Naya’s stomach growled. ‘My plate!’ she exclaimed. ‘I think my belly heard you.’
‘Poor choice of words,’ said Mira. The two women looked at each other for a moment, then dissolved into giggles. Withinseconds, tears were pouring down their faces. It wasn’t even that funny, thought Naya, but a moment of hysteria was helping to release something.
Gradually their laughter died away.
‘I never wanted to have children,’ said Mira quietly. ‘I just knew motherhood wouldn’t suit me – I wouldn’t have had the energy or the patience for it. It’s one of the reasons I married Ezra – he was happy to devote himself to his work and studies as a rabbi, rather than have a family.’
Naya thought for a moment. ‘And do you ever regret it? Not having kids?’ The question came out more bluntly than she’d intended; clumsy. It sounded like a judgement, and Naya was the last person to judge anyone else for their life choices, given the moments of regret she’d had about her own. ‘I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, I—’
‘No, it’s fine,’ said Mira, touching Naya lightly on the arm. ‘I didn’t take offence. Trust me, my extended family have made much worse comments than that. And to answer your question – yes, sometimes I do regret it, in a way. I think about the road I didn’t travel, about what I’ve missed out on. Especially when I see my brother and sister with their beautiful children, and how much joy they bring them. But...’ Mira paused for a moment. ‘I still know it was the right decision for me.’
She squeezed Naya’s hand. ‘And what about you? Do you ever regret your decisions?’
Naya raised her eyebrows. Now,thatwas a question.
She’d had thoughts, in her hardest, loneliest moments – thoughts that she wasn’t proud of, and that she’d never shared with anyone. About how she wasn’t cut out to be a mother ofautistic children; that she was failing them, that they’d be better off with someone else.
But they were temporary notions, fleeting ideas that came in the quiet hours of the night, that she secreted away in her heart. And then they passed, and she came back to herself, and she knew with her entire being that her children were exactly who they were meant to be, and that she was exactly the mother that they were supposed to have. She wouldn’t change the way her life had gone so far – well, except for one thing.
And that felt like a truth she could share with Mira.
She shook her head. ‘The only thing I regret is who I chose to be their father,’ she said sadly.
‘Ah, I see.’ Mira nodded. ‘We can’t always help who we fall in love with, I suppose.’
Naya sniffled, squeezed Mira’s hand in her own. There was a long silence; then finally, Mira sighed. ‘Oh God, how long have we been here? The others will be wondering what’s happened to us. Do you feel ready to go back?’ She gave Naya a knowing smile. ‘Scott will be getting worried about you.’
Scott.
Hearing his name, a warmth rose in Naya’s chest – followed almost instantly by a rush of something else: sadness; loss. Her growing attraction towards him was problematic enough – they lived on the other side of the world from each other, for starters, and her status as a single mother of two autistic children was enough to put off men who lived even on the same street. But now? Pregnant too? Surely this would be a death knell for any potential future romance.
It wasn’t just her nerves about seeing Scott, though; the idea of having to see any of the others felt exhausting. Therewas sure to be more hushed, panicked discussion about Hannah, and their safety out here overnight. She was fraught enough; she didn’t think she could stand it. And yet she could hardly hide out here in a corner of a dark rainforest with nothing but a pregnancy test and her tiny, growing embryo for company.
‘You’re right,’ she said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. ‘Let’s head back to the group and try to get some rest.’
Using the tree behind her to help herself up, she stood and supported Mira to do the same, then the pair made their way back through the foliage towards the sound of the others’ voices.
When they emerged into the clearing, Scott jumped straight to his feet.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked. ‘You’ve been gone for ages – and Mira, you should have told us you were going to find Naya.’
‘We’re fine,’ said Mira, a firm edge to her voice. ‘Naya was just helping me go to the toilet – I’m still pretty unsteady on my feet.’
Naya smiled at Mira gratefully. She didn’t know how safe she was out in this rainforest tonight, but at least her secret was – for now, anyway.
BEN
If Ben thought he’d suffered from insomnia before, he was wrong. He’d never tried to get to sleep the night after stumbling across a dead body –Hannah’sdead body.
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her: Hannah’s broken form, motionless, crawling with insects, blood seeping from her head. Lying there, soon to be devoured by the creatures of the jungle. Behind his shut lids, the images grew more and more hideous – nightmarish visions of her body surrounded by vultures; flocks of them picking her flesh clean until there was nothing left of her except pale bones.
The visions made him want to cry out, or sob, or vomit. In the end, the only escape from them was to force his eyes to stay open, try to adjust to the deep gloom of the damp forest around him. He tried to focus on his breathing, to force his body to relax, but he could barely keep still, he was so damn uncomfortable. The stack of branches covered over with his lightweight jacket in place of a mattress kept digging into his spine; the rucksack under his head as a pillow was too solid and bumpy to relax into. He had no blanket, nothing to cover himself with – nothing to protect him from the thousands ofinsects that were no doubt waiting to crawl all over his limbs, his hair, his face.
The clouds and mist had all but disappeared now, showing glimpses of a star-studded expanse and a moon hanging high in the small sections of sky Ben was able to make out through the dense canopy. The lack of cloud cover was good on one hand, as it meant another storm and heavy rainfall was unlikely while they were out here exposed all night. But on the flipside, the lack of insulation meant the temperature seemed to have dropped by at least fifteen degrees since it got dark. And while it wasn’t exactly cold, there was enough of a chill in the air for Ben to wish he had at least a thin layer protecting him.
He knew he wasn’t the only one lying there tortured by thoughts, uncomfortable and wide awake. He could feel eyes on him, but he didn’t know whose – whether it was the stares of one of his companions, or one of the jungle’s nocturnal creatures, sizing him up. He could hear Scott rustling around in the dark close to him too, and a little further away, there were fraught whispers coming from where Naya and Mira were lying down to rest.
His mind drifted to his companions, and everything they’d said this evening. They’d talked over and over the events of the day as they’d set up camp before dusk. The questions, murmured by all of them in dazed, anxious voices. The terror they all felt; the confusion.
