We were the lucky ones though, able to live long enough to grow and get a job, earn wages good enough to pay for our own maintenance and send the rest back home to the family. Home… it was just a word, trapped under so many piled up dreams it became impossible to recognise anymore.
“You know the deal, Ellyana. I can’t let anything suspicious pass through the preparation area,” he pressed his lips in apology for a short while and continued to rummage through my thongs, trying his best to hide his surprise.
Yeah…I liked a lacy thong, sue me. They offered enough protection and breathable space, compared to the heavy cotton panties the uniform came provided with. A small splurge I allowed myself every other month. Not for the random guy I found now and then to satisfy my urges, but for myself. Because I loved being comfortable in my uniform without a scratchy ass and because I allowed my body this small mercy. I also slept naked since three years ago, when I got my own room, which turned out to be amazing. Another thing I never knew I could do, but once I did, I found out how much I loved it.
But I did bring a few sets of PJs for the faerie. I wasn’t going to let some creepy thing see my vag.
“You know you can ask for leave every other day, right?” Michael looked at me, then pointed at the three boxes of tampons I packed. A trick I had to learn from necessity and not a comfortable one, but effective nonetheless.
No boy would touch you if they saw a string coming out from between your legs. They would just be grossed out and leave. Better to be safe than sorry. Plus, I would get my period in a few days, so a box was truly needed.
“Yeah well, I’d rather not spend my leave hours on grocery runs,” I smirked at him, causing the guard to chuckle.
“You truly are one of a kind,” Michael shook his head while continuing his search.
I wanted to risk it, I wanted to risk it so badly, desperately needing to know if he had any news. If he knew anything I didn’t. But if someone heard two immigrants speaking about the refugee village while on the job, and on location, we could both get in too much trouble.
“I haven’t gotten a letter in two years.” That was all. All I could say to let him know that I didn’t know if my family were okay, if my dad’s health had improved and if my sisters had finished high school. All I knew was that they were alive because ninety percent of my monthly wages were sent by the unit to their location to facilitate their life. If there were any changes, the army had an obligation to let me know.
“Eight months for me,” he replied, a touch of sadness shadowing his voice.
I nodded, his answer more than enough to know that we were both suffering in the uncertainty.
“So, will you be guarding me, then?” I smiled, averting from the dangerous topic.
His dry chuckle made my skin crawl.
“You know as well as I do it doesn’t work like that, Elly.”
Elly.
My mom used to call me that. My dad and my sisters recognised me by that name.
A name from home.
A name long forgotten.
“Who will it be?” I was afraid to ask, knowing all too well they wouldn’t make this appointment trial easy for me. I still felt Milosh’s spit on my neck, even though I hopped in the shower as soon as I got to my room and scrubbed that bastard’s DNA from my skin until my fingers went numb on the loofa. He must have assigned someone who despised me as equally as he did. Before Michael even opened his mouth, I knew what his answer would be.
“Your favourite trio.” What I’d been through growing up was no news to anyone. The entire unit had participated in some way or another and even though I did not witness it many times, I knew Michael had been through the same. The only difference was that I continued to show up for training every morning, even when the wounds on my back cracked from the effort, even when my clothes were soiled or when my stomach grumbled.
I hadn’t stopped. Not when they offered me my first rank, not when they wanted to make me a guard, not when I was appointed captain.
I would go all the way or die trying. I would end up commanding everyone who ever wronged me, and I would look in their eyes as I give them orders they cannot disobey if they value their lives.
“This is going to be fucking fun,” I sneered, deciding to open another bag for the guard to check and make my transition quicker.
I had worked intelligence before, I knew how hard it was to crack a case and especially a faerie, who I assumed had been through hell and back before coming to our unit. Surprisingly, we were known to be the soft ones. And if someone decided that non-violence was the best way to proceed with this case, it meant they had already tried everything else. And it did not work.
One hell of a faerie. I almost admired the creature. I knew how it must feel. Plucked away from its home, away from its family, everyone and everything it ever knew and loved. To be dragged from place to place, away from basic necessities and drenched in pain. From every way and every direction.
“Have you heard any rumours? Why they chose me for this?”
Michael was on my last bag, so I had another minute or two to make conversation. Probably the only normal chat I would have in the next month. I did not plan to use my leave, I did not plan to give the faerie any reprieve. I would stay there with it, live and breathe, eat, sleep and shit by its side until it cracked.
“No idea, Elly. All I heard is that orders came from higher up and Milosh was pissed. He didn’t want you for this and tried to push one of the captains, but he was overruled.”
“And the orders?”
