“Parading your body out here every morning, fighting with myself to stop watching you. Begging myself to step away from that goddamn window.” He nips at the lobe.
“And every morning, I lose all the willpower I spent my life building, because you strip it away like it was nothing. Like I didn’t spend years practicing, giving up everything, sacrificing everything. Yet somehow, one look from you and it’s ripped to fucking shreds.”
“Oh God,” I whimper as my body begins to tremble.
For someone who has barely said a full sentence since he came back into my life, that wassayingsomething. I never really figured out what my love language is, but based on what he said and how I’m feeling, maybe it’s words of affirmation.
“I’m so close,” I confess as my hands grip tightly against his body. I bite my bottom lip, attempting to smother any confessions.
“That’s my good girl. Fall apart for me like I do for you.”
Yup, I’m officially a words of affirmation girl, because I erupt instantly.
I toss my head against the tree and I gasp through explosive orgasm. I feel myself practically trying to climb away from him as his fingers continue to wring it out of me. I’m desperate for him to stop, but somehow still begging for more.
A minute goes by, an hour, God who knows how long before my breath finally evens out. His forehead is leaning against mine as he pulls the straps of my top back over my shoulders, it covers my chest, but my shoulders and arms are cold to touch and covered in goosebumps.
He kisses my temple before stepping away, and I instantly feel the emptiness. The cold air wraps around my body and my eyes shoot open to see him walking away toward the side yard entrance. That same sensation I felt that night overwhelms me. Seeing his back as he walked away, feeling on top of the world just to never see him again. And never realizing it was the last time I was ever going to see him.
Pain bites my back as I fall to the ground, the husk of the tree scraping my skin as it trails over the bark. My head falls into my palms, ashamed of myself, disappointed that I repeated this again. Then a strange sensation of fear blankets me as the memories after flood in.
I lift my head and look around. My head turns frantically to the left and right, behind me, and I can’t help but look around.
I’m in my backyard. I’m in my backyard.
I coax myself, wrapping my arms around my bent knees and rocking into myself.
It’s okay. No one is here.
“Mimi?” Seamus’ voice rips me from my thoughts as my head snaps in the direction of my name. My old name. His tone is laced with so much worry and concern.
Seamus stands a couple feet away, frozen, with my shirt in one hand and jacket in the other.
He wasn’t leaving, he was grabbing my clothes.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
His questioning look gives his concern away as I attempt to gather myself.
“That’s not my name. I haven’t gone by that name in years.” I stand up, running my hands down the front of my body before wrapping my arms over each other, contradicting my lifted chin in a fake confidence.
“That’s not what’s bothering you,” he deadpans. As if he knows, because he does. I swear he’s a goddamn mind reader or something. That’s what he must have spent the last ten years doing.
“I have to get ready. I have a class.” Without meeting his gaze, I step forward grabbing both items of clothing from his hands, then sidestep to move around him. He catches my arms softly with his hand and dips his head in front of mine, searching for my eyes.
I look in the other direction, avoiding him.
“Mimi…”
My neck whiplashes back in his direction. “I’m not Mimi anymore,” I spit out as he releases my arm.
He flinches at my tone, but steps back, allowing me space to move around him. “Okay, sunshine. You win.”
I pass by him and walk into my house through the sliding door, leaving him in my backyard.
I wish I could call that a win.
15
