The pain – the awful, tender throbbing that had first alertedher that something was wrong, deep in her body. It was a different kind of pain from anything else she’d ever experienced; it was unique, and that meant she knew exactly what it was. The cancer was still spreading. The tumours that the chemo had started to make a dent in were too deeply rooted for her body to shake off – at least, not without more treatment. Real, proper medical treatment, not trying to grasp one last life-affirming experience in the middle of a rainforest.
Another stab of pain hit her, deep in her spine. A vision of the cancerous cells multiplying inside her body flashed into her mind: she imagined them pushing through her skeleton with a vengeance, on a mission to destroy her. She stifled a sob. Just when she’d decided she wanted to embrace life, she’d left it too late.
And yesterday she’d witnessed something else that was causing her to revisit the crushing weight of grief; that life was over long before it should be: Hannah was dead. The woman who had shone a light into the darkest of places, who seemed to only want to help people. And it looked like some evil person had done this to her on purpose; that maybe they had orchestrated all of this, like the plot of some awful horror film.
She swallowed; the sensation painful in her dry throat.Water. How long had it been since she’d drunk anything? The humidity here meant that – even in the relative cool of the early morning – she was constantly sweating. She must have lost a half-litre of water from her body overnight just lying on the ground. She was about to reach out for whatever was left in her water bottle, but then she remembered the people she was out here with. Most of all, she remembered Naya, and what she’d told her last night.
She needs this more than me. I should save it for her.
Mira put the bottle back down, moved to stand up – but was hit by a rush of vertigo and slumped back to the ground. Perhaps she shouldn’t be trying to move yet – she was more exhausted than she thought.
‘Hey,’ said Ben. Mira looked up. Ben was standing, gathering his things, stuffing them in his backpack. He was pale, with dark grey circles settling underneath his eyes. He looked like he’d been awake all night. ‘How are you holding up?’
Mira opened her mouth to speak. But instead, she felt her hands start shaking again, fresh tears forming behind her eyelids. She said nothing in the end; only managed to shake her head.
‘Yeah,’ said Ben. ‘Me too. Well, the only small piece of good news is, it’s getting light now, so we can get the hell out of here. And the staff back at Hannah’s place – they must have sounded the alarm by now, seeing as we didn’t make it back last night. There’ll be a search and rescue team out looking for us already – there has to be.’
Mira turned to look at the other three still huddled on the ground, jackets and towels wrapped around them. Even though there’d been no more rain overnight and the sun was already shining, the morning air was still cool. She let her gaze linger on Naya’s face; one of her hands was cupped underneath her cheek like a pillow. Her mouth had turned down slightly at the edges. Her brow was furrowed, her lids flickering gently. Mira observed her like this for a moment until, as if feeling her watching, Naya stirred slightly.
‘Ouch,’ Mira hissed as a jolt of pain erupted from between her ribs. Her voice woke the other two. Carly sat up first, rubbing her eyes. They were swollen and bloodshot, with largepurple rings underneath. Next to Carly, Naya sat up slowly, gingerly, taking deep breaths as she moved. Mira wondered if she was trying to quell her nausea.
‘Morning, guys,’ Ben said. ‘Are we all OK?’
‘I think so,’ said Scott weakly.
‘Just about,’ said Carly, with a sad twist of her mouth. ‘Let’s get up and going soon, shall we?’
‘Hey,’ Scott said. ‘I think we should definitely use the sun to help us navigate today. I know we tried it yesterday, but if we take it more slowly and concentrate on keeping it in view, it should help us.’
Carly, squatting now to put her stuff in her bag, looked thoughtful. ‘It’s a good idea – but the jungle is so thick, we can barely see the sun through the canopy.’
Mira looked upward, squinted through the foliage, caught only a slim flash of the rising sun beyond the tall trees. Carly was right: it was hard to make it out clearly. But perhaps they could see enough to at least attempt it.
She decided to try to stand up again, to see if she could get a better view of the sky that way. Slowly she moved her legs in front of her, had just started to stretch upwards when a sharp stab of pain jabbed her between the eyebrows. She clutched a hand to her forehead, wobbled on her feet and reached towards a nearby tree to steady herself. The pain subsided.
‘Are you OK, Mira?’ said Scott, rushing towards her.
She nodded weakly. ‘Just a headache, I think.’
‘Let’s find you something to eat – you need some calories to get you through the hike back... are there any snacks left in your bag from yesterday?’ asked Naya.
Mira shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing left.’
‘Not at all,’ said Naya. ‘Totally understandable you didn’t bring much – we only thought we’d be out for a few hours. OK, let me see then,’ she said, as she started to rifle through her bag, pulling out her first-aid kit, an empty water bottle, a head scarf and then, finally, a protein bar and a squashed looking banana that Mira vaguely remembered seeing yesterday when they’d been examining all their supplies.
‘Here – take it,’ she said, shoving the banana into Mira’s hand.
‘Are you sure?’ said Mira. ‘You should eat something too – especially now we know you’re—’ She stopped, but not before a flash of something – concern? curiosity? – ran across Scott’s face.
‘I’ll just take the protein bar – you have the banana,’ Naya said, unwrapping it.
‘Is there enough to share with everyone?’ said Ben. ‘Though I guess some of us need it more than others...’
Mira saw Naya pause, the bar halfway to her lips. She put it down – her cheeks had flushed a little; Mira wasn’t sure whether she looked annoyed or embarrassed.
‘I don’t think we agreed what to do with the food yesterday, did we?’ said Naya. ‘But yes, I’m sorry – of course, we should share it out. Here, take half of this,’ she said, snapping the bar in two and handing it over.
Ben reached out to take it, then seemed to change his mind. ‘Don’t worry,’ he muttered. ‘I’m not hungry anyway.’
