His cheeks flush, but once when Jo Jo was over, they were watching a movie on the couch and the room went suspiciously still when I passed through to the kitchen. Young love is sweet, young love is passion and all consuming, and I get it. And, I love Jo Jo like my own. But I’m not looking to add “grandma” to my list of titles at age thirty-seven, you know?
“I know,” he says, embarrassment briefly coloring his features.
“You excited to sleepover in the hotel room?” Dean asks Archie, reaching across the table to help him cut through a particularly tough piece of sausage. He passes the fork back to Arch, and I find myself putting my hand on his thigh, giving Dean a loving squeeze.
And it is a loving squeeze, because I’m in the terrifying and wonderful position of loving Dean McAllister. The idea of him not loving me back, or the idea of him loving us all just for a season—it shakes me to my core. I can’t even think about it. So I eat pancakes, and plan the day and evening with the boys, and force myself to ignore the fast-growing, vehement, engrossing love burning in my chest for Dean.
When the first tears fall, I swipe them away, hoping that Archie doesn’t notice. He outed my broken box. He’ll surely out my tears.
But then, as Tanner throws across the field, strong arm extended, nailing a pass to his receiver that has the entire stadium whooshing in awe, more tears fall. As the away side of the stadium roars my son’s name, cheers him on, claps at his every beautiful play, the tears don’t stop.
I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I guess when Tanner got hurt, I worried for him more than I even realized. I worried he’d lose a future he’d already invested so much love into, and I worried that he’d be unhappy and feel lost. And now that he’s healed and better, back to doing what makes him feel the best, I find myself inexplicably happy.
Archie’s hand slides into mine as he shouts and whoops happily for his older brother, one of his two heroes and best friends. “Mama, did you see that? Tanner ran so fast! He scored again!” he says, extending a finger to the field, pointing right at Tanner’s jersey.
Just then, I take my phone out, snapping a few photos. First of the scoreboard, then of Tanner on the sideline, profile exposed as he squirts water into his mouth, helmet tippedupward. I send them to Rawley, then I send him a picture of Archie, his cheeks painted with blue and gold, giving a double thumbs up.
Miss you! Tanner’s doing great. Hope you guys are having fun!
I don’t expect him to message back, but he does.
Rawley
Awesome. We’re watching on cable access. Tell Tanman he’s killing it.
Will do. Love you R.
Love you too
After shoving my phone away and making another swipe at my watery eyes, my gaze catches on Dean. And as if he senses me, he turns, looking big even though he’s far away on the sideline. His eyes sparkle, and he casts me a wink before giving Archie an adorable little wave.
Then it hits me.
Not another wave of tears, but why I’m so teary.
Everyone is happy, including me. And we’re not just happy, but excited for the future. Excited for what’s in store. And I feel comfortable in a way I haven’t ever felt. I don’t compare Dean to Troy, because that’s like comparing a stand-up man to a rusty thumbtack. But I can’t help but note that Troy never gave me comfort, or brought me solace.
I made all the choices, with little to no input or help.
Even talking with Dean over pancakes, having him reiterate rules and speak to the importance of following rules, it felt like we were in it together. Togetherness brings mecomfort, and that’s something only a healthy relationship can give.
I’ve wanted that mental and emotional security for so long.
With happiness and a fleece blanket keeping me warm, Archie and I cheer our hearts out until the timer buzzes, and the scoreboard tells us what we already knew: Bluebell rules, and Tanner’s future is bright.
“Are you sure?” I look between Hudson and Dolly, who came up for the game with their kids. They’re all too young to play football, but the Gray family supports all things Bluebell, including the high school.
Bear and Archie continue with their secret handshake, neither of which can truly remember the steps. There’s a lot of hand slapping, and the occasional spin, and tons of giggles.
Dolly tips her head against Hudson’s chest, rubbing her burgeoning belly. No matter when I see Dolly, she’s either pregnant or has just had a baby. At least, it feels that way, despite the fact they’ve only got three kids.
“We’re so sure. We got adjoining rooms, too, so there’s just one internal door between us if they need anything.” She waggles her eyebrows at the boys. “Have you guys ever slept in a king sized bed?”
The boys immediately begin discussing what being a kingmust be like, and after a moment, they take turns knighting one another.
“Can I at least pay you for half of the room?” I offer, but Hudson shakes his head, as if he won’t even consider it.
“No, Clara June, you aren’t paying us. Bear’s been begging us to let Archie sleepover, and since we’re already all here, why not make it extra special and let them have a hotel room sleepover?” He smiles and presses a kiss to Dolly’s temple. “We’ll walk him back to your room after breakfast in the morning. Text Dolly your room number.”
