“Don’t pretend like you didn’t know what you were doing the day we arrived in Tread,” I say. “You knew she wanted allies, and you led her to believe the only way to get them was to join you on your crusade.”
“How can you act as if it’s solelymycrusade when we have the same goal?” Harman demands, throwing his hands up in frustration.
“To start with,” I snap back, “Morgana’s goals involve her actually living to see the Temple fall. You seem less concerned about that.”
“Do you really think you’re the only one who truly cares about her well-being?” Harman scoffs.
I step closer toward him, using my height to dominate the space.
“Maybe I’m the only one who cares about itenough.”
“You’re holding her back in the name of keeping her safe,” Harman says. “She told me about Gallawing. I know she spent most of her life locked up by people who justified everything with the idea that they were ‘keeping her safe.’ How are you any different to them? If you love my sister as I think you do, thenyou should be giving her the chance to achieve anything she wants, however dangerous the challenge might be.”
“That’s not…”
I gape at him for a second before regaining my composure. His accusations light a fire in me, as does his familiarity. He doesn’t know what’s running through my head.
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I snap. “I’m nothing like your father and his wife. And I’m not like you either, using her for your own vendettas.”
It’s Harman’s turn to take a step closer to me, his face contorted with anger.
“I’ve given my life to this cause over and over again, in nearly every conceivable way. Sacrificed more than you could possibly imagine—because it’s clear to me you don’t know anything about sacrifice. If you did, you’d let your own selfish desires go and give Morgana a chance. She’ll already have enough to contend with trying to get her kingdom to accept her powers without some crazed fae prince getting in her way.”
My fingers twitch, aching to become fists that grind this ignorant human into the dust. It would be so easy. Sosatisfying. A matter of seconds, and he’d be pasted against the back wall of this cave.
I stretch my fingers out, forcing them to relax, and let the urge for violence pass. Icouldshow Harman exactly how crazed I can be, but I can also resist the impulse. No, I won’t play into his hands. Instead, I straighten up and turn to leave the side cavern.
“I can tell we won’t see eye to eye on this,” I say over my shoulder. “So I suggest you start making your plans, and makethemthoroughly.Don’t have this mission become the reason we turn into enemies, Harman Sandale.”
As I walk back up to the surface, I try to shake off the argument. I don’t care what the Hand’s leader thinks. I know I will always do what’s best for Ana.
But maybe I have to work out what that is first.
When I return to our room at the Crossed Keys, I find her upset, sitting on the end of the bed. She’s digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands, the way she does when she’s nervous or sad, and the sight of her in pain is enough to send a pang through my own chest. I sit beside her, taking her hands in mine and gently removing her fingers from her palm.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I told Tira I don’t think she should go on the mission. She didn’t take it well.” Ana looks up at me, her brows furrowing. “And please don’t tell me you don’t think I should go either. I can’t take any more arguing today.”
“I don’t like the idea,” I admit slowly. “But I also know you’ll go ahead with it anyway, regardless of what I think.”
She searches my face. “Is it still because of your parents? You really believe the rebels were involved?”
“No,” I say honestly. “By now I don’t think I need Alastor’s power to prove that—especially since I can tell he’s reluctant to use it on Harman. He’s spent too long with your brother, and now I think he rather likes him. Either way, I don’t think Harman has the answers I want.”
She strokes her thumb across my knuckles, encouraging me to go on.
“This is about wanting to keep you alive, Ana. This mission is risky and?—”
I stop myself, remembering her plea that we not argue. I’m pretty sure that includes trying to persuade her to abandon the plan altogether.
“Never mind,” I say. Instead of talking more, I lean in and kiss her, soaking up the soft touch of her lips against mine, inhaling her scent like it’s the last breath I’ll take.
Obviously, any attempt to change her mind would be a wasted effort. And yet…my gut still urges me to do something. I know where that instinct comes from—fear. I looked into Wadestaff’s face in Hallowbane and knew I couldn’t survive losingmyMarina. The memory of his pain has kept me up at night since, terrified that if I’m not careful enough it will become my pain.
Because you love her.
I’d not been ready for Harman to just come out and say it—hadn’t even been willing to say it inside my own mind. But it’s true. I love Ana. Maybe I’ve been a little in love with her ever since she stood up to me in that inn in Otscold, and I’ve been falling ever since.
