She didn't realize that I didn't expect friends to be there for me either. "Good night."
Elena hung up, and I refocused on the screen. There were so many things to consider. I'd already created several spreadsheets for every aspect of this pregnancy.
I searched for a place to live. I needed something practical. Maybe a two bedroom on one level. Most houses on the island were on stilts, and I didn't want to lug a stroller up and down steep stairs, and I couldn't afford a place with an elevator.
Frustrated with the options, I looked off the island. Maybe it would be better to leave and raise the baby somewhere where no one knew me. I didn't want to go far from my sister and brother though. Maybe Ft. Myers would be far enough. Somewhere I could be anonymous.
At the end of the day, I was alone. I'd raise this baby as a single mom. Even if Cooper wanted to be involved, he'd be here for the baby, not me. That was to be expected. We weren't in a relationship, and this baby wasn't planned for.
I felt sad and lonely. But it was the only way I'd ever known. I'd figure this out like I always did.
I had no one to count on but myself. Elena and Cooper were here now, but they wouldn't be here in the middle of the night when the baby wouldn't sleep.
I squeezed my eyes shut, the tears threatening to break through. I didn't want this for myself. I thought I'd be smarter than my mom, to not get pregnant when I didn't have a partner. I might have waited a while longer than her to get knocked up, but I was still my mother's daughter. Was I doomed to repeat her mistakes?
Chapter Ten
Cooper
I was still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of being a father. Ivy had mentioned not telling our friends and family, but I needed to talk to someone.
Instead, I buried myself in work, hoping the physical exertion would make me so exhausted at night, I'd sleep. Instead, I lay awake, stressed about how my life would play out.
Would Ivy stay in her condo and raise the baby there alone? Would she let me visit or help with the baby at nighttime?
I had a feeling she was going to push me away. Unlike Oakley, she didn't want anything from me. She hadn't asked for anything the other night. And I had the distinct feeling that she expected me to leave. She'd steeled herself for the possibility.
It was hard not to take that personally. I wasn't her father. But she seemed to judge everyone the same.
Oakley made a million demands of Dalton, but Ivy hadn't even called since I found out she was pregnant. I thought she'd reach out to tell me about the doctor's appointment, but she hadn't.
I wanted to give her space, but my patience was wearing thin. And I didn't want her to think I was just like her father. That I was going to ignore her and what she needed.
I was going to be there for her whether she liked it or not.
"You coming out with us tonight?" Shep ducked his head into the room I'd been working on.
"No." That wasn't even a question. I didn't think Ivy would be there either.
"What's gotten into you? You never want to hang out anymore."
"I've been out a few times." Mainly because I knew Ivy would be there. But now I suspected she'd withdraw from our friend group. She wouldn't want anyone worrying about her.
"It's not like before."
I used to feel like I needed to watch out for Shep, but I was tired of being his babysitter. I was going to be a father. Shep was going to have to figure things out on his own. "I'm not interested in the bar scene or picking up women."
Shep just stared at me. "Are you dating someone?"
My mind flashed to fucking Ivy against the wall. "No."
"I don't believe you."
"Believe it, because it's true." I had a feeling the baby news had stopped whatever might have naturally progressed between us. Ivy had shifted gears and wasn't interested in anything physical anymore.
"You'll get bored hanging out at home."
I might, because so far Ivy hadn't reached out to me. She wasn't talking to me about how she was feeling. Maybe I should show up and see for myself. Satisfied with that plan, I turned away from Shepard.
