“The guys did most of it themselves. I said a few words and played some music.”
He’d done more than that, but I just asked, “How’s Harvey holding up?”
A soft smile crossed Griffin’s lips. “Totally flying. Like, in his element. I left them debating which cake to try first.”
“I hope someone saves me a piece.”
“Me too.” He came in and sat on the straight-backed chair in the corner. “I always figured I could take or leave weddings, but I’m glad they got that chance. Can Vicki hear us?”
“Maybe?” According to folks who’d been close to death, hearing seemed to be the thing that stuck around longest.
Griffin said quietly, “Sorry you missed the wedding, Vicki. I could play you a little of the music, if you like?”
“Sure,” I suggested, ignoring the warm glow in my chest. “Might be nice.”
Griffin set the guitar on his knee. Sweet, simple notes of the wedding march fell from his fingers. In that quiet space, theycovered the whirring pump and her faint gasps with melody. When the song was done, he segued into “The Edge of Glory.” I knew Harvey hadn’t picked that one, but I bet Vicki would’ve liked it.
He broke off playing, and I turned to see an aide peering in at us. “Hi? I was supposed to sit with her at noon if she was stable?”
“Right.” Vicki was progressing slowly. Nothing would likely happen today. “Thanks. Watch her color and the O2 readings. Call Noreen if you have concerns. We’ll get out of your hair.” I stood, said goodbye to Vicki, and Griffin followed me out into the hall.
“You’re not supposed to be working today, right?” he asked.
“No. I just wanted a moment. It won’t be long now.”
“Did you know Vicki? Before, I mean.”
“Not before she came here.” My feet took me down the corridor to the atrium door, and I held it for Griffin to follow me into the garden. The weather had cooperated with a lovely fall day, sunshine filtering through the changing leaves of the maple. I headed for a bench by the back fence.
Griffin sat beside me, cradling the guitar. “Must be hard, watching your patients go.”
“Yeah, some days more than others. It just feels like… everyone leaves, right? I mean, if I didn’t want to lose people, I should’ve gone into some other field, like pediatrics. But throughout my life, first grandma and then Dad and then Alice was sick and Mom had no time for anyone else and then…”
I cut myself off, but Griffin said, “And then me?”
The words“Don’t flatter yourself”hovered on my tongue, but I’d hopefully left that kind of defensiveness behind. “Yeah, then you, and then we lost Alice for real and Mom kind of checked out. I love my work here, but sometimes it adds up. And well-meaning people look at my patients and say, ‘Maybe it’s for the best,’ right? Sometimes that’s true, but people said that about Alice well before her quality of life got horrible, and fuck that shit.”
Griffin held an arm wide, and I took the invitation to scoot closer, leaning into his chest. He was smaller than me, but he felt solid, like I could trust him to hold me. Snuggling might be questionable at work, but I was off duty and we were pretty well screened by the lilacs.
“I didn’t know your dad died,” Griffin said. “I thought your folks were divorced.”
“They were. Are. When Alice was nine and had her first round with migraines, dear Dad decided having a family was harshing his flow or something. He ditched us and headed on a world tour to study the art of Africa and Asia. He’s still over there somewhere. When she got her diagnosis, he eventually responded with sympathy, but he didn’t come home. He pointed out that improving his art would mean more money, eventually.”
“Did he at least send money?”
I laughed humorlessly. “He sent a ceramic piece he’d made titledInspiring Aliceall the way from Singapore. Shipping must’ve cost a bunch. Mom ‘accidentally’ dropped it. Alice was in the hospital that week. We threw away the pieces.”
Griffin’s arm tightened around my shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“We should’ve sold it. His stuff is worth a few bucks. But fucking‘Inspiring’when she was puking her guts up, and Momwas splitting her time between her job and the hospital and had permanent dark circles under her eyes? I’d have taken a bat to it.”
“And then I deserted you for the tour and my artistic career. Ouch.”
“Technically, you dropped me before the smashed ceramics. But after Dad left, so yeah.” I clenched my teeth against the remembered hurt.Not going back there.“Like I said, I understood. It’s not like you left your kids behind. The two of us weren’t anything real.”
“We were, and could’ve been more.” I felt Griffin’s chest rise and fall. “There were no great answers back then.”
I tilted my head to kiss his throat. “So we’ll move forward instead.”
