“Are you sure this is the right choice?” Grey asks as he stands in the doorway, and I see the dilemma in his body language. To give in or fight for his friends who now think he’s crazy, brainwashed from this entire fucked up place.
“Just leave.” Calvin sighs, and the door closes behind us.
Chapter 32
Naya
Going out into theoutside world is intimidating. Hell, it’s fucking terrifying. Being stuck in one place for so long with the same daily routines eventually becomes a habit, no matter how much you don’t want it. The suffocating, confining walls of Dankworth Institute has given me a roof over my head for all these months. The thought of leaving this place and re-entering a world I haven’t seen in two years is overwhelming and frightening. No matter how hard I try, I cannot rid myself of this feeling of anxiety.
“I still don’t know why you choose to follow me. Why throw away your one chance to have a normal life?” I turn to face Grey.
“You don’t understand, do you? I’ve never trulylived. You brought that feeling back, and it’s fucking terrifying because I don’t know what the future will bring. But you’re mine, little doll. You’re not getting rid of me, not even in the afterlife.”
I’m unsure what to reply, but I feel it inside me too. The demons inside my head know they belong to him, just as my heart does.
“Ready?” Grey asks me, squeezing my hand tightly.
We have chosen not to speak of the events that have transpired between us, pushing them to the back of our minds and choosing never to bring them up in conversation again. I’m glad he realized the danger of this place, and that is what’s most important right now. There is no way to escape this area, and fleeing the forest would be a death sentence in itself. Damn knows how many predators linger behind the trees in the darkest depths of nature. I know that we are not rational, that we most likely won’t be able to escape this prison-like institute. But one thing is for sure, I couldn’t care less. I am slowly but surely losing my mind here, and I’m desperate to leave as soon as possible. It’s been too many months.
“No, are you?” I ask, answering Grey’s previous question.
“Nope.”
And then we make our way through the institute toward a future that can bring any consequences or possibilities.
I cannot wait to get out of here and escape this prison. I’ve always felt that there is something wrong with this place, and I know that I would rather die in the wilderness than here. I feel an intense emptiness inside me, wanting Rebecca to be here with us right now. I never intended to find myself in this predicament of escaping with someone else, yet here I am.
The idea of Rebecca sparks a deep sadness in my heart as I reflect on the myriad opportunities and possibilities our friendship could have encountered. I lost her, just like I lost Everlee all those months ago.
Fuck, am I even worthy of friends?
All I do is fuck things up, losing them over again, making me believe this thing with Grey will never work out. My subconscious tells me that our relationship is doomed to fail no matter what we do. It’s telling me that this thing–escaping with Grey–is a horrible idea. I have no right to ruin his life like this just because I’m trying to escape.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I cannot help but stare into Grey’s eyes when he grabs my chin and forces me to look at his face. “I can feel your worry.”
He tries to act nonchalantly, but I can tell he is just as anxious as I am about this situation.
We have decided to try to get out through the lake at the back of the institute. It’s the only place guards don’t observe. Fear of returning there makes me almost physically sick, and the memories of my last time there overwhelm me. The last time we were there, we saw a dead body, another of Dankworth’s secrets.
We hurry through the corridors, attempting not to attract unwanted attention. We have to get out without being detected. Grey leads us onward, and eventually, we reach an empty hallway with several rooms, though no one occupies them.
There is a strong sense of familiarity as he guides me down the hallway, just like the first time. That was when Alex ridiculed me, and I was so panicked that I ran out of the cafeteria in a rush. I didn’t understand it then, but I do realize one thing now.
No matter how much I try to push him away, Grey is always there in the background, ready to help and support me. There is no escaping him. Then, like now, he took me away from this place to save just a tiny fracture of my losing sanity.
I take a deep breath, and we continue forward. When I went through these walls the last time, I didn’t have time to absorb my surroundings because I was too busy trying to calm down the panic attack I was having at the time. However, I am looking through it closely this time, trying to take in as much detail as possible. This corridor is so distinctly different from the rest of the institute, which is sterile with no colors or personal touches. The walls here are more colorful, full of shades of white and brown with the floor in a checkered pattern.
I feel Grey’s nerves oozing out, unable to control his emotions. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him feel anything but anger because it’s always there, lingering in the background of his consciousness.
We are both aware of the risks of this and the consequences if we are caught.
Without having time to understand what is happening, Grey pushes me up against the wall, pressing his lips against mine in a feverish motion. Desperate, searching, longing for something more. The kiss comes as a shock, making me momentarily stunned, but soon I kiss him back, for I know he needs this. He can punish me all he wants while devouring my mouth, as long as he stays with me, as long as it keeps his anger at bay.
We are both twisted, tainted by our pasts, and broken into mended pieces. He’s not good for me, fuck, we are not good for each other, but that doesn’t deter me at all. I feel something special about us, and these dark tendrils of pure darkness within our minds bind us closer together, and it’s impossible to rescind or amend this bond. It’s something akin to home.
The violent pressure of our kiss causes our teeth to clash, and his tongue marks the territory belonging to him inside my mouth, proving to me that I am indeed his even if I cannot admit so directly. Because that would mean giving up control, and despite everything, control is all I have left.
None of us care that we are in the open, inside a corridor anyone could walk through. All we can focus on is the feeling of each other, we don’t know if this will be the last time we will do this. God, I hope not. Aggressively, his hips grind against mine while pressing me against the wall. The anger seeps through him as he tries to keep himself under control.
