The ache growing inside has me squeezing my eyes shut as my sister continues.
“Do you not remember how hurt you got after high school? How you continued to get hurt every time he chose her over you?”
“She was his wife. I understood…” I say weakly.
She scoffs. “And what? She’s dead now, so you can swoop in.”
“Jesus, Marie.”
“Sorry, I’m just scared for you. You’ve loved Ethan your whole life, but don’t you think if it was meant to be, it would have happened a lot sooner?”
I frown, even if she can’t see it. Half of me agrees with her, but the other half still holds out hope. “Maybe. Or maybe he didn’t know exactly what he wanted back then. We were young.”
My sister sighs. “Trent, I love you. But I’m telling you in aI’m grabbing your face so you’re staring right into my soultype of way, this isn’t a good idea. You’re going to end up hurt.”
She’s right, of course. I know she is, but I know that if he initiates anything, I’ll be too weak to say no. I’ve always loved Ethan from afar, and always respected his relationships while trying to move on from my crush. So to have something that I’ve wanted dangled in my face, it’ll be hard to say no.
When I don’t answer, Marie tsks her tongue. “You’re going to do it anyway, I know you are. And when you get hurt, guess what?”
I grit my teeth. “You’ll be there to tell me I told you so.”
“No, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, dumbass. I love you even if you’re fucking stupid. Goodnight, thanks for ruining my night with your whoring shenanigans.” She hangs up as I smile, shaking my head.
When I open the hotel door, my stomach is a storm of nerves. Ethan is on his laptop, pinched together eyebrows that relax when he sees me come in.
“Coffee. Thank god,” he says with a smile. I hand him his cup and then head to my bed as his attention returns to his computer. “So I think I found a firm that can help me with an emergency hearing. The problem is the courts seem to answerthe quickest to protective custody orders, but I just want to test to see if she’s mine.”
“That’s good. And if she is? What’s your plan then?” I ask, lying down and throwing my arm over my eyes. My body doesn’t feel tired, but my mind does.
He sighs. “I don’t know, but I don’t think I can just leave her if she’s mine. How am I supposed to go back to my life knowing that my biological child is halfway across the world and doesn’t even know I exist?”
“I don’t think anyone would blame you either way. Your wife hid her from you, you have a right to be in her life, or you can move on,” I say with a shrug, though I know my best friend would never abandon his kid.
“Is it bad that I’m hoping she’s not mine?” There’s a crack in his voice that I ignore because I think he’s tearing himself apart for a clean break from this family. But then it would also be closing the door on a relationship he’s been in since we were sixteen and coming away from it with nothing but bad memories.
“No, I think that would be the best case scenario.”
He glances up at me with shock. “You do?”
I nod. “Yeah, it would offer you the best chance to move on from all of it.”
Better option than getting drunk and pissing all over the garden. Ethan doesn’t say anything, sipping at his coffee and staring blankly ahead.
“Was last night awkward for you?” he asks, clearing his throat and glancing away when I look at him.
I sigh, sitting up in bed. “Honestly… no. Was it for you?”
Ethan’s jaw works back and forth then he shakes his head. “No. I… uh. Enjoyed it.”
My heart pounds, a nervous hum crackling under my skin. The base of my neck and down my spine lights with tension as I try to keep my breathing calm. “I did too.”
His head tilts toward me and our gazes lock, then his tongue sweeps across his bottom lip and I blow out a large gush of air. “I, uh. When we were younger, sometimes I wondered,” he says, his cheeks turning a hint of red.
I swallow down the ache in my throat. “Wondered about what?”
Ethan’s head rolls back and he stares up at the ceiling. “I guess what it would be like to hook up with you.”
My eyes close briefly and then I nod. “Me specifically or like other men?”
