I turn around to look at her, blinking.
“What are you wearing?”
Ana crosses her arms across her chest. “Pants, obviously. Phaia leant them to me. I can’t keep training in my dresses; the skirts just get in the way.”
I’ve seen her in fighting gear before, but that was in a dream, when we were training in her mind. Seeing her in the tight leather clothes in real life is…very different. My eyes rove over the curve of her hips, the slope of her thighs, and it’s impossiblenot to recall the way those thighs felt when they were wrapped around me.
“Can we go?” she says abruptly.
I step back, gesturing for her to lead the way.
I mentally curse Alastor as we walk through to the training classroom. His words keep running around my head, growing more annoying with every repetition…because I know they’re true. Iampining. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
That night she tried to escape, it wasn’t the sound of the horses or the women’s whispering that alerted me to what was happening. I woke in the night with the feeling that something was wrong—something was missing from the camp. It took just a few seconds to know it was Ana.
I’ve gotten so used to her presence, Isensewhen she’s there, and when she’s not, like I’m one of the objects in her orbit.
It feels increasingly wrong when we’re apart. I didn’t pick the room next to hers just to annoy her. I picked it because I couldn’t bear the thought of being any farther away.
I’ve been telling myself that’s simply because I can ensure her safety. That when she’s out of my sight she’s at risk, and she’s too important to let anything happen to her. But the truth is, Idon’t wantto be away from her.
I watch her now, the soft fall of her chestnut hair against her neck, the way her shoulders are always pushed back, spine straight, as if the world is a challenge she has to face head-on.
“How’s Tira doing?” I ask.
She whips her head around, fierce hazel eyes fixing on me.
“Being forced to leave her family was bad enough, but now she’s been ripped from her homeland too, so how doyouthink she’s doing?”
“I said she was free to return to Trova.”
“Don’t,” she snaps, holding up a hand. I know both women flatly refuse to leave the other behind, wherever they go. It’s not like I don’t understand that loyalty; I would do the same for any of my unit, but I wanted to remind her I’m not being totally unreasonable.
I’m just doing what I have to.
She hates me for that, which is fair enough. I knew that was the price I’d have to pay to get her to Filusia. But I didn’t expect…
Gods help me. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. It’s agonizing, no longer being able to touch her. How she refuses to get within a few feet of me, like I’m some kind of abyss that will swallow her up if she did.
That’s the one thing that gives me hope. Whatever burned between us in Trova can’t be dead, because I can see that heat still alive in her eyes, even if it’s almost drowned out by rage. Sometimes I think if I can just remind her of what we had, we might find that connection again.
But I still have to find a way to make that happen.
We reach the training classroom, the mossy floor restored after Ana’s sun beams burned it up the other day. There’s no sign of Proctor Gallis yet.
“You don’t have to stay,” Ana says without looking at me.
I don’t move. “We might as well make good use of the time while you’re waiting,” I say.
I don’t think she anticipated I’d make such an offer when she’s been so frosty with me. My suggestion is unexpected enough that she turns to face me. “What do you mean?”
“We should practice some of your combat skills, seeing as you’re dressed for it.”
“And have you humiliate me again?” She’s looking at me with a wariness I don’t fully understand. “You proved your point before; I know you can beat me in a fight.”
“I might be faster and physically stronger, but there are ways to get around that,” I say. “Besides, it’s not like every opponent you fight will be as good as me.”
She opens her mouth like she’s about to argue, then closes it again, instead just rolling her eyes. I know these opportunities to improve her skills are the one thing Ana finds hard to resist. She wants desperately to get stronger and more powerful. She doesn’t want to be at anyone’s mercy ever again—especially mine. Even if it’s just about being in a better position to defy me in the long term, I can use that desire to my advantage.
