Gladly, I mimicked her gesture and stepped quickly to give my dad a kiss on the cheek, then smiled at mom and wished everyone a good night. I didn’t look at Rhylan when I said it, making sure he knew my messages did not include him. I did not give a damn how well he rested.
Cressi and I kept silent while we left the dining table and headed toward the stairs and up to my room. It was only when the door sealed shut that my friend started a fit that I could barely follow. In between a lot of ‘oh my god, and ‘how could you?’ served with a side of reproaches for not keeping her in the loop with the current events in my life, Ibarely managed to utter a word. I let her expulse the feelings she kept so well hidden during the meal. After all, she was a professional and knew how to deal with most situations. Fortunately.
Barely a few minutes later the earthquake that was my best friend settled enough for me to start having a conversation with her, as she found her already-claimed spot on the bed and settled comfortably in a relaxed yoga stance with a pillow between her legs and prepared for the receipt of an explanation.
“Is it my turn now?” I wanted to double-check before I started speaking, though I truly had no idea what to say to her, apart from the plain old message, ‘keep away from him.’
“I am eagerly awaiting,” she gestured as though to give the flag wave in one of those movies where two cars raced and a hot girl had to give them the go-ahead.
“For this to work, you will need to listen and not freak out. The only thing that is of utmost importance right now is for you to know that Rhylan is not charming or good,” I started to explain but understood it wasn’t the best thing to say when Cressi immediately replied.
“Is he bad? Bad boy Rhy?” she joked though her tongue involuntarily started licking her lower lip.
“Cressi, no, it’s not like that. You need to stay away from him,” I tried again in a more decisive tone, forcing the message across.
“Why did you bring him home then?” she asked with frustration, crossing her arms.
“I didn’t have a choice” I said and took a seat on the other side of the bed, coming closer to her, but far enough to still be able to catch and analyse her expressions. “He blackmailed me into bringing him here and I don’t know why. But I am trapped in a contract and I don’t know what to do. I need him to keep his end, yet I don’t trust him and I want him out of the house.”
“He can’t be blackmailing you, he is a perfect gentleman. He’s so gorgeous and charming, and amazing, and knowledgeable and interested in you. You should see the way he looks at you! So protective with those big dark eyes of his. I’m in love with him. If you don’t want him, I will!”
“Cressi, stop!” I said but my friend grabbed my hands and cupped them to her chest to continue speaking. “Anwen, I know you’ve been through so much. I know you lost so much and you are probably not even thinking about falling in love again. But it is okay, you can be happy. You have the right to search for your happiness and move on. It’s been a year and Ansgar is gone,” my friend murmured the words slowly, trying to pierce them inside my head. And I loved her for it. Even though she had no idea what was happening, she showed so much support.
“Cressi, there are so many things I kept from you, so many things you don’t understand,” I shook my head, not even knowing where to begin.
“Tell me, Anwen. Tell me what is happening to you. Make me understand and I promise I will help,” she replied with a soft voice, which told me she would truly try her best to help me. I only had to trust her.
So I grabbed the laptop she had left on the bed and minimised all the screens and programs the influencer in Cressi left open until I found Google. I figured I could use the same method I found out with her, since I wasn’t very sure if the deal I signed earlier that day would keep me from saying specific things. But not even the strongest magic in the world could work against the internet. Or so I hoped.
In a new tab, I typed the two words I needed her to learn. ‘Fear Gorta’, and to my relief, hundreds of results invaded the screen in a millisecond. I opened the one I knew had the best description from my numerous searches in the past year and turned the screen to her.
“Take a few minutes to read this,” I said as I planted the laptop in her lap and over the pillow she had placed by her side.
“Seriously? Do I need to grab a pen and paper for you to dictate notes into my blonde brain or are you alright with the internet telling me how stupid I am?” Cressi huffed in disbelief.
“Please, Cressi,” I urged and my voice must have shown enough urgency that she accepted the device and lowered her eyes to the information.
While she read, I heard footsteps on the corridor and a sudden knock on the door came accompanied by Rhylan’s voice. “Have a good night, ladies,” his words arrived cheering and slightly mocking.
Cressi did not answer immediately butlooked at me, so I replied. “Go away!”
A playful laughter ticked our ears and the footsteps travelled down the hall until we heard his door open and close back again.
Silently, I urged Cressi to keep reading while placing a finger over my lips, signalling to her that we had to keep our voices low.
“Why are you showing me this?” Cressi asked as her attention rose back to me and I hoped she read at least a few paragraphs of the information on the screen.
“Because that is what he is!” I said with relief, happy to take part of the burden off my chest. “Rhylan is Fear Gorta. And you need to help me get rid of him.
Chapter Ten
My body took me on a psychedelic journey, where every part of my being made its presence known and sent signals back to my brain. I felt my lungs inflate as a stream of fresh air invaded them and forced their expanse, then followed the air to my throat and let it release through my nose. All the while the lungs contracted back again, taking my rib cage muscles along for the journey.
I was aware of the skin behind my fingernails, pumping slowly and filling with sweet relaxation as the capillary veins brought the oxygen to them. The back of my throat felt more relaxed than ever before and every time I swallowed, it was like a cold drink poured down it and left a sweet tingling behind. I laughed and wiggled my toes, trying to mentally send more air downwards and carry the rest of my body into this relaxed state I had suddenly been trapped in.
I could not recall what happened before all this started, and the tingling sensation in my cheekbones made me feel so content that it did not even matter. Something in my body told me that I had been waiting a long while for this floating state to overpower me, and it seemed to have decided to take full advantage of the perception.
Even my mind went blank and swam into a lake of faded memories, where nothing I had lived in the past could make its way and disturb the silence of the present. It was like a veil of nothing fell onto my senses and took me on a journey where there was only me, and what I felt that mattered.
