By the time I finished getting ready, it was nine in the morning, and when I looked at the clock my chest throbbed slightly, he could show up any minute. We hadn't set up a time, but I hoped he was as excited to see me, so I sharpened my ears for a knock on the door. I quickly went down to the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar, I didn’t want my stomach growling and ruining the fun, then went back up into the bedroom to air the room and change the bedsheets. My first reaction was to go for crimson, but I was worried it made everything too sexual, so I decided to go with white satin. Classic and clean. Plus, it would make his tanned skin shine even brighter in my bed. A mental image cropped up and made me drop the sheets as my stomach clenched with the thought of the endless possibilities that could unravel in those sheets today.
Nine thirty and I opened the windows to let fresh air in, sprayed a bit of perfume around and on the bed, and folded a few clothes I had left out. As I finished, I looked around the room and I felt proud, it looked and smelled amazing. I went down into the sitting room where everything lay around, proof of my messy living. I snatched the empty plates, mugs and cans of coke I had left there a while back, cleaned the table and the sofa, sprayed some more perfume and once everything was in its rightful place, I went into the kitchen to do the dishes and clean some of the counters, leaving out only a bowl of fruit and a bottle of wine I would ‘casually forget about’ along with two glasses close by. I checked the time. Eleven thirty-two.
Ok, so he was coming for lunch. I didn’t know how to cook intricate stews and complicated recipes like he did, but I knew my way across pasta, so I decided to make spaghetti puttanesca. I checked the cupboard to make sure I had all the ingredients, took out the parmesan cheese from the fridge and placed everything I needed by the cooker to have them at hand.
I planned to start cooking at about half twelve and hoped that by the time he arrived, the room would smell delicious. I brought the laptop into the kitchen and played some music, I scrolled around a few songs and playlists, not knowing what kind of songs sounded adequate.
I decided to take a break from all the mapping and paths I had traced, with three possible ways to access the bridge we had crossed two days ago. There were too many inexplicable things, I knew that I was close to something and Ansgar had access to the information I needed. I hoped that he would start trusting me more, but for today, I wanted to look interesting and not over-investigating, repeating the same things over and over again. If I discovered what my brother needed me to and also get the guy in the process, I was all up for it.
At quarter to one, I placed the pasta in boiling water and started chopping onions and garlic. By two o’clock, I gave up trying to keep the tomato sauce hot, it had been on the stove for so long only scraps remained and the pasta, which I kept in the water, was so overcooked that it turned into a mash. My eyeliner had probably half faded by now and I poured a second glass of wine. I didn’t feel like eating my cooking so I just made myself a sandwich and went back to my comfy place on the sofa to watch my favourite show. It was a good thing I knew the episodes by heart because I did not focus one bit on the screen in front of me, constantly shifting my gaze towards the door in hope to hear a knock.
At six, I went back into the bathroom and redid my makeup, then changed my short dress into a boho one and went back into the sitting room, clicking on the play button. Three episodes remained in the season and I damn well hoped I would not finish watching it tonight.
By nine thirty, I finished the bottle of wine and all hope of a visit had vanished, it was getting dark outside and even if he did drop by now, I was not planning to be a booty call for anyone.
I turned off the laptop and brought another bottle of wine from the cupboard, heading back to the bedroom, and made sure to close the entrance door. When I reached the bathroom, I cleaned my face and I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
Stupid girl,I reproached with disgust, then threw my dress on the floor and grabbed the long t-shirt I generally used as a night gown. A lump in my throat prevented me from breathing as I watched tears form in my eyes.
I walked straight to bed and nestled into the white sheets, allowing the tears to flow freely on the pillow.
Chapter Twenty
I woke up to the sound of screams and as soon as I gained control over my strength, I ran outside to see where they came from. Fire enveloped the forest. Around the flames, faeries were shouting for help and screaming in an agony caused by their injuries. By impulse, I threw myself into the open flames and seized as many as my arms reached, without caring if I caused further damage to their bodies with my sharp movements. The time to heal would come later, now it was the time to save.
The heltija and kaluks looked the most affected, their powers and energy coming directly from the scorching soil beneath, so I pulled them out first and threw them one by one, then in groups, towards the cave. They squealed under my touch, their injuries deep and difficult, yet none protested as I captured them in my arms. I ordered the skorjas and the portunes to call onto the river and carry as much water as they could over the open flames that I pushed myself towards.
Pain did not come immediately, the adrenaline shooting through me as I jumped from branches to tree trunks, lifting cliffs and digging out faerie remains from embers. By the time the screams stopped, I had managed to rescue all the living, though there was no joy when it ended, when the river stream poured into the ground to extinguish the burn, leaving a trail of pain behind. Luckily, if we could even use the word anymore, only a few younglings and cubs were lost, some buried so deep underground that ash reached them first and suffocated their tiny lungs.
Some beings drew their attention to my injuries, announcing them to me alarmed, as if I couldn’t feel the extent of them. They were probably right, the physical pain meant nothing in comparison to the destruction I was surrounded by and from fear of letting it all hit me once, I started digging through the remains.
Digging so hard that part of my nails fell off by the time I finished. I had completely lost track of time, my body bursting in pain from the burns, skin covered in blisters. Long fingers found their place on my shoulder, squeezing hard enough to make me pause.
“You did everything you could.” I recognized Karem, one of the sjorka elders. He squeezed harder and his grip unravelled the last thread that kept my emotions in place. “It's time to let go.” I crumbled down on the ground and started howling in pain, ample tears forming a red stream down my face.
I only allowed them to flow for a couple of minutes, honour and respect for the families of the fallen stopped me from becoming overwhelmed when they counted on me to direct them through the pain. As the district keeper, I was supposed to be the one to arrange passages with the goddess and take care of the bodies. But first, I had to care for the living.
The cave became host to the creatures that once lived in the Northern side of the district; most of them tried to find a place into my living chambers and helped each other heal with all the remedies they could find in my cupboards. I went inside and took out all the reserves of fresh gauze and the ointments and potions that I could find, explaining what they helped with and applying some of the more complicated ones myself. I brought all the clean shirts from my wardrobe and ripped pieces to form fresh gauze.
Some of my boils burst as I was anointing the wing of a portune and she grimaced in pain and disgust when some of the liquid splattered her legs.
“Go clean yourself, you are disgusting and a risk of infection to all of us,” she groaned but looked at me with soft, caring vision. I nodded and passed the task onto someone else, thanking them for the help. She had a point, I was covered in blood and open wounds and the pain and burnt flesh almost stopped my muscles from working.
I decided to use my last strength and appear by the river, seeking help from the Cloutie trees. After I employed all my energy to bring earthlings back from the fire all day long, I decided to use the last strand to jump into the river and found myself submerged into the cold stream. Excruciating pain shot through my anatomy, the open wounds and pus pulsated at the contact with the freezing water and a few grunts escaped my throat as I dived fully under into the darkness.
By the time I finished bathing, though I still remained covered in open wounds, a spate of light cropped up on the sky, cracking it open. For the first time since last morning, my mind flew to what it struggled to block all day: Anwen. The fact that the second chance she had given me was probably blown away and I didn’t find absolutely a logical excuse to make her understand why I had failed to visit.
The only thing that alleviated the pain I currently found my body in was the thought of her. Her face and soft smile stroked my senses and made me forget. A face that I wanted to see, now, more than ever, without caring about the consequences or what she would think or see, the disgust I would probably provoke her at the sight of my injured self.
Not if I remained in the dark, I thought, and within a second, I appeared at her door. I had to swallow hard, vomit threatened to burst out, a sign that my energy was completely wasted. I hoped darkness remained strong enough to cover most of me when I knocked so insistently that the door almost gave out. I heard steps pop down on the stairs.Another frantic series of knocking and Anwen’s beautiful face appeared at the threshold.
“What?” she complained sleepily, her eyes barely open and a sharp frown on her face.
Those eyes and her presence, the balm I needed to heal every wound.
“I wanted to see you,” I smiled, careful to stay far enough that she would not notice my wounds.
“I am mad at you bastard, you made me cry myself to sleep,” she huffed and pushed the door out, wanting to close it.
