My first response to Coach Raymer was, “I’ll think about it.”
That took him completely by surprise, as it should. So, I finally confessed to him.
Everything.
Vegas, the wedding, keeping up the fake marriage, and what everything has turned into leading up to her decision to take this position in New York.
He was more understanding than I deserve, but now he’s worried that I won’t stay. But I have to stay. So why didn’t I fucking sign?
I walkthrough the front door of our condo, and the quietness that fills the room tells me that Ember is still sleeping. It’s not surprising, considering the week she had leading up to the massively successful opening of the club and, well, our extracurriculars in room six last night.
I walk into the kitchen and press the brew function on the coffee pot, then grab a couple of mugs down from the cabinet.
The click of the bedroom door handle rings through thesilence, followed by the soft patter of Ember’s bare feet coming down the hall.
“Hey,” she greets me softly, holding the corners of the comforter that’s draped around her like a suit of armor.
“Hey.” I smile, because I don’t want her to feel like she needs to walk on eggshells. And I can’t help but smile whenever she’s around me.
“Where’d you go?” She leans into the barstool, pushing herself up to sit on it.
“I had a meeting with Coach Raymer.” I pour her coffee into a mug and slide it her way. “He wanted to talk about a potential contract.”
Her eyebrows lift and her lips quirk up. “Really?” she says with genuine excitement.
I huff out a small chuckle and nod. “Yeah, it’s a good offer. I have to think about it.”
I peer at her over my coffee mug, taking a sip of the warm intoxicating liquid. She does the same, and her eyes roll to the back of her head with a moan.
“Wow, I think that challenges some orgasms I’ve given you.” I wiggle my eyebrows, attempting to lighten the mood.
“I’m not sure that’s possible.” The corners of her lips quirk up behind her mug, giving me a knowing look.
We have a lot of those between us. Things just we know about each other. I love knowing I hold her secrets, desires, the side that she hasn’t shown to anyone else.
That’s mine.
The floating sensation in my stomach drops, making my chest tighten when I think of her giving that to anyone else.
A pregnant pause passes between us, and I don’t want to wait any longer. Sleep evaded me all night as I fought with myself, the battle to fight for her to stay or completely let her go.
When I saw her at the top of the stairs last night, themoment my eyes connected with hers, I felt her pain, like some silent connection, rebounding between the two of us like morse code, yet avoiding a conversation about it like we don’t speak the language.
The conflict of wanting something so badly, but feeling guilty because of the hurt it will cause when we both want something so completely different.
My desire for her to stay, and her desire to take the next step in her career, doesn’t keep us together on that path.
I want to take the pain of her being forced to make that decision away. I never want to cause her that kind of suffering, but the excruciating pain exploding behind my rib cage won’t allow me to give up that easily.
Knowing I need to rip my heart out of my chest and expose it to her in order to try to keep her is worth the risk.
“I walked onto that plane, lost, aimlessly wandering through a meaningless life. Then there you were.” I can’t help but smile. “Two hours later, I stepped off that plane, alive, with only a first name and a memory of a woman I somehow fell instantly in love with.”
Her breath hitches at my confession.
“Every inch of who I am—from the surface of my skin to the depths of my soul—loves you. I love you with everything I have. I love the life we’ve built, the friends we’ve made, the experiences we’ve had. Nothing about what we’ve had has beenfakefor me. None of it.”
She curls the comforter closer together, tightening it around her body.
