I flushed and opened the top of my coffee, taking a sip.
“I’m just messing with you.” Shane opened the second creamer for Mimsy.
“She seems pretty happy with the freebie treat.”
“I’d have bought her the milk.” He gave me a steady stare. “I don’t want to take your money because I’m hoping we get to fuck sometime, and I don’t want to be paid for sex. I mean, I have done, but not when it’s someone I like.”
I swallowed my coffee, managing not to choke at the precise wrong moment. He was watching me and while there was a smile on his lips, there was something wary about his eyes. Like he’d revealed that bit of his history as a test and was waiting for me to react. “So have I,” I said to my own surprise. “Well, in a way.”
“Sold your ass?” The wariness faded. Shane straightened and took a bite of his sandwich. “We’re more alike than I thought.”
“Traded it, anyhow.”Am I really going to tell him this story?As the silence stretched and his gaze stayed on me, it appeared that I was. “Rob was one of the guests on the yacht I crewed. By then, I was eighteen and legal. I got the sense right away he was interested. He was pushing fifty but he was fit and tanned, a silver fox if ever I saw one. And kind. Some of the rich people that passed through were entitled creeps and jerks, but Rob treated everyone decently.”
“That’s something.”
“Right? So, as we were coming to the end of the trip Rob was on, he found me cleaning up around the deck chairs. He said, ‘Can I have a word?’ and when I said yes, he looked at me and said something like, ‘I like my men young and pretty and not permanent. But each of them leaves with good memories, more self-confidence, and, of course, richer. You could be one of them.’ Then he raised an eyebrow. I thought about that for perhaps fifteen seconds while eyeing the spot of drunken puke I’d been wiping up. Then I leaned forward and kissed him.”
I waited to see what Shane would think, surprised by the tightness in my chest.
“Was he good to you?”
“Very.” I took an easier breath. “For a while there, I thought I was in love with him, but he was careful not to let me have any expectations. He shared parts of his life with me, in exchange for having me in his bed and as arm candy. Nothing more. Rob had a variety of businesses, and I found construction was the thing that appealed to me. On my twenty-first birthday, he kissed me for the last time and gave me a house in need of repairs as a going-away gift.”
Shane frowned. “That’s kind of cold, don’t you think? Like, ‘hey, you’re old now, get lost?’”
“Not really. I had no illusions.”Well, other than the five months when I thought we were falling in love. Wishful thinking and all in my head.“Our relationship was business right from the start. But he was a good lover, he taught me a lot, and he always made it clear what he wanted from me. I could’ve still been scrubbing a deck while the rich frat boys and drunk millionaires partied and puked.”
“I guess.” Shane eyed his chicken, picked a few morsels out for Mimsy, then took another bite. “I never did anything fancy like that. Blow jobs for a ride sometimes, or a place to stay when it was cold. I fucked for money for vet bills, and a few times for food money. Never the same guy twice.”
“I don’t care if you don’t.”
“I’m not ashamed of it.”
“Me neither.” I had been, sometimes, but not today, here with Shane.
“I don’t usually tell people, though.”
“Me neither.”Understatement.
Shane slanted a look up at me, amusement beginning to brighten his eyes. “Not like I have much you could blackmail me for. Maybe my shoes.” He stuck out a foot with a new-looking black sneaker. “Walmart’s finest.”
“There’s Mimsy. She’s priceless.”
“Yeah, but I don’t own her. Anyway, she’d bite some blackmailer’s dick off.”
“Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.” I was queasy after the fact, because some of the people I worked with wouldn’t like that tidbit of my past, even if there was nothing illegal or shameful about being arm candy.
Shane laughed. “I’ve done other shit I’m not proud of, but never blackmail.” Maybe he saw I was shaky because he leaned over and set a reassuring hand on my knee. “Your secret’s safe with me, Theo.”
“Thanks.” I bit into my burger and the juicy flavor was the best thing I’d tasted in a long time. “I trust you.”
“You shouldn’t go around trusting people like that, but you’re not wrong.”
“You’re not justpeople.”
He grinned and we finished our food in silence. Mimsy was done first and jumped down to explore the tumble of rocks. The breeze off the water felt chilly on my California born-and-raised skin, but Shane took off his jacket and stretched in the sun. His shoulders were broader than I expected, compared to the trim waist revealed by his T-shirt. The sun lit gold highlights in his hair. His eyes gazing out at the ocean were the color of the sky.
A flash ofwantsuddenly tightened my groin and made my breath hitch.
