Since I discovered its effects, I had not stopped, selfishly pushing away the return of any possible memory. The drink made me forget who and where I was, whatever purpose I might have had before and it helped my brain block the surroundings. It was only me against the pain, absinthe the guardian against such agony. If I remained constantly away from the world, I did not feel Anwen parting from me anymore.
“What about you? Do you think you’ll live long if you continue?”
I waved him off again. “I don’t care,” I replied.
My brother analysed me for a long moment. I read pity in his stare. That's what I was. That's what I'd become. One of the rejected. I had to form a band and pillage small villages, just like those males who couldn’t live in their city anymore because the hurt of seeing their mates with someone else broke their sanity.
Finding one’s mate bound the energies of the couple, and rejection left one as scarred as though someone cut them in half and forced them to continue living. Being unconscious dispelled some of the pain, made me forget about that part of my energy that had been lost forever.
“It will pass,” Damaris replied in the end.
I huffed. He had no idea what I was going through. He hadn’t felt it. The rip. The breaking of the bond, which left me with only half of what I used to be.
It was common knowledge that the breaking of a mating bond was the worst pain imaginable. Be it through death or rejection, once a couple had bonded, the splinter of the connection affected our energy so severely that many went crazy from the pain. From constantly seeking for what was no longer there.
“Don’t you dare tell me it will pass. You have Takara, you bastard. You have your mate!”
“She is with child,” my brother breathed the news.
That immediately awoke me and I widened my eyes at him.
“Is she really?” The ghost of a smile wanted to restore on my face.
“Really,” he nodded and by the proud shine in his gaze I knew it must be true.
I pulled my brother tightly in an embrace and congratulated him, a small part of me filling up with joy. I would be an uncle. And the kingdom would finally have an heir. A minuscule spark of hope sprouted from whatever scattered remains it could find.
“Ansgar, I am asking you to pull yourself together for Takara’s sake. The announcement is to be made at your marking celebration. We are asking you to retake your duties and not screw this up. If not for you, do it for her. For your nephew’s sake. You cannot fail this; you know what the consequences are.”
I nodded.
“I will be honoured to bless your child, Damaris.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
I looked outside for what felt like the millionth time to make sure I was truly seeing things correctly. The forest started to retake its natural bright green and the glum clouds and blizzard-like winds had been put to a halt. When Ansgar left, everything went dark and I lost all sense of connection, I did not know the time and place I was in, the only thing that I felt was pain. Pain and anger. I hated myself for what I did, for what I'd chosen to do and his pleading words echoed in my head over and over again.
As I laid in bed, trying to store his aroma in the drawers of my memories, I thought about all the possible outcomes of the relationship we didn’t even properly start before it ended so abruptly. I did not know when I’d fallen asleep, probably the headache and nausea from so much crying got the best of me in the end and forced me to black out into sleep.
I was awakened by heavy rain and lightning gusts and for a moment I thought I was back in New York. Until I looked out the window and saw the forest, the trees, plants, grass and seedlings pulled out from the earth by powerful winds. All the while, a rainstorm and mist engulfing the land.
I grimaced at the pain flushing through my entire body. I knew this was Ansgar’s doing. I had once asked him how it was possible for the land to be preserved in a permanent summer while the rest of the country got affected by seasons and he had told me that the energy of this place was connected to one of their goddesses and to him, as the keeper of the power.
I followed the progress of the weather for the remainder of the day, the surroundings becoming my only connection to the fae prince and was relieved as the storm dissipated at nightfall, followed by a gust of rasp wind.
After that, my existence resumed to sleeping, watching movies without paying any attention to the plot and spying on the forest from my bedroom window. The only time I was forced to move from the room was when Rhylan came in to bring the delivery, even though I hadn’t sent an email requesting specific things. He made a few mentions about the forest but when he saw my uncombed, dirty-self coming out of the bedroom wrapped in a blanket, eyes red, he made haste of delivering the cakes he had brought for me.
I didn't expect a nice gesture coming from him but I found myself needing company, even if it came from a menacing presence like his. I pulled two forks and sat at the table, lunging into the cake without looking in his direction. After a few moments of throwing me that penetrating look of his, Rhylan accepted the silent invitation and sat next to me, poking a generous bite of chocolate cake.
“Is this period eating or are we forming a hate club against a specific man?” he asked innocently, that deep voice of his making even the walls shudder.
I replied with a disgusted gaze. “Are those the only two possible reasons a woman can eat cake?”
“The way you are doing it, yes,” he uttered the words just as I was shoving a full slice in my mouth and trying to make it fit.
“It’s nice to know you don’t go by stereotypes...” I huffed, still battling the giant-sized cake in my mouth.
“From my experience, sprout, women either want to fill their stomach to forget about their empty heart, or they plainly become monsters and require sugary offerings.”
