With sudden determination and with a desperate need to do something for myself, just like the tribe lady suggested, I bolted out of the tent. I didn’t wait to check if Sylam was there, if he was trailing my steps or if he could keep up with the way I was spinning and turning. I needed to be free… at least for an hour or two and didn’t listen when the other women in the tribe told me to slow down, when I passed guards that commanded me to do so or when Sylam himself, I assumed, called my name, ordering me to stop.
Only, it was not my name.
I was sick and tired of people referring to me by the name of the month I had been captured in, rather than spending an few extra seconds in an attempt to get to know me.
I wanted to feel like myself again, I wanted to be free and to float, to lose myself in the waves just as I had done so before, hundreds of times. Without thinking, I ran to the beach and almost cried when the sand started tickling my legs. And I continued until my feet touched the water, until the waves broke against my calves and until the lower half of my body was completely submerged in the cool caress of the ocean.
I let myself float, my body leaving its worries on land and getting engulfed by the calmness of the water around me, blue tendrils caressing all the troubles away. I had always loved the sea, ever since I was a little girl, it had always been a constant in my life.
It was there when my parents died, it was there when my auntie had to leave with her new husband, it was there when I was accepted at the school for girls. It was there every weekend, every time I needed a quiet place to hide and every time I had to shed tears that I didn’t want anyone to see. It was here now, when I had been ripped away from my life and placed in a camp where almost everyone hated me.
And it was here, when my hair yanked me back, stopping my body from swimming. I barely had enough space to turn and spot a man pulling my hair and dragging me back to land.
I started thrashing and struggling against his hold, begging the ocean for a few waves to help me regain my position, but my curls were thick, and he had a good hold on me.
“Get the fuck back!” I heard him shout. “Right now!”
“Leave me alone!” I shouted back, the water filling my ears and part of my face covering most of the sound. I continued fighting and moving my head, trying everything I could to get myself released from his hold, but nothing seemed to work and, as soon as we touched land and my body weight wasn’t supported by the water, the pain clashed against me with unforgiving shots.
Having no other option, I followed the man out of the water while doing my best to keep my body upright and walk, as much as I could, behind him to avoid more of my hair from being ripped in his fury. When he got to the shore, he finally released me with an abrupt push, making my body fall on the sand and get covered with dirt.
“Who the fuck do you think you are? Making us run after you like that.”
I looked around to observe that there was a multitude of men forcing a tight circle around me, yet Sylam was nowhere to be found.
“I am allowed to swim!” I said, trying to explain to him that I had indeed gotten permission to be there. Before more words came out of my mouth, however, my head flew to the side, swinging from the force of the fist that clashed against my cheek.
Another man came from the side and, not sharing the patience of his companion who had carried me out of the water, he was over-zealous in the task of disciplining me.
“Just wait till Grannicus finds out you tried to escape,” he threatened. “What we do to you will be just the appetiser to your evening of punishment, you stupid woman.”
I spotted out of the corner of my eye that he raised his hand to hit me again, so I quickly turned to the side, doing my best to protect my face. Still, he seemed content to kick me in the back again and again. I wasn’t proud of the shriek of pain that came out of me, but I could not contain it. It had been a long while since someone hit me and I didn’t even have enough skills to protect myself from these people. These monsters.
“That’s enough!” another male voice came from further away, a godsend cease to my torture. Or so I hoped.
The crowd started dispersing to make room for the man, and for a moment, I thought it would be Dahr or Markos. I remained nestled into a ball as he approached, not wanting to create anopening for another fist against my face and waited until several steps surrounded me.
I released another shriek when strong arms grabbed my body and remained in my protective position, as the man started walking and carried me with him. It was only when I stopped hearing the waves and the sounds of sand kicking against his feet that I dared to look at my saviour, to spot Sylam's annoyed face looking straight ahead.
My guard didn’t speak a single word to me, and I did not push him either, too scared of his reaction. He insisted on carrying me to Dahr’s tent, where he lowered me gently, making sure that I could stand on my own two feet, before he motioned me with his chin to go inside. I lowered my head to thank him but respected his wish for silence and ran back to my bed, from where I should have never left.
It was only when I felt the safety of the covers against my skin that I let myself feel.
Feel the terror.
Feel the rage.
Feel the pain.
When the two women, Mira and Slatanya, arrived with dinner, I refused it and hid my entire body underneath the silk sheets, missing the heavy fur-lined ones, which, in this particular moment, would help me feel much more protected than the flimsy fabric I had at my disposal.
I did not know if I was bleeding. I hadn’t noticed any crimson stains on the bed sheets, but I blatantly refused to touch my face, which felt swollen and kept pounding in pain. The last thing I wanted was to touch the wound and make it worse. Even though I had been hit a few times in the back and probably once or twice on my ribs, the part of my body that was most in pain was my face.
I didn’t even want to think about Dahr’s reaction when Sylam told him what had happened, and I truly believed that he would feel the need to inflict his own punishment on me. Or maybe he wished to show everyone in the camp what it means to cross him, and he would make a full display of it.
Either way, I knew I was living on borrowed time and that this would probably be the final moment of peace I could enjoy. If I could even reach as far as calling it that…
Determined to take advantage of this little time I had left and incredibly saddened that Karisha wasn’t there to help me or jump in my defence, I chose to remain in bed until the very end and rest my body for as long as I was permitted to.
