“If you want to go someplace else,” he continued. “We can do that. it’s fine.”
I glared at my friend in response, and he laughed at my expression.
“I’m just checking,” he replied with a grin and sipped on his negroni. “Not all guys are cool with queer clubs.”
“You know me better than that.”
“I do, but with that uptight expression on your face, it’s always hard to tell,” he quipped.
I rolled my eyes at his joke, reaching for my dirty martini.
“That’s right, keep drinking. Let loose,” he urged. “You took a team to the national college championship, Damien, you should be smiling. Hell, you should be dancing on this bar.”
I shrugged.
“I’m happy, I am. It’s just that—” I paused. “Again, you know me, it’s never enough.”
Selwin nodded.
“And besides hockey, how’s life in Vermont?” Selwin asked.
“There is no ‘besides hockey,’” I retorted. “It’s what I live and breathe.”
“You gotta make time for your personal life.”
“Says the man who avoids relationships.”
“I said personal. That could mean fucking. Or hanging out with friends. Doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship.”
I took another long sip of my drink and thought about that.
“Dave and I hang out sometimes, and I’m friends with the other staff in the athletics department. But other than a dinner here and there, I’m pretty much working. Or thinking about work.” I sighed. “And sadly, there’s hardly any fucking, and dating least of all.”
Honestly, my libido was near to comatose. I’d had one hookup with a woman but that was over a year ago, and I hadn’t met anyone that had me craving anything more. It was so unlike my twenties, when I fucked more than I slept.
“What do you do for fun?” he asked me.
I had nothing to say, so I took another sip of my drink. A long one, draining most of the glass.
“Seriously, Damien?”
“This is my first time out in weeks. No, months. I think?” I paused. “I can’t remember.”
“If you can’t remember, it’s too long.”
“You didn’t want to invite any of the guys with you tonight?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Not here.” Selwin ran a hand over his mullet. “I’m still not out to anyone except you and a few of the guys I’ve known since college. I thought I’d be there by now, but nope. It’s still scary to say I’m bisexual out loud. I have no idea how teammates, or the league, will take it. My agent tells me he’s good when I’m good. As to when that’ll be?—”
“You gotta do it when it feels right,” I replied. “Some of my players have come out recently. Things are changing, Sel. It’s slow, but it’s happening.”
“There’s so much more pressure on me now, you know? Once you hit the big-time spotlight, it’s unnerving.”
Boy, did I know it.
“Shit, sorry,” Selwin started.
I waved him off. “That was a long time ago. It’s old news. And I’m good with how things are now.”
