The gym is the only thing that keeps my brain stimulated. Until I came acrossher.
With a deep sigh, I run my hands through my hair and try to push away thoughts of her, that mysterious girl who arrived a while ago, looking all vulnerable. Foolish girl for showing her weakness. She should know by now that doing so will only lead to death, especially in a place like this. Even with guards watching every wing, the patients still pose a threat and aren’t safe to be around. The guards are useless if the patients find a way around them, beckoning you into their rooms or anything more sinister.
My hands plunge into the cold water, and I can hear it splashing against the sink as I bring it to my face. It feels like a great luxury to relish in the coldness, a feeling that makes it just a bit easier to breathe.
The burning feeling of not being alone surges through me, making me shudder until all I want to do is run out to my friends and cling to them. I dashed away from them to get some space, but now I fear their potential displeasure.
The only reason I’m alone in the bathroom right now, observing how pathetic I look in the mirror, is because Jaqueline had one of her tantrums where she started yelling at Aubrey over a cigarette they refused to hand over. It’s childish, for sure, but that’s just Jaqueline. She can’t handle people saying no to her but expects people to accept her when she says no. It makes no sense, and perhaps it’s for the best that she ended up in this hellhole.
The lights inside the bathroom flicker for a moment, leaving the room dark before returning to bright. Despite the minor repairs that could have been done to transform this institute into something much better, the warden and staff have shown a lack of concern for this place.
One of the bathroom doors leading to one of the many booths slams shut behind me, and out comes none other than Alex. I close my eyes to breathe deeply, trying to push down the frustration building inside me at the thought of being in the same room as him. It takes all that I have not to drive my fist into his face, not to feel his nose blood soaking my hand as I break his nose.Again.
Alex, the guy who thinks he can sit on a king’s throne and rule over all the patients here, the one who abuses every patient he sees who is vulnerable and cannot stand up for themselves.
The lawyer said that if I hurt another human again, I would be screwed, sent straight to jail with no possibility of appealing to the Supreme Court. Otherwise, I would have happily hurt him, as I have done many times before.
Even though anger is the emotion that occupies my mind the most, I still care about my friends, and the way he treats them has given me several opportunities to take out my anger on his body. The worst time was when he deliberately used the wrong pronoun for Aubrey to spite them. Despite the fact that they were trying to conceal their hurt by avoiding eye contact and looking at the floor, it was still evident to everyone how upset Aubrey was as soon as Alex left. That time, I made it so he had no choice but to get down on his knees and apologize to Aubrey. It was a hilarious moment to witness.
“Grey,” he nods with mocking respect, that smug smirk on his lips that I could easily wipe out.
I grasp the sink to prevent doing something rash, my fingers pressing into the sturdier tile ceramic.
Well, look at that, wouldn’t ya? I can actually control myself, Alicia Lewis.
“Alex.”
I refuse to acknowledge him any more than that, not to give him any more attention. Alex strides over to the sink beside mine and retrieves his toothbrush and toothpaste in preparation for brushing his teeth while his gaze rises and connects with mine in the mirror’s reflection. The green color of his eyes is reminiscent of the straw-like texture of grass when it hasn’t been exposed to water for an extended period of time. It reminds me of weeds.
His head is completely bald, and the smooth, shiny scalp contradicts his style. His figure is like a sack of potatoes, his heart in the same state, and he has no brain. The sink’s groaning echoes in the room and my grip on it is so tight that I fear I will break it with my bare hands. With all my force, I push away from the sink before slowly walking out of the community bathroom. I roll my eyes from irritation when Alex snorts behind me as the door closes, making him sound like a pig.
I walk through the sterile corridor and onto the activity room, which is open two hours before lunch, and five hours after lunch, where most patients hang out. We have a variety of activities to pass the time while waiting between appointments with doctors and psychologists, both here and on the patio. They hope we will improve, yet their expectations are like the mist on a lake, disappearing quickly and without a trace. I know we won’t become better. No one will. The malice of evil is eternal, and the darkness that awaits will consume us until we can no longer resist. There is no hope if you end up at the Dankworth Institute, although they want us to believe there is.
In less than three months, I will transfer to the new program in another building. I will lose the only friends I’ve ever needed. My three friends here are the only people I’ve let inside the soaring walls surrounding the place where my heart would have been. I don’t know when or if I will see them again. I plan to stay focused and distraction-free for the remainder of my time because there’s a tiny corner of my heart, tucked away in its depths, that believes this is a chance for a fresh start.
This will be my step to redemption.
As I turn to the right side of the corridor, I see the wooden door which will take me to the activity room where I know my friends are. I take long strides into the area, my footsteps echoing off the walls as I observe the sights. The room is large, but smaller than the cafeteria, spacious enough to accommodate many patients. The late evening hours are usually when there are fewer people here, most patients choose to rest before eating dinner.
The tables are arranged invitingly on one side of the room, with the shelves of board games along the wall beckoning for people to play. This place is equipped with chairs in the designated area and a movie on the television, making it the ideal place to watch movies. The same boring black-and-white film that Calvin and I watched almost two months ago is playing on the screen, and I feel bad for the three people watching it.
As I make my way toward the board game table, I can’t help but notice that Aubrey and Calvin have practically become intertwined, their limbs touching in a manner that looks incredibly uncomfortable. As soon as I enter the room, Jaqueline’s eyes lock with mine, and I walk over to her, sliding into the chair beside her.
“Grey!” Aubrey’s bright voice greets me as they wave their hands.
Calvin only manages a nod as a greeting because his hands are occupied with holding Aubrey’s waist, then kissing their neck before continuing with the card game they are playing.
“Where have you been?” Jaqueline asks with curiosity, her hands gliding along my biceps.
“Just in the bathroom.”
She nods to herself in deep thought, and I turn my gaze toward Calvin as he lays down a card on the table.
“Yes! I win!” he exclaims, earning glances from other patients and causing Aubrey to giggle.
When I think about the fact that I will be alone in less than three months, a wave of sadness washes over me, and my smile disappears. They will abandon me. Or rather, I will abandon them, and it doesn’t sit right with me. No matter how annoying they can be, they are still my family, people I can feel relatively safe around.
Jaqueline’s hand moves slowly down over my stomach, the fabric of my T-shirt brushing softly against her skin as she reaches the lower part of my pelvis.
