That was it? That was all he had to say about it? Relief flushed over me and I almost wanted to jump into his arms. My need to do so must have been visible through my body language because Dahr took the lead and asked for exactly what I wanted.
“Can I hold you?”
I didn’t lose a second to let myself fall into his arms.
I was starting to enjoy myself a lot more without the burden of hiding who I was. Without being judged and having to defend my choices.
Dahr didn’t press on the subject for the entire day, either too tired or too unaffected by my story. Though, I doubted my choice of words since sorrow had become visible on his features when he was listening to me. Still, he hadn’t said a word. Not about my disease at least, because in the evening, after we both sat together for dinner, Dahr’s mouth chose to focus on other more pleasurable things.
I woke up to find the bed empty, his side of the mattress still carrying the warmth of his body, and a breakfast spread of delicious foods already waiting for me on the table.
The maps and other weapons he used to dump on the wooden surface started to pile up together on the right side, since more than half of the long table was always carrying snacks and drinks for the both of us to enjoy.
Even though I didn’t really want to take credit, I knew my presence had been the one to persuade him to take more careof himself. To enjoy himself more and take the time to do small and mindless activities, such as sharing a meal and a chat with someone, just because he could. I was beyond proud that the ‘someone’ he chose to spend his time with was me. Me and Markos, who had snatched my lover out of bed at the crack of dawn to push him into another session of training and arguing.
“I’m confused,” I finally admitted to Karisha after double checking the inventory reports she had politely, and very hopefully, asked me to glance over to ensure the math was accurate. “What exactly is the relationship between Markos and Dahr?”
“They are cousins,” Karisha smiled as she tilted her head slowly like one who wonders if their partner in conversation is out of their mind.
“What is their rank, I mean.” I shook my head to find better words, because the way I had put it made it sound like they were characters from a video game. “The chain of command within camp?”
Karisha blinked those stunning blue eyes at me as a small sneaky smile appeared. “You want to know why Markos feels the need to order your man around?” she read my question for what it was. Flutters started building inside my stomach at her words.My man. Was that what Dahr was?Mine?
“Yes,” I admitted and lowered my gaze, half-ashamed to put her in this position, yet hopeful that she trusted me enough to clarify my confusion.
“Apart from being tribe leader, Markos is the only one to share Dahr’s pain. They both lost the same family when Dahr was forced into battle. I suppose Markos remembers a lot more than he should. And I guess that kind of fear never truly goes away,” the tribe lady replied with a sigh, a lament for what her mate could have been without carrying that pain. It made me feel ashamed of my question, of the fact that I only saw my ownselfish purpose and did not try to understand what the situation truly was. And Markos’ role in it.
I continued helping Karisha with more accounting as the afternoon hours flew by and the tribe lady took advantage and started working on other assignments she was trying to complete before the end of the week. Surprisingly, they did not mark their registers with the days of the week and only with the dates, so I wasn’t really sure what day of the week it was.
I remembered I was preparing for my Thursday meeting with my doctoral advisor, but I couldn’t truly remember if my life had stopped after the Tuesday or Wednesday class. All I knew was what that book told me, that today was the 18th of March. And that every single record for every accounting region ended with the final day of the month. No ongoing trades passed to the following week, and they didn’t have the idea of financial quarters, which made me question the possibility that they were occupying a region per month and moving swiftly after to start a new life, ending every cycle on the very last day.
Which posed various questions: were they kidnapping a person a month? What other reason would they have to call me March?
Were they attacking a region a month?
Was that captive in any way connected to the region, apart from the obvious fact that they were local?
And most importantly, what would happen to me at the end of March? What terrible choices would I be faced with?
I found it odd and extremely irritating how Karisha spoke to me as if I were an old friend and even counted on my help with documents of extreme importance, yet she did not tell me the whole truth, only feeding me bits of information, just enough to make me complacent in my lingering state.
The more I worked on her registers, the more thoughts and questions invaded my mind and my general wellbeing. Was I being used for something? And if so, what for?
Why was Markos so against me getting closer to Dahr, when Karisha supported the idea? Why had Dahr kept me tied up to that metal bar for days, without caring about me? And what was it that he said that night, when I went against my own promise to care for him?
Was he referring to me?
I like this one too damn much…
Well, he did like me. The throbbing in between my legs at the memories of what we’d done the night before told me that at least.
But it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t let myself fall into this fantasy, where I was slowly becoming part of the camp. Where I had started to take on responsibilities, where I started having my own traditions with Dahr and even started greeting the neighbouring tents and chatting with them each day.
I especially liked the lady that lived three tents down Karisha’s, who spent most of her days outside, basking in the sunny day and she always carried a book with her. No matter what her duties, no matter if she was cooking outside the tent on the small fires I kept seeing around or if she had to help carry wood, she always had a book with her. I truly admired that lady and her calm composure, her positivity and will to enjoy her life.
I had started to care about more of these people, I even had a full-on conversation with Sylam the other day, who told me he had recently fathered twins and that following me around had been a blessing rather than a chore, since he could visit his tent a few times a day and see his boys.
I was starting to get lost in this way of life and let myself be absorbed into tradition, which was the most dangerous thing I could do. Especially since I didn’t yet fully understand myrole in the camp. My fury and burning questions must have summoned the one person who could answer them all, because as soon as the tent flaps moved to let the evening fading light in, I saw Markos walking into his home, carrying the same grim composure as he always did.
