At the top, he turned back to me, a hand on the ladder. “Do you want to climb up first?”
“No, that’s fine. You lead the way.” I waited till he moved off the rungs above, then followed him up.
The powerful searchlight might’ve been interesting, but the view beyond the glass called to me. Shane pushed open the door and led the way outside. A soft breeze caught our hair as we approached the rail, whipping Shane’s bangs away from his face. The sun lit the clear blue of his eyes. I had to force myself to turn away from him to look out across the water.
Oh!
That view was everything I’d imagined. Off to my left, I could see across the bay to the shoreline of Gaynor Beach and the main pier. To the right, the ocean stretched to the horizon, the curve of the earth visible at its limits. Lacy white clouds drifted across the sky and the sun warmed my shoulders despite the breeze. I leaned my elbows on the rail, staring at the waves, and sighed.
I would’ve loved this at six, or at twelve, or sixteen.A pang in my chest made me want to go back in time and tell that sad, lonely boy that one day, he’d make it up here, and it’d be even better than he imagined, because he wouldn’t be alone.
Shane leaned beside me, nudging my elbow with his. “Good?”
“Oh, yeah.” The air smelled of brine and seaweed, of a wide, living earth. A gull wheeled past with a plaintive cry, and another followed even closer, then two more. I wondered if someone had fed them from this high place. Way up in the sky, a bigger bird glided on the air currents, wings hardly moving. I filled my lungs with the sea air and my imagination with the glorious scenery, feeling the warm press of Shane’s arm against mine.
After a long, satisfying silence, Shane asked, “Did you do this on the yacht? Watch the ocean?”
“Sometimes. Not often. There were a lot of guests onboard most of the time, and I always had work to do. I was super grateful to have been given sanctuary there, so I tried to stay busy and not be seen wasting time mooning over the rail.”
“Didn’t you get time off?”
“Yeah, but…” I didn’t want to explain the mix of entitled guests, jaded crew, and a grumpy captain who resented being forced to train a newbie. There was more than one reason I’d said yes to Rob. “Anyhow, it wasn’t this high up. This feels remote, you know, like a mountaintop or flying high above the world. Makes problems seem small and insignificant.”
I saw Shane about to say something, then close his mouth.
“What?”
“Well, just, you’ve probably been in buildings taller than this.”
“It’s not the same, somehow. Don’t know why.” I watched the water a while longer. Shane seemed content to stand with me and gaze at the horizon, tracking the wheeling gulls, and watching the clouds drifting above. Unlike Rob, I didn’t get any feeling he was restless, indulging me, eager to move on. Shane knew how to just be in the moment. I looked down at where the breakers crashed on the rocks below, then turned and found him watching me instead of the sea. “Hi.”
He quirked a smile. “Hey there. You look good up here. Windblown and, I don’t know, open? Relaxed?”
“Yeah.” I leaned against his shoulder, and he put his arm around me. “I’ve seen a lot of the world, between the yacht and traveling with Rob, but it took coming home and coming up here with you to make me feel truly free.” I stepped away and spread my arms wide. “I get to choose, and I choose to stay here.” I turned to face Shane. “And I choose you, if you’re willing.”
“As what? Sacrifice to gravity?” He grabbed and kissed me, though, and when we grudgingly separated, he said, “I choose you too.” Leaning his elbows on the rail, he looked down at the breakers. “It’s kind of the opposite for me. I’ve been free. I went where I wanted, found jobs and left them, fucked guys and left them, or they left me. Dude I knew in Wyoming called it a tumbleweed existence. You blow up against a fence and stick for a while, then the wind comes from the other direction and off you go.”
“That was what you wanted, though?”
Shane wrinkled his nose, still looking down. “At first, yeah. I’d felt so trapped at home with all the kids and my stepdad and Mom. I wanted no responsibilities, no ties. It suited me at first. Except recently, I realized I’d started hoping each new place would be different.”
“Different how?”
“I didn’t know, couldn’t have told you.” He tilted his head my way and his blue eyes were the color of the sea as they met mine. “Here, now, I figure what I was looking for was a reason to stay. Ties, like I thought I hated, but ones I chose.”
“Roots, maybe,” I suggested. “Do tumbleweeds put down roots when they hit a place they like?”
“Fuck if I know.” Shane grinned. “I’m no botanist. I think you’re beating a dead metaphor. But yeah, that’s what I want. A place I belong.” He sobered. “And a person to belong with.”
“Can I apply for that position?”
He straightened and came to me. “Already yours.”
The touch of Shane’s palm against my cheek sent a shiver through me. He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me close, his chest and thighs warm under the threadbare denim jacket and jeans. “You cold?”
“No.” I leaned against him. “Just happy.”
“Good.” He thumbed my lip, then angled his head, cupped my jaw, and brought our mouths together.
