I did not see it but I knew he grinned under his breath, as he pronounced the words. Provoking me.
“My father,” I defended myself. “He managed to secure six month in this place for me”.
“Oh?” It came his turn to ask for details.
“My father owns Odstar Cosmetics,” I sighed at the big reveal, knowing full well what was about to happen. Every time I told someone about my origin, they automatically assumed I knew everyone, asked about my fabulous supposed-to-be-lifestyle and always ended up with them asking for tons of products free of charge, which I didn’t mind most of the time, but did not want people to identify me with the glamorous lifestyle we were advertising, especially Ansgar. I knew full well that I was not the ideal image for a cosmetics company, I did not have the perfect shape and owned a few kilos over. I had breakouts on my period, oily skin and big pores.
Ansgar’s face remained utterly blank, moving his head from side to side with an apologetic shake. “I am sorry, I don’t know what that is,” he replied. I took in a long breath of relief.
“It’s just a business,” I waved my hand and continued, more relaxed. “He had a long connection with the royal family and he asked them if I could stay for a while, since I needed some time to myself. At least that’s what I told him.”
“Again, I am sorry about your brother,” he added quickly. “Please do not feel forced to talk about it if it causes you more harm than good.”
I swallowed the urge to cry, which came every time the thought of Erik found itself in conversation. “It’s been hard…harder even lately.”
He paused and gazed at me, his grey eyes absorbing my feelings, and I felt strong enough to continue. “It’s so difficult without him. When I was back at home, I kept expecting him to pop up from his room, walk to the dinner table, or post a video from whatever fancy location. But he is gone, and there’s nothing I can do.” He paused and gazed at me, his grey eyes absorbing my feelings, and I felt strong enough to continue. “It’s so difficult without him.”
Ansgar took a seat on a nearby chair, hands resting on his shoulder, vision fixed on me. He didn’t say a word, allowing me to find my page.
“After his death, I went back to campus. Tried to live, but everything was grey. Meaningless. So I returned home. I hoped that the closeness to the place where we grew up might help. He was such an amazing big brother. We grew up building pillow forts and he read me all the big boy stories about Pokémon and whatever cartoons were in fashion that mom wouldn’t let me watch. He always supported me, no matter what. He dragged me with him to all the parties I could not go on my own, and he stayed far enough to let me enjoy myself but always close in case I needed him. When I got into his room and found it empty…that was when it truly hit me. The realisation. That he would never come back. That I’ve lost him forever.”
Half an hour later, the stew was boiling at reduced heat on the stove and Ansgar had listened to my story, barely muttering a word and nodding from time to time to let me know he understood. He had two brothers, and by his reaction, they seemed close. I don’t know why, but I told him Erik’s last words. I had only confided in Cressi about that. I confessed the meaninglessness I felt, not wanting to carry on, knowing I was the worthless half, the one that no one wanted but was stuck with. As I said it, I could not contain the tears and let them escape onto my cheek.
Ansgar was by my side in a heartbeat, cupping my face with calloused palms and brushing the tears away.
“You are worth it, Anwen.” The shadows in his eyes danced, sending waves of light into mine, some sort of connection that was weaving between us. I raised my hands to his chest, resting them over his heart. I found his heartbeat, its steadiness made me feel at ease, at home. I had finally found the place where I needed to be. He shivered, awakened from a trance.
“I must go, there are projects that require my attention this afternoon,” he declared, not moving his gaze from mine, as though he too wanted to prolong the touch.
“Would you like to go on another walk tomorrow?” I blurted out, surprising even myself at the impulsive invitation. “Without a fight this time?” I felt the need to add.
He smiled and shifted, his lips on my own, placing a surprisingly gentle kiss. Which ended as abruptly as it began. The next second, Ansgar headed out the door.
Chapter Fourteen
What in the Goddess’ name had I done? For the entirety of the afternoon, I cursed my stupidity and selfishness. I was constantly breaking the rules, had other faeries witnessing my encounter with the human and I even notified the creatures under my command to stay hidden so I had undisturbed time alone with Anwen. Whatever I was thinking, or wasn’t, needed to stop immediately. I pleaded a grateful prayer to the sky for displaying a full moon that night. It allowed me to return home and leave the district, and with it, my obsession with Anwen.
Making sure the sjorkas had everything under control and nothing major that required attention for the evening, I anointed my bare feet with galanthus powder and walked in a circle around the roots of one of the newly flourished Cloutie trees until the powder my tracks left behind loosened from my soles and formed a white ring into the moist ground.
Once the portal opened, I leaped in and touched one of the extended roots, whispering the name of the fae town I grew up in.
Within a flash of light, I found myself in the forest back home, the familiar smell of baked pumpkin seeds floating through the air and tickling my nose.
During a full moon, the fae always served seed bakes to celebrate the cyclicality of the Earth. It was a way to connect the planet with its night guardian that had been celebrated for centuries, in which the men returning from their districts to visit family members and future mates received their welcome back into the realm with honour and cakes. Since childhood, I loved the tradition and when my older brothers fulfilled their keeper assignments, I would wake up at dawn, picking seeds and planning the bakes, tasting each one to insure deliciousness until my tummy hurt.
At night, with the moon hung in the sky, I would accompany the other children and females to receive the keepers and offer them a seed baked goodie from a tray so big and heavy I could barely carry it. Damaris was more preoccupied with his future bride than with me, but Vikram always made sure to take the very first cake from my tray and to enjoy a big bite.
As I walked out of the forest, the line of children and eligible females was already forming, each holding a tray of baked goods. Some of them did not wait for a specific male and only wanted to be noticed and show their relationship availability. The trays and baskets were decorated with flowers or honey, making the cakes smell and look incredible.
A gasp of pride captured my senses, all problems left aside. I became part of something bigger, I was one of the fae in charge with the protection of the realm and for better or worse, I had managed to get to the full moon and returned home safely, without any destruction or incidents within the district, apart from the first day when Rhylan decided to pay a visit.
I made a mental note to report it to Vikram, but did not have to wait long to see my brother again, as I spotted him standing in the first line, alongside other women and children, accompanied by the entire royal family. I smiled widely and forgetting all dignity and grandeur, I ran directly into my mother’s arms, causing her to drop the tray, cakes falling into the grass.
The Queen gasped in surprise, then placed her arms around me and squeezed me tightly. As I finally let her go, I turned towards my father, who patted my shoulder with love, an adult form of greeting I did not receive many times. I bowed to the King, who returned the gesture and reached for one of the cakes he held on a small silver platter.
With a smile, I took a big bite and escaped a moan at the peach filling that inundated my mouth. Peach had always been my favourite, present in all major celebrations, birthdays, name days, award days. My first return home should have been no exception. With my lips covered in sugar and a second mouthful preventing me from speaking, I looked at my brothers, who towered at the other side of the Queen, each holding a tray and giggling.
“Baby brother’s worthy of his own cakes!” Vikram exclaimed as a form of greeting and extended his tray, forcing me to take another cake while Damaris bit his lips shut, making sure no sound exited his mouth. Vikram insisted, enticing me to take a bite of the cake I
