I’d vowed then that I’d never, ever risk anyone finding out my secret.
The events of 2011 changed everything, but inside me, even as my twenties became my thirties, that terrified sixteen-year-old still lurked. For thirteen more years, while the packs adapted to a new reality, fear had still controlled my life.
Now, suddenly, I was free.
My stomach churned. My head felt light. I had my hands braced on the wooden arms of the chair, but I felt nothing beneath my palms. As Alpha turned to ask Garrett about hisfamily, I concentrated on just breathing, in, out, in, out. The room was the same as always— the rustle of seventeen men in one space, the scent of sweat and colognes, skin and deodorants, faint to my near-human nose, and from the open door of the meet room, the even more faint scents of fur and old blood. I lifted my gaze from the carpet and glanced sideways to find Elijah focused on Alpha, a subtle sneer still curving his lips. Beyond him, Nick looked my way and inclined his head, a tiny gesture of support and respect.
I can live.
I kept breathing, and my world had not ended. Perhaps it was just beginning.
Chapter 4
Ileft the meet and drove away with a frequent eye on my rearview mirror. When I reached the suburbs, I turned right at a stoplight, and right again, and again. If someone was following me, they were better at the game than I was. Perhaps, for now, the lower ranks were cowed enough to leave me be, and Alpha had held Elijah back.No one’s behind me.After another detour through a parking lot, I decided I was safe. Then I straightened out, but not for home.
This is a stupid idea.Sure, when I texted and asked him, Kendrick had said I could come over, but I was way too emotional to go hang out with anyone. Even another gay guy. Even a guy I really wanted to see and smell and touch, to remind myself he was real.
Kendrick wasn’t in danger from the pack. Alpha was right— Rick Brown would eviscerate any wolf threatening innocenthumans. But the poor guy didn’t need me dumping my confused carcass on his doorstep.I should go home. I should eat something. I should calm the fuck down.
Instead, I parked in his driveway, climbed the familiar two steps, and rang the bell.
Kendrick opened the door with a smile. “Hey, come on in. Nice to see you in, um, clothes.”
That let me smile back. “I do occasionally wear actual shirts and things.” Of course, his bright eyes and warm voice and the faint scent of his clean sweat, right there within touching distance, made me long for fewer clothes and more skin on skin. Desire flared, eclipsing the jumble of emotions I was suppressing.
Kendrick maybe caught my reaction, because his smile became a grin as he pulled the door wider. “Not that I want you to think I have anything against nudity.”
The words lit a small fire in my belly but I ignored that heat and didn’t brush against him as I stepped past into the entryway. “Where’s Larissa?”
“At a friend’s house. They’re sharing their Halloween candy, and another poor parent will be dealing with the sugar high. I wished the mom luck with that.” He hesitated. “She’ll also be sharing the story of how she was saved by a werewolf, I’m sure. Is that okay? I can tell people she’s exaggerating, but I hate undercutting her like that.”
“No, no, of course, don’t. Nothing worse for a kid than to be telling the truth and have people insist they’re lying. Especially someone they trust. She can tell whomever.” I forced a chuckle. “Heck, my Alpha would say it’s good publicity. The Council leader would approve.”
“But that’s not why you did it.” Kendrick sounded certain as he locked the door and turned to me. “You saved her because that’s the kind of guy you are.”
“How do you know?”
“Because guys who are faking it don’t crawl over on their bellies and lick a child’s foot and let her pull their fur. They don’t ask if she eats the good candy first or last. I’ve been around people who pretend to like kids, and people who do. I know the difference.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit.”
He chuckled. “I saved your saddle, if you want it.”
“Keep it.” I shrugged. “Maybe Larissa will want that ride someday, before she gets too big.”
“Yeah, you hate kids.” He set a hand on my arm. “Can I get you some lunch?”
“You don’t have to feed me.”
“Maybe I like to.” He tilted his head, his eyes bright, and slid his hand toward my shoulder, stroking my neck with a forefinger. “Can I get you somethingelseto eat?”
That was why I came, right? To indulge in hot man-on-man sex, now I had no fears left? My dick voted yes, and of all the men I’d ever met, Kendrick had me the most ready to go in seconds. But I blurted, “I just came out to my pack.”
“Oh! Oh, wow.” His touch changed from seductive to a comforting grasp on my biceps. “Congratulations! How did it go? Are you okay?” The concern in his eyes caught my breath. No one else had asked how I felt. Even Garrett had let me leave the meet with a slap on the shoulder, a cheerful nudge of support, but with no awareness of how big the moment had felt.Kendrick understands. He really cares.
I mumbled, “I… think so? Telling my Alpha went better than I was afraid of.” Alpha had pulled me aside before I left and told me to come to him if I needed anything. I think perhaps I’d hurt his leadership pride by hiding from him for so long. Decades of dread were still hard to get past, but he’d pushed support and reassurance down my pack bond, mind to mind, till I believedI had nothing to fear from him now. “The rest of the pack is a mixed bag.”
Kendrick tugged on my arm. “Come sit down. Tell me.”
