Pete said, “Yolanda, you want to meet the band now?”
Bless you, Pete.I lifted my arm from Yolanda’s shoulders. “Have fun. Lee, want to go for a walk?”
He hesitated, then said, “Yeah, I guess we should.”
Yolanda nudged Lee. “Text me when you want to meet at the shuttle stop.”
“Will do.” He hugged her. “Thanks for hanging out with me today.”
“You say that like it wasn’t for my benefit too.” She waved her cell phone. “My friends are going to be so jealous they’ll turn purple. So great to meet you, Griffin.”
“You too. Lee?” I gestured off toward the dim grounds of the private fenced-off area for the performers. Lee followed my lead, walking at my side but with a couple of feet of space between us.
I pointed as I walked. “Band buses and other transport. Pete’s bus has to be seen to be believed. More comfortable than my whole apartment.”
“I’ve seen school buses more comfortable than your whole apartment,” Lee quipped, then averted his gaze.
“Are you maligning my humble abode?”
“I’d feel worse about that if you’d done anything to make it homey.”
“Maybe I will. Or maybe I’ll find somewhere better. It was supposed to be temporary, just to get me through the trial.”
“Because you weren’t staying.” That wasn’t a question.
“I wasn’t. I am now. If I have a reason.”
When Lee didn’t answer, I looked over to see him rubbing his thumb across his lips.
“You don’t need to say anything. Not yet.” I scanned the venue, getting my bearings. “That way. There’s some picnic tables and open ground before we hit the fence. Good place for star-gazing and maybe for a private conversation.”
“Lead on.”
We walked between the rows of buses. Echoes of music and snatches of songs came to our ears. People were partying, celebrating successful performances with only the last twoheadliners to go before Rocktoberfest was a wrap. The rows showed a fair number of gaps, marking groups who’d done their bit and headed out to the next venue, the next concert, the recording studio for their next album. A musician’s life was like that.
Maybe it was time to change mine for this man walking beside me.
When we reached the picnic table area, there were a few folks having late snacks and chatting. By mutual silent consent, we walked on. When we came to a maintenance shack, we slipped around to the far side. In the shadows, I couldn’t see much of Lee, just the glint of his eyes and an occasional hint of fair skin. Maybe that was best. Watching Lee was distracting and I needed to listen.
I waited for him to open the conversation, but when he didn’t, I asked, “How are you even here?”
“Plane, bus.” His tone was dry. “The usual.” That wasn’t what I meant and he knew it. After a moment, he said, “I planned it as this super romantic gesture. And then, I just… never cancelled.” He sighed. “No, that’s not true. I kept having bad dreams of something happening to you, and I couldn’t stand to not be here, even if I was just in the crowd watching. At least I’d know. That’s the real truth.”
I wanted to hug him but he’d stopped too far away, and I wasn’t sure he’d appreciate me getting closer. “You know I’m not dying, right? I have this polyp that has a tiny chance of being worse, but there was zero chance I’d keel over tonight.”
“Iknowthat. In my head. When I’m awake.” He ran a hand over his face.
Maybe you should talk to someone.I wasn’t sure that was a helpful thing to say right now.
A moment later, he said it for me. “I might need a little therapy. I thought I’d been handling losing Alice. Not over it, because it’s never over, but when Mom crashed and my father couldn’t care less, I was the one who kept it together, did everything that had to be done. I thought I had my shit together, then and ever since. But now I’m dreaming about her again. Her and you.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lee shook his head. “That’s not on you. I’m still furious that you put this concert ahead of your health but I’d forgotten.”
“Forgotten what?”
“How big your music is. How much it matters to people.”
