‘Me too,’ said Naya.
Carly thought back to when she’d packed her bag that morning: she’d felt uneasy about what they were doing – starting the retreat without Hannah – but she’d had no idea, not the vaguest notion, of what lay in store for them. It seemed like a lifetime ago, like a different world. Truth be told, since arriving here yesterday, she already felt like a different person altogether.
‘Mira, how about you?’ said Ben. ‘Do you have anything left?’
‘I’ve got nothing,’ she said. ‘Feel free to take a look in my bag...’ She pulled it down from her shoulders, held it out.
‘Don’t worry, there’s no need,’ said Scott. ‘We’re going to keep walking and get back soon, well before we run out – I’m sure of it.’
They set off again. They walked for another fifteen, perhaps twenty minutes. The sun had started to dip lower in the sky; it was almost invisible now behind the shroud of trees and branches. The temperature had dropped slightly too, but the thick humidity still clung in the air; it tasted damp, smelled mildewy.
And we’re still no closer to getting out of the rainforest.
‘It’s going to get dark soon,’ said Naya from behind her, voicing Carly’s own thoughts. ‘What are we going to do if we can’t find our way back before night falls?’
Think, think.Carly wanted to find a way to reassure her – people needed a voice of calm at a time like this. Her brain raced through the options, gathered her thoughts.
‘Listen,’ she said. ‘We’ll get back there – even if we don’t make it tonight...’Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
‘Hang on a minute,’ said Ben. ‘What do you mean, if wedon’t make it tonight? Do you think we’re going to be stuck out here until tomorrow?’
Carly’s heart began to pound. She shouldn’t have shared her fear out loud – but they couldn’t avoid it: it was getting dark. No matter how good Scott’s navigation skills were, they had no chance in the pitch black with only a couple of small torches to guide them. She knew what the jungle was like at night – she’d been in one before.
The memory of her last time in a rainforest startled her like a splash of cold water to her face. She’d never been up for doing the plant medicine, but the group circles, the open sharing had brought Carly and her fellow travellers insights that she’d never before have believed possible. The way she fell in love with the people she was there with, felt an intimacy, a depth of connection with them that she’d never known before, or since.
And, of course, Robyn.
Carly saw her face for a second; felt a sharp jolt in her chest. She’d never been heartbroken before Robyn, not really. She’d not known what it was like to love someone, and then have to watch them change; to drift away slowly, leaving nothing but empty longing and painful memories.
Come on, not now.Pull yourself together, Carly.She knew this wasn’t the time for reminiscing, for becoming overwhelmed by her sadness.
To her relief, Scott took charge again. ‘Let’s just take another quick look at the map.’ Scott dug the map from his bag, unfolded it for the group; they all stared at it. ‘Look, we’re making progress – we must be on this path now, the one heading towards that stream – the big one.’ He ran his tongue over dry lips. ‘That means we’re going in the right direction.’
‘Exactly,’ agreed Carly. ‘And remember, Hannah’s rainforestisn’t that big – we just need to keep moving and we’ll be out of here in no time.’
‘I don’t know, man,’ said Ben, shaking his head. ‘The thing with this jungle is, everything looks the same – in every direction. It’s hard to know which way is up and which way is down – especially when it’s starting to get dark.’
‘I know that, for God’s sake, I—’ Carly snapped. She stopped herself, shook her head apologetically; she wasn’t being fair. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to have a go at you – I just don’t want everyone to get more freaked out than they already are.’
‘OK,’ said Naya. She turned to Scott. ‘I can see you’re good with navigation, but seriously, how much further do you think it is? How much longer will it take? I just want to go home.’ She rubbed her eyes, sniffed; she looked exhausted, and afraid.
Carly wanted to say something that would reassure her; that would help keep the group together. That was more important than telling her the truth, at least for now. They needed to believe they were making progress, if they were to keep on going.
‘I can’t say for sure,’ Scott replied. ‘But I think we’ll be back at the house in the next hour or so,’ he said.
Naya nodded; there was relief in her eyes. ‘OK, let’s go – Scott, keep leading the way.’
They walked on. But with every step forward now, Carly sensed their hope was fading. There was no mistaking it: the light was beginning to dim above the canopy of trees. In minutes they’d have to rely on their torches to guide their way back. And navigating through dense jungle in the dark – even with torches – was something not even the most experienced of wilderness survivors would attempt in a hurry. One wrong stepand you’d have a snapped ankle or a broken arm to contend with – or worse.
Soon, the five of them could see no further than a few feet in front of them. All of them were hot and thirsty, and the shock of what they’d discovered earlier was written on everyone’s faces. They were traumatized and tired, Mira especially exhausted and struggling for breath.
It’s time to give up.
They couldn’t keep walking; not in the dark. It was too dangerous, and in just a few minutes it would become even more so – they couldn’t see what they were stepping on, they couldn’t make out the undulations of the earth beneath them, the rise and fall of the ground, the jutting of rocks and branches and vines that could so easily prove lethal.
She took a deep breath, stood still and turned to face the group.
‘Hey, everyone, hold up,’ she said.
