“Sure.” Cross waved toward the hall. Rusty dropped his pack on the floor and dashed off.
His absence gave Cross time to gather his wits. Whatever brought Rusty to his door didn’t seem to be a crisis. He hadn’t kissed like he’d come to break up in person. He looked strong and healthy and while one could never tell, the chance he was dying of cancer went way low on the list.Are we doom-and-glooming? Yes, we are.
Cross counted to ten a few times, and when Rusty came back and dropped onto the couch beside him with a relieved sigh,Cross managed to ask, “So whyareyou here?” without sounding like a raging maniac.
“I missed you,” Rusty said, as if it was that simple.
“I missed you too.” Cross tried to let go of his worries. “How long can you stay?”
“Till the season starts?” Rusty’s suddenly tentative tone made that a question. “If that’s okay?”
“With me? I mean, sure, you’re more than welcome.”
“No, dude, I wouldn’t do that. Invite myself to stay without asking? I have a place and a job coaching at a hockey camp for kids. But I do want to hang out, if that’s okay.”
Cross wasn’t sure if he was relieved Rusty wasn’t moving himself in unasked, or mad that Rusty assumed he wasn’t welcome. Bit of both, maybe. “Will you be here in Portland or down in Eugene?”
“Up here. So you can see alotof me, if you want.” Rusty’s ridiculous eyebrow wiggle added innuendo.
“I want.” Cross couldn’t help a smile. “But I thought you were set on the ranch.”
“Nah. Don’t get me wrong. I love that ranch. But I had a month to hang out with Kris and Nita and the guys. I’m good. This is the only place I want to be.”
Cross reached for Rusty, grabbed his shirt, and kissed him. A long-restrained part of him reveled in this simplicity— in being able to touch his man with no hesitation and no expectations. Just this, Rusty’s mouth on his, lips and tongue and a hint of teeth; Rusty’s long fingers closing around Cross’s biceps; the whole big, tall bulk of him right there on Cross’s couch.
“You could stay here,” Cross said when they broke the kiss. “With me, I mean. I’d like it.” He realized how true that was.
But Rusty shook his head. “I’m not here to be your sugar baby. I’ll still be around a lot.”
“You’d have access to the practice ice on the lower level.” Cross tried to sweeten the pot. “I could coach you, even though I can’t get on the ice myself.”
“Can you even get down the stairs?” Rusty gave him a quick kiss. “Nope. I mean, I won’t mind some coaching if we get the chance, but we’re taking it slow. Living in your house isn’t slow. But living two thousand miles away was slow like a glacier. This is the middle ground.”
“All right. If you want.”
“You can come watch the kids at hockey camp sometime,” Rusty offered. “I bet they’d be thrilled to have a real NHLer at practice. Then you can see me on the ice, although playing with preteens.”
“Sure.” The idea of Rusty and kids struck Cross as sweet. He remembered Rusty had siblings back home. “Did you get to see your brothers and sisters at all this visit? Or are your parents still being—” He stopped himself before he saidassholesabout someone’s mother and finished, “—difficult.”
The way Rusty’s face crumpled made Cross regret being nosy. “Hey, no, you don’t have to tell me.” Cross reached for Rusty. “C’mere.”
Rusty let himself be pulled into a hug. He said against Cross’s neck, “I saw my mom once, in a store. She saw me too, I know she did, and she just turned away and pushed her cart out of sight.”
“I’m so sorry.” Cross smoothed his hand over Rusty’s hair, longer and bleached from the sun.
“Saw my little sisters and brothers too, but they didn’t see me. I rode one of the horses over there, stopped on the hill that looks over our house. They were playing tag in the yard.”
Cross twisted to kiss Rusty’s head. “You didn’t go down?”
“Mom was there, hanging the wash on the line. I didn’t want to hear her tell the kids to get away from me.”
“They don’t deserve you.” Cross worked his arm around Rusty to hug him better. “They do not fucking deserve you.”
“They’re still my parents.”
The raw pain in Rusty’s voice made Cross’s eyes sting. There was no answer to that. Nothing except holding onto Rusty with all his strength.
After a few shuddering breaths, Rusty pulled back. “Sorry, wow. That came out of nowhere. I was supposed to be making you feel better.”
