Come on, Nora. Just follow that line. Just follow that line and move a little deeper.
“Isn’t it—” the blade pierced Dahr’s throat again when he started speaking.
“Fuck!!” I heard myself shout.
My eyes were blurry, my body was shaking and everything around me was spiralling into nothingness. Hot tears filled my cheeks with crushing pain while my muscles and bones shivered under the weight of failure.
“Nora…” I felt Dahr’s warm embrace covering me from behind, his arms slowly circling around me. Giving me enough space to escape if I chose to, but strong enough to offer the support that kept me from crumbling.
“I can’t do it,” I started sobbing, letting myself fall into him, accepting defeat. “I can’t do it,” I cried harder, my entire body shaking into his embrace, which was becoming stronger by the second.
“I’m sorry, Nora. I am sorry you can’t do it,” Dahr said, the words ridiculous, but sounding truthful.
His warmth covered my entire body, the shiver in my bones settling against his broad shoulders and the strength of his stance. Dahr’s hands moved on my body, one of them resting on my back while the other slithered under my knees to pull me up.
I didn’t struggle against his hold as he lifted me from the ground and walked a few steps to settle me on a soft surface, covered with fur bedding.
Unable to resist and desperate with the need to hold onto something, I hugged the pillow and pressed my face into it, letting the tears spring free into the soft fabric. A few beats later Dahr stretched on the bed by my side and pressed me into him, our bodies falling onto the mattress just like every other night.
Unable to control myself, I started sobbing again while the man I had just tried to murder held me tight.
“Here,” he pressed a kiss on the side of my cheek and placed the dagger on the pillow by my side. Well within reach. “In case you change your mind tonight.”
I did not change my mind.
Not when Dahr fell asleep after hours of drawing soothing caresses down my back and not when I let myself drift away and threw the dagger out of reach on the furry carpet.
I already knew Dahr didn’t fear death, he’d said as much many times before, but I did not expect him to simply fall asleep and trust that I wouldn’t change my mind throughout the night. He was defenceless, with his guard down, yet he still let himself drift off. Only after he ensured that my tears, which had flowed for long hours had permanently stopped.
Or maybe he truly did not think me capable of killing him. Of even trying to hurt him. Not when I got squeamish at the sight of his blood and dropped my guard. Not when I had cried and repeated on a loop that ‘I couldn’t do it.’ Or maybe he simply did not care when his end came. If it came at my hand or anyone else's.
He didn’t need to say goodbye. He had no regrets.
And he refused to abandon me in the morning.
“I promise I will not run away,” I said, trying to convince him to go when Markos’ arrival made us both jump from the sleepy embrace we were sharing.
“As I said, I will not be training today,” Darh replied to me but pointed his gaze to Markos to give the order. “Nora and I have a lot to discuss.”
“Can’t it be done at dinner?” Markos put his two cents in but by the frown Dahr threw at him, the tribe leader already knew the answer would be a determined ‘no.’
“Since we’re putting things out in the open, Karisha would like to come by and apologise again. She feels terrible about how things were left off…” Markos tilted his head a little to direct his attention from Dahr, who stood in front of him, to me, who remained in bed and refused to move.
Probably that was what had generated this entire argument, my refusal to start the day and request to be left alone. To which, of course, Dahr placed his own refusal, not wanting to leave me on my own and had in turn called for Markos’ presence, who came to check in on Grannicus’ absence from the training camp.
“Sure,” Dahr replied at the same time I said ‘absolutely not’.
It was Markos’ turn to frown, as he looked from me, then back to Dahr, and then to me again.
“So you forgive Grannicus but you cannot forgive my mate?” he pointed as he settled his feet deeply into the floor, a sign that he would not be leaving until I answered his question. Observation, rather.
“I did not forgive Dahr,” I snapped at him and grabbed more of the blankets to cover myself with. If it was up to me, I would create a fort out of all those furry fabrics and hide away from the world until the end of time. Or until the end ofmytime, because I was under no confusion that Dahr, no matter how sweet and kind the night before, would probably drag me by the hair back to the town centre and explode me and all the people I knew.
“Forgive my ignorance, Nora, but one does not wake up cuddling with someone they hate. No matter how attractive the male,” Markos made a reference to how he’d found me in Dahr’s arms in the morning.
“Just because I couldn’t kill him does not mean that I do not hate him!” I shouted from the bed, loud enough for my voice to echo through the tent and smack both Dahr and Markos at the same time.
The men exchanged a long look that resulted in the tribe leader accepting defeat.
