Prologue
“Find it, Anwen.” He stopped to inhale a breath, so abruptly that it seemed dirt had entered his lungs rather than fresh air. “You have to find it. Tell no one…” His hold on my wrist twitched, the struggle of keeping me in place taking a toll on his remaining strength, but he gathered enough energy for one final breath. “Evigt.”
As soon as I nodded, my brother’s hand fell limp after the exhaustion of the words. His mouth closed, dragging his soul away with the last remaining traces of light from his eyes. That was it. The last time I would hear his voice, wasted on a delirious phrase I did not understand.
Winter scattered by, and the request remained as untouchable as his presence. I missed the noises he used to make in the corridor while secretly sneaking someone out of his room. They fell as silent as his grave. Erik, we used to call him. Now we barely say anything at all.
No one knew how it happened, or even had an answer for it. No sign of health problems. He smiled on the cover of magazines, charmed the press and investors, frolicked his way to success and travelled across the world. When he fainted, his friends dismissed it as the conclave of too many emotions stuck in a single young man. Erik did too. How could he have known?
I fell asleep thinking about him every night. I had no life of my own; I gave up a master’s degree and a boyfriend, neither of which brought me the speck of happiness they used to.
The fear of doing him a disservice clawed me from sleep and shook me awake, forcing me to do something. Anything in my power to at least be able to understand my brother’s dying breath.
Chapter One
The smell of freshly cut gardenias tickled my nose and forced me awake. It floated from the vanity right next to the window where dark blue curtains remained shut. Footsteps slowly backed away towards the door when I shifted in bed and opened my eyes.
“Good morning, Marissa,” I barely muttered, my brother’s face lingering on my eyelashes.
“Good morning, Anwen,” she replied with a curt nod. “Apologies for startling you; Mister Jason insisted you wake to fresh flowers today.”
I nodded and forced a smile. Like this was explanation enough, the woman who used to be my sitter closed the door, leaving me alone in the room to bathe in the fresh smell that claimed my bedsheets and every corner of the room.
I breathed deeply, keeping the air in for a second longer than usual, and the thought squeezed my bones. The day I had been waiting for had finally arrived. I would go to Evigt and find whatever Erik needed me to.
To let the realization sink in, I buried my face in the pillow, allowing my slightly wavy hair to form messy branches on the white silk fabric. It must have been later in the morning, the sun was pushing through the curtains, and the room glowed around them, like a magical door opened behind the fabric, expecting to be unveiled. As though nature itself was pushing me into action, afraid that a second longer might convince me to reconsider.
After a long stretch and a few more minutes lingering in the goose-feather duvet, I pulled the covers away. By the time I reached the vanity, the gardenias almost shouted at me for attention, so I admired them for a moment and snatched the note attached to the vase, “For my adventurous daughter.” I didn’t have a chance to react as another noise creaked from the entry, this time missing the initial subtlety Marissa had. There was no care in the movement, only urgency and tempest-like energy when Cressida appeared in the room, after kicking the door open, the hinges squeaking in pain.
“Are you planning to sleep all day and just ignore us all?” she stared at me with an expression that mimicked both extreme happiness and the wrath of all the gods on a single beautiful face. Her blonde hair rested neatly tied in a bun, dark blue eyes sparkling with tiny stars across her eyelids, perfect makeup as usual. My friend made a stunning entrance wherever she went. Black eyeliner elongated the corners of her eyelids just enough to create that immaculate almond-like shape.
“And you are still in your pyjamas?” she sighed with annoyance.
“I’m having a lazy morning,” I raised my hands defensively and smiled at my friend, hoping to calm down the hurricane of tension that followed her in.
“The hell you are! It's your last day here, girl; we need to do it all!” Cressida replied as she raised her hands as well, not to mimic my gesture but to rave to a silent music only she could hear. There she was, by my side as she’d always been, my best friend. One of the most sought after influencers in New York City and the sister I chose for myself, ever since the day we were sat next to each other in French class. We’d been through everything together, boyfriends, sleepovers, graduations and losses. With one glance, she knew what haunted me.
“He would be proud, Anwen,” she encouraged. Her long fingers traced my arm soothingly.
I sighed, grateful for Cressi’s presence. She had shared every moment of my life and now; she tasted Erik’s passing as bitterly as I did. I never knew what went on between them, I faked not noticing the hidden looks, the innuendos they sculpted for years into that column of possibility. She remained by my side every step of the way, through dark nights and depressing days, and here she was again, seeing me off to an unknown place, without understanding my reasons. Still, she supported my choices.
“There is still time to change your mind; we can ask the driver to take us back home,” Mom gestured with a circular wave of a hand, ready to give the silent order.
“I will not change my mind,” I replied for the millionth time. “I
want to explore this forest, and Dad worked so hard to get me there,” I continued while lowering my head to rest on his shoulder. It was a theatrical approach, but an effective one.
“I still can't believe you two,” Mom replied with a huff, “bothering the Swedish royal family with such petty things, like you couldn't rent a villa somewhere else. We had to use a favour with them,” she shook her head in disapproval.
“Only the best for my daughter,” Dad said, his attention shifting towards his phone. Something important, as usual. “If she thinks a secluded place will help her find a tiny shred of happiness, then she shall have it.”
I remained silent for the rest of the journey, glancing out the window and getting as far away from the conversation as I could within a moving car. They started arguing again.
In the past year, their favourite activity became running away from each other. Dad buried himself in work and came home at very late hours, if at all, and Mom had nothing left to do but to find company in clubs and charity events, make friends where she could and become the peaceful face everyone recognised: the wife of Jason Odstar, the powerful family leading a cosmetics empire. They moulded themselves perfectly in those roles, and even though time passed, they could not escape the fortresses both of them had built around their hearts.
“What about the company? When will she learn the business?” Mom repeated the same reasons we’d been hearing for the past weeks against my departure, ever since I gathered them at breakfast and told them about my plan.
I laid out the proposal and my wish—I needed to go away for six months to a quiet place and heal. To be alone and far away. I had found the perfect place: The Evigt Forest, a place where no one could enter without special approval and the only location I had found after months of research that might be remotely similar to the promise I’d made. I convinced them I wanted silence, to learn how to be on my own, to go someplace where I did not have to fake a smile or mind my words for fear of hurting someone or raising ghosts. At first, Mom started crying her heart out, but after analysing and listening to my points, Dad agreed. He understood what I was going through.
