I want it. I want you.I said, “You can rip it in half, roll it up, and shove it up your lying ass. Come on, Mims.” I pushed the door open.
She came to me, slower than I wanted, slow enough I looked back and saw Theo, his hands stroking the cat as she stepped away from him but his big eyes fixed on me.
“Comeon, Mimsy!”
The light outside was still bright. I thought it should be night, like a dozen hours should’ve passed from when I came home from busking, but it probably wasn’t even dinnertime yet. Speaking of which, I’d left behind most of my food.
“That’s what I get for being soft,” I told my cat, squinting against the brightness. My eyes stung, and I turned north to get the slanted rays out of my face. “Buying more than a couple of days’ worth of stuff, like I could count on somewhere to store it.”
She mrrowped at my heels and I quickly added, “Don’t worry. Your kibble’s always safe in the go-bag. You’ll get your dinner.” Mine might be skimpy. I could find a fast food place and buy something, but my heart— that is, myheadwasn’t in it tonight. No big. There’d been days I’d have been grateful for a handful of peanuts and raisins for a meal.
I angled through the brush toward the road. “All we need now is to figure out where to sleep tonight,” I told Mimsy. “Damned if I’m gonna walk halfway across town to find another abandoned car.” Well, I’d find somewhere. I always did.
Mimsy pounced on a moth, then trotted to keep up with me.A man’s best friend is definitely a cat.Jerking up my chin, I walked resolutely away from the last, best thing I thought I’d found. Life was safest as a lone wolf and I’d be real smart to remember that fact.
CHAPTER10
THEO
The door clanged shutbehind Shane. I dropped to my ass on the stairs, like my strings were cut. My knees wouldn’t hold me.What just happened?
Pulling up to the property, seeing the lights flashing, I’d been terrified something awful had happened to Shane. And then spotting him in cuffs wearing that defeated expression? I’d have done anything to get him free. I didn’t hesitate for a second to spill the beans about owning the place and my name and everything. The anger dawning on his face when he heard all that worried me, but I figured we’d be fine. I could explain.
Instead, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise before he stormed out.Heleftme. Like I did something wrong. Like I hadn’t let him squat here for weeks. Like we never kissed, never sucked each other off in my shower, or held each other in my bed.
Or maybe like I’d failed to tell him the truth.
I tried to pretend it shouldn’t have mattered, as I clutched that stupid paperback to my chest. What practical difference did it make? He knew I had money. He knew I owned properties. Why should he blow up finding out I owned this one?
But inside, I’d known all along that Lafontaine Wines would be a wedge between us. We weren’t two messed-up guys meeting in an abandoned building. We were the owner, and the guy that owner could send to jail. Or turn the electricity on for. I hadn’t done either of those. Which decision sat more heavily in Shane’s chest?
I bowed my head over my knees, my face close to the book, breathing in the smell of paper. I’d bought it new after all, when I couldn’t find it locally used, and put it under me while I slept, opened it wide and broke the spine. I knew Shane wouldn’t take anything new from me. Was that another lie I should pay for?
How was I supposed to cross that gap between us?
I’d thought maybe if he got to know me… maybe if we found enough things we had in common, then one day I’d tell him I was a Lafontaine and we’d have a laugh about how I’d been like an inadvertent landlord, because it wouldn’t really matter.
Should’ve known I’d screw it up. I pushed to my feet and climbed to the second floor. I hadn’t been up here since that one time with Shane. This was where he’d lived and I felt like I was intruding, but that hardly mattered now. I wandered room to room. Sun streamed in the uncovered windows, and dust motes danced in the rays, but I still felt cold. Like the place had a permanent chill.
In the biggest room, he’d left a heap of stained white towels on the floor where his makeshift bed had been. Next to the towels, paper shopping bags held boxes of crackers and cereal, a half-empty jar of peanut butter, a bag of apples.
He left his food behind.His pack had been full, so I guess there wasn’t room anyhow, but I’d also driven him off too fast for him to collect it all.What’s he going to eat tonight?
The room swam around me, like something seen at a distance. All that sunshine was too bright, too much. Clutching the book in one hand and the peanut butter in the other, I hurried back down the stairs into the dim recesses of the lower level.
Wandering into the kitchen, I stared around. The big dishwasher stood open.Shane kept his backpack in there.I hurried over to see if he’d left anything behind. Holding the book tucked under my arm, I used my phone’s flashlight app. Its harsh white gleam reflected off the shiny, empty interior. Nothing left.
My knees gave out and I sat on the floor, laying the phone beside me. The app gleamed for a minute, then switched off. Dimness rolled back in, only the single, small block window high in the wall shedding a thin light. I flipped through the book, then set it on the floor.
Non, Thibault!Grand-mère’s sharp tones echoed in the distance. Toys were not permitted in the venue. Books were not to be placed on the floor. I was sloppy, careless, ungrateful…
I pulled up my knees and slipped the book between my chest and thighs, safe and hidden. Better. A faint scent of peanut butter came from the jar in my hand. I unscrewed the lid and sniffed deeply.A different time, a different place.I was younger, much younger. I’d been running outside and skinned my knee…
The familiar aroma called to me. How long since I’d eaten peanut butter? A dollop clung to the underside of the lid, visible in the faint light. I swiped it off with my finger, stuck my fingertip in my mouth. The flavor burst on my tongue, strong as a bomb exploding.
Thibault? Are you all right, honey?My mother bent over me, checking my scraped knee with gentle fingers.Oh, baby, I bet that smarts, but you’ll be fine. Hey, I was getting your lunch ready. Peanut butter and banana. Your favorite. Stay put, and I’ll get a Band-Aid and your sandwich.
A soft touch on my skin, a damp wipe that stung but came with my mother’s smile. A paper plate with a sandwich cut in triangles, the peanut butter oozing out between the banana slices. Biting into it, the bread warm from sitting in the sun, the intense flavor filling my mouth.
