almost keeled over in shock. Now here I am.’
Here I am.There was a silence around the table. He’d been talking for too long, hadn’t he? He felt himself flush. He’d already made a fool of himself, no doubt. Said far too much.Bloody hell, Scott.All mouth, no brain.
‘OK, me next.’ Naya cleared her throat; Scott smiled at her gratefully. ‘I started following Hannah about a year ago. Someone recommended her to me – suggested I start watching some of her videos, in case they could help me.’ She paused, looked at the others. ‘And she did – help me, that is. You remember when she made that series about how we shouldn’t always take medical diagnoses at face value – that there is so much that can be done to heal the mind and body when we work with the spirit?’
Scott nodded; he’d watched all Hannah’s videos five times at least. ‘Western medicine gets so much wrong,’ he remembered Hannah saying. ‘What so-called doctors calldisease– everything from dementia to cancer to schizophrenia to Covid – are simplyenergetic blockages, usually from negative emotions trapped within the body. Once you release these through deep energetic cleansing, you will achieve perfect health.’
‘Well, it was just what I needed to hear,’ Naya was saying. ‘Especially these last few months, when I’ve been having a hard time – with my kids, working long hours in my nursing job, parenting alone since I split up from their father.’
Her voice wobbled then, and she broke off. Scott felt a pang of something in his chest; he rubbed at his breastbone until it went away. ‘I could feel myself slipping down into something... somewhere bad,’ she said. ‘But Hannah, everything she has taught me – she’s helped me so much. The idea of having some one-on-one time with her – her making a dedicated programme just for me, helping me find ways to improve mine and my kids’ wellbeing – and in such a beautiful place, no expenses spared – well, it was too amazing to miss. Even if...’ She tailed off again, looked down sadly.
‘Even if what?’ said Carly, her tone gentle.
Naya met her eyes. ‘Even if I’ve had to leave my young children behind with my mother for the week. That was hard – I’ve never left them for so long before. In fact, I’ve never left them at all.’
‘Oh, well, I understand that perfectly – it’s not stupid at all,’ said Ben.
Naya looked at him, eyes hopeful. ‘You have children too?’
‘Ah, no, not exactly,’ he said, looking embarrassed. ‘In fact, I’m sorry, it’s not the same at all – but I’ve had to leave my dog Blondie behind. She gets mad when I’m away!’
Naya laughed. ‘Well, then, it’s almost the same.’ Her laugh faded then, and she looked away. ‘It feels extra hard, though,leaving my kids – they are autistic,’ she said softly. ‘I’m honestly not sure how they’ll manage without me for a week – even though I know my mother will take good care of them.’ Scott heard her voice catch.
‘You didn’t leave them with their dad?’ asked Ben. It sounded blunt to Scott’s ears, though he’d been wondering the same thing.
A flash of anger passed across Naya’s lovely features, before she said tightly, ‘No, I’d never leave them with him.’
‘That must be tough for you,’ said Carly. ‘I’ve worked with parents of neurodivergent children in therapy, and it’s not easy – especially not when you’re doing it on your own.’
Naya gave a quick, grateful smile, then seemed to force herself to brighten. ‘All the more reason for me to be here – I’m sure Hannah will give me some ideas to help me support them, ease some of the things they struggle with. She seems to know how to deal with anything and everything.’
She turned to the person sitting next to her. ‘So, Ben, you next. What made you want to come here?’
Ben leaned back in his chair, shrugged. ‘Well, Hannah is something pretty special, I guess,’ he said. ‘And so is this place – I’ve always wanted to come to Costa Rica.’ He paused, seemed to deliberate over something, then: ‘I gotta say, I don’t agree with everything she believes in – like some of the stuff about spirit guides is a little far out for me.’ Scott bristled at that; why did Hannah want him here if he didn’t even believe in all of her teachings?
‘But I feel like I’ve been stuck on the same issues for so long – so when she said that thing about how we would leave here transformed?’ Ben said. ‘That’s what I’ve been waiting for. I can’t carry on the same way. I can’t change by myself, so...yeah. I’m here hoping she can help me.’ He looked at Mira. ‘So, how about you?’
Mira smiled. ‘Yes, I loved what she said about leaving here transformed too,’ she said. ‘In my video, I talked about what a hard time I’ve been having over the past year or so. About how I’d never travelled outside of Europe, let alone somewhere like Costa Rica. I told her it would be the chance of a lifetime for me, and I’d be open to doing whatever exploration – whatever work – she wanted me to do. And I am – I really am.’
Mira’s voice was so gentle, but the passion in her dark eyes, and on her quietly pretty, delicate features, burned through. ‘Wow,’ said Scott. ‘She’s made quite an impact on us, hasn’t she? Same for you as well, Carly?’
‘She changed my life,’ said Carly. A shadow passed over her face then, her bright expression faltering. ‘I went through something – something hard – a couple of years back. Things with my ex-girlfriend... they didn’t end well at all. But following Hannah, listening to her – it’s what’s kept me going.’ She smiled. ‘And I’m a therapist; I’ve worked with so many people who are struggling with their mental health.’ She sighed. ‘Hannah has such a unique take on dealing with things like depression and anxiety. So, everything I learn from her, I can pass on to my clients as well. I can spread Hannah’s message.’
Ben shifted in his chair. ‘You could spread it more easily if she was actuallyhereto teach us, though, right?’ he said, his tone harsh.
Scott was starting to get riled up; irritated by Ben’s negativity. ‘I’m sure she’d be here if she could,’ he snapped. ‘You’veseen the weather outside – it wouldn’t be safe for her to try and travel back here now, in that.’
Ben arched an eyebrow. ‘Well, sure, but everyone knew the storm was coming – so why did she head out in it right before we were due to arrive?’
