“That’s not what—” He stops, taking a moment to collect himself. When he speaks again, his voice is calmer. “I just don’t understand why you’re always burying everything—holding it back. You wear a mask like you’d die if you had to expose your real feelings.”
“What’s the point?” I blurt out. “What’s the point of showing my real feelings? It’s not like they would change anything. No one cares how I feel.”
I take a step back, surprised by my own honesty. At Gallawing, I learned not to waste my time trying to show people what mattered to me—what I wanted. Because they’d never let me have it, no matter how hard I begged. It was exhausting. And worse, it could be dangerous when someone like Bede picked up on my vulnerable spots—things he could threaten to hurt or control me. Better to pack all those vulnerabilities away and leave nothing exposed.
And now this man is demanding I let it all out. Well, it’s not that easy.
“You’re being a stubborn idiot,” he says.
I gape at him, unable to believe his callousness.
“Maybe that mask used to keep you safe—shield you from getting hurt. But things have changed, and you’re hurting yourself more now by holding everything back.”
I know he has a point, but he’s making it sound like it’smyfault—thatIdid this to myself. I didn’t ask for any of this, I was just trying to survive. How dare he judge me?
“And I suppose you never hold anything back, right?” I say. “Hypocrite. You conveniently ‘forgot’ to tell me exactly why you hated my parents so much. I had to find that out from Alastor.”
He blinks at the sudden left turn. “That’s different. I was shieldingyou, not myself. I figured you wouldn’t want to hear about the blood on their hands when you were still convinced they were perfect.”
His words sting, and I take a step toward him. “I never thought they were perfect. No perfect people would leave their daughter in that house to rot for twenty-one years. I just wanted to find outsomethingabout them—anything to help me understand who they were. But you couldn’t even give me that. You were too busy blaming me for the sins of my parents.”
“That’s not true,” he says, but the flicker in his eyes tells me I’m close to the mark. I have him on the back foot now, and I round on him, bringing our faces as close as I can with our height difference.
“Don’thold back,” I taunt. “You think I’m like them, don’t you? That’s why you’ve been such an ass to me. Or maybe you’re just an ass to everyone.”
His mouth twitches, like he’s amused by my rant, which only aggravates me more. Our faces are inches apart, and the look in his eyes is worlds away from anger.
Unsettled, I move to step away, but his hand catches my waist.
“Oh believe me, I tried putting you in the same box as them,” he says. “But you made it too damn difficult. You kept crawling back out of it like the stubborn, infuriating woman you are.”
“I’mstubborn?!” I say, but the rest of my retort dies when I notice he’s watching my lips in a way that can only be described as hungry. The anger I was feeling so strongly a moment ago morphs into something else…a tight knot of desire. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I know this tension will only be broken—will only besatisfied—if he touches me.
I tilt my head up, looking him directly in his eyes, challenging him to take the next step. And he does.
The kiss is like getting caught up in a hurricane. I’m swept up in a whirlwind of sensation as his lips explore me, pushing my mouth open so his tongue can taste me better. I inhale him, breathing in his earthy, warm scent and letting it spill over me until I stop thinking completely, leaning into the hungry press of his mouth on mine.
His hands slide up my legs, taking my skirts with them, until I feel his palm running up my bare thigh, his fingers wrapping around it to urge my legs wider.
I hesitate. I’m not afraid—not of him. But what he makes me feel…it’s intense on a level I’ve never known before. Couplings with Kit were playful and fumbling, gentle and sweet. There was a light, shivery pleasure to them, but that didn’t go nearly as deeply as our friendship and trust.
What I feel for Leon certainly isn’t friendly, and I’m still not sure how far I can trust him. But Iwanthim, hotter and harder than I’ve let myself want anything in years. Habit tells me to restrain myself, to retreat from my desire because surely it can only lead to disappointment. At the same time, though, there’s a part of me that sees the whole feast of life and pleasure and experiences laid out in front of me and refuses to settle for scraps any longer. And that part of me is getting louder.
Those gray eyes fix on mine. Leon lowers his hand from my leg, and I fall closer against him. I can feel the heat of his body through my clothes like we’re both on fire.
“Give in to your feelings, Ana. Don’t hold yourself back any longer. Not for me, but for you. You have to learn how to do that if you’re ever going to truly master your powers.”
I close my eyes, focusing on his words as they wash over me, trying to decide whether to trust them.
“You made yourself small so you could fit into that prison they stuck you in without suffocating. But that was never who you were meant to be. You’renotsmall. You’re not quiet. You have big thoughts and big feelings and bigmagic, if you’ll just open yourself up to it.So tell me, what’s it going to take for you to let yourselffeel?”
I release my lip. “Touch me, please,” I whisper.
His hands slide up under my butt, grazing dangerously close to the aching spot between my legs. Leon scoops me up, spinning us around and laying me down on the hay I was asleep on not so long ago.
I tense, unsure about how this is going to play out. It suddenly occurs to me this fae might have very different ideas about how this should go, especially one as strong and…large…as Leon.
My eyes fall to the bulge at the front of his pants, recalling how it felt pressed up against me. Something deep within my body gives a hungry pulse at the idea of taking all that inside me, but the rest of me is a lot more wary. Leon follows my gaze. Though his own eyes darken, he just smiles.
