“Why aren’t they taking her down?” I whisper, but it’s barely audible because my voice is so hoarse.
It’s not until now, in his arms, that I notice how much it’s raining and snowing. It’s a widow’s sky in the winter, dreadful, overcast, with the tears of the afternoon sky and my despair dripping down all around. The wind blows, making it hard for him to hear me, and I break free from his hold on me, feeling myself slowly slipping away from reality. Detaching myself from my mind and body, everything to protect myself from heartache.
“Why is no one fucking cutting her down?” My voice is loud and clear while I scream out loud as patients stare at me like I’m a lunatic.
“Little doll–”
Grey tries to stop me, but I’m running toward her body, trying to get her down. No one is doing anything, just letting her hang there, and it’s making me mad. I’m slowly but surely losing my mind and any sense I had before.
It doesn’t even register to me that I hit the tree with everything I have, bruising my knuckles until they are torn apart as blood rushes through them. Nothing resides in my heart but a horrible and painful feeling, a sensation I wasn’t aware my heart could feel after so many years of being devoid of emotion. I must be screaming because my voice is hoarse, and my throat burns with the onslaught of pain, but I cannot hear anything but the loud rushing of blood in my ears as I desperately try to get her down. It’s useless.
I think I hear my name shouted behind me. From whom it comes, I don’t know, for I know nothing anymore. All I know is the hollow feeling inside of me, growing as fast as a weed does on pavements where it isn’t wanted.
Two powerful arms suddenly embrace me, but it’s not Grey’s embrace.
“Calm down,” hisses a voice belonging to one of the guards. Ray.
A sense of relief washes over me in his presence, causing me to cry, completely breaking down in his arms. Everything around me is a blur, and I can faintly hear Grey whisper my name, but it’s all too overwhelming. The emotions and noises are too much, and it feels like I am being dragged down into an abyss of overwhelming sensations.
There is another voice I don’t recognize, and before I know it, I’m torn into another embrace. It’s not welcoming, only fueled by anger, and I feel like a rag doll being pushed around. Maybe this is how much life should have ended up, a doll for eternity, just like the master wanted. He wanted me to be his doll, and here I am, thrown around like a rag doll.
I catch a glimpse of another uniformed guard holding my arms behind me in a tight grip. Looking at him, I notice how tall he is, which makes this all the more confusing and intimidating. His height of at least one foot taller than my measly five-foot-nine inches enables him to take me away from the terrifying scene in front of me.
As I glance out of the corner of my eye, I see Grey attempting to get to me. However, Ray holds him back, but not as firmly as the guard restrains me.
“Naya!” he screams my name, I can tell by the way his lips move.
Those lips that made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel, those that traced my body until I came undone by the pleasure. But now I can no longer hear his words, I’m too far gone in my mind, and there is a pain in my chest at the sight of him looking so pained.
He cannot reach me, and that bothers him.
The guard behind me keeps pushing me forward until I’m able to move my legs on my own, yet I cannot feel my body carrying out the motion. Several patients stare at me like I’m crazy as I walk into the building, and maybe I am.
How many horrible moments does it take to go insane? How much does it take for a person to completely lose their mind and turn into a single empty shell without a soul?
I feel like I’ve crossed that threshold now.
She’s dead, and all I want to do is destroy the entire institute and all the people in it until nothing remains but ashes. Maybe then I’ll be able to find the peace I’ve searched my entire life for.
I have no idea where we’re heading, it seems like it’s taking forever to get there as the minutes tick by. Having descended several stairs, we come across a metal door with several locks, and I immediately identify it.
Panic grips me like a living thing as the guard unlocks the door and pushes me into a corridor. The white paint on the walls has been steadily deteriorating over the last few months, yet the overall look is still the same as when it first began to peel. The pipes emit a gentle tinkling sound as water drips.
When my legs give out, the guard behind me heaves an exasperated sigh and forcefully moves me along until I’m barely upright. I quickly catch my balance again before he leads me to the end of the corridor, where another door is.
The lungs in my chest expand and feel like they will soon explode, nerves taking over until my body shakes. It’s been many months since I was in this basement, and my life has changed so much since then. Dread fills me as the door opens, cold air hitting my body.
Having been outside in the rain and snow, my clothes are damp from the combination of the two. The room has no furniture except for a metal table and two chairs on either side, and the guard leads me to one. Everything around me feels cold, and I’m drawn to the stone walls, which radiate a chill that makes me want to shelter in a corner.
I fucking hate basements.
My heart sinks as I suddenly find myself confined, and I gaze in fear at the guard who appears content with my presence. His head is bald, and his toothy grin is full of malevolence.
“What the hell am I doing here?” I spit out.
Not uttering a word, the guard instead gives me a look of pleasure before pivoting away, leaving me alone in the abandoned room. The only light source in the room is a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, but it tends to flicker on and off, casting the room into darkness for a brief moment.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a chill down my spine, being in this unfamiliar room, handcuffed to the table with no idea of what to come. Thoughts swirl around in my head, and I can’t help but think this is the end. This is it for me. I will never see Grey again, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to thank him for everything he did.
