I wish he knew how gorgeous he is. If he could see himself through my eyes, he’d know the morning light catches the light brown flecks in his hazel-green eyes, and that his smile is my favorite thing in the world. He’d know the cuddle sessions we have are just as much for me as they are for him. He’d know no one else has ever stood a chance of winning my heart since the day I met him.
He runs his tongue across his bottom lip as he presses forward just a bit until my back is against the building behind me. Neither of us speak, we almost don’t need to anymore, but I am curious about where he’s landing with all this. Since he hasn’t moved away from me yet, I’m pretty damn hopeful.
I want to kiss him. More than I want my next breath.
Jerryn’s eyes move from mine down to my mouth and back up again, then he reaches up and plays with a tendril of my hair, something he often does when we’re lounging on my couch.
“I’m scared,” he whispers.
“Jerr—”
He puts a finger over my lips to quiet me. “I’m scared, but I’m also really excited. I didn’t think there was any way you’d ever…” His words trail off as he shakes his head.
I move his finger off my mouth. “Because of sex or something else?”
“Sex. I know we’re compatible otherwise, but this feels like a mountain I don’t know how to climb.”
“You’re not climbing alone.” I slide my hands around his waist. “So you’ve thought about us together?”
He nods, smiling softly. “How could I not? You’re my best friend and such an incredible person. I just figured it was a silly thought. Or that you’d be settling.”
“Hey.” I shake my head. “You’re not a last resort. You’ve been my first choice for a long-ass time, but I wasn’t good enough for you before.”
Jerryn scoffs. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“It does. I didn’t have my priorities right. Or maybe I fucked around so much to distract myself from wanting you.”
His brow creases. “Hearing you say stuff like that doesn’t seem real. It feels like a dream where I’m a normal person who gets to have a guy like you.”
“First of all, you are a normal person, and second, you have to get me off that pedestal. You know me better than anyone, including my flaws. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still gonna be busting my ass to deserve you if you give me a shot.”
His eyes turn glassy. “That’s not the problem, Bane. I’m trying to figure out how I deserve you. I don’t know how to keep you happy.”
I cup his face. “You have to see that you already do. I have the life I want with you, Jerr. I just want to stop pretending my feelings are only platonic. We can figure out the rest.”
He nods, blinking away the unshed tears. “I’m still scared, but I want to try.”
Hearing the words feels like taking a gulp of air after almost drowning. “You do?”
“I do. I wouldn’t let myself hope for anything between us. It just seemed useless, so I’m still surprised, but happily surprised.”
“Nothing has to change, and if you want it to, we can go slow.”
His cheeks pinken slightly. “Can I kiss you?”
I blow out a breath. “Absolutely.”
Jerryn steps a little closer, pressing his chest to mine, and closes his eyes as he leans in to kiss me. I feel like a teenager again, giddy with excitement that my crush likes me back. But this isn’t just a passing crush. This is Jerryn.
His kiss is tentative and chaste, but he lingers, reaching up to touch my neck. I’m expecting him to back away quickly, so it catches me by surprise when his lips part and his tongue dances along the seam of my lips.
I open up to him, and my whole body reacts to the deepening kiss. He has no idea that he turns me on as much as he does, or how many times I’ve stopped myself from fantasizing about him. It took all of my twenties to quit thinking of him while I jerkedoff, then part of my thirties to stop thinking about him that way. The past ten years have been me pushing away thoughts like that, but now here he is, pressed against me and kissing me like we’re alone.
I hear a wolf whistle that makes Jerryn giggle and break the kiss. I look up to see a guy who just walked past us and I laugh too.
“If Ridley were here, he’d tell us to get a room,” Jerryn says.
“He would.”
