“Nope. Not gonna happen, sweets. Pretend… or not… today is a special one for you and Josh. There is no way I’ll let you go through with this when you don’t look your best. Besides, I’ve been in contact with the owner and they’re waiting for us.”
I turn my face toward him and voice my fears. “So they know to expect a big girl? That’ll give them time to find the ugliest things they’ve got and hope they fit. I’ve been there and done that.”
“Kendall, honey, there’s no way I would ever allow that to happen again. I think you’ll be surprised. This shop specializes in lushly curved women like you. I took the liberty of letting them know your best styles and your size.”
I jerk upright. “And how the hell would you know all that when I don’t even have a clue?”
He presses his palm over his heart and widens his eyes. I can’t figure out how he can look both innocent and devilish at the same time. “Sweets, I am a gay man with impeccable taste. Of course I know. Question is… do you trust me?”
I do and allow him to guide me into the shop. By the time he’s done, I’ve got four or five new outfits as well as my wedding attire. They even provided matching shoes. I’m exhausted by the time we climb back into the car. And a little tipsy. I took full advantage of the champagne they offered. Hell, it’s my day—so they say—and I might as well enjoy myself.
Turning in my seat, I stare at the fancy clothing bags in the back of the vehicle. “Are we done yet?”
“One more thing. Well, two. First, a spa treatment to relax you. Then they’ll help you get ready. Hair. Makeup. Your beautiful dress. I’ve reserved a secluded table at the new restaurant Eclissi for your pre-wedding dinner. From there you and Josh will head to the chapel and…”
“And we’ll be fake married.”
six
Josh
My lover always has the best ideas. An afternoon at the spa is what I need to distract me from my impending marriage. Reclining on the bench in the sauna I close my eyes. Impending marriage. That doesn’t make it sound like a good thing, like something I’m looking forward to. The situation is crazy odd. My emotions are right up there in the outrageous department. Why did I ever think this would be a good idea.
I lean forward to rest my elbows on my thighs and cradle my head in my palms. Marrying Kendall is a good idea in so many ways but Ishould have approached her differently. Explained the situation rather than outright proposing. Yet even with those fumbles, this feels right.
Keni and me.
And Devin. There is no Keni and me without him. Thank god he didn’t make me choose. I’m not sure I could make that decision. I’ve loved Keni since high school. Devin since I met him in college. Back then I had a difficult time accepting how much I wanted Keni. I was gay. Not straight. I hadn’t discovered I didn’t have to be exclusively one or the other. Labels suck. And the people who do the labeling, or make you label yourself? Suck even more.
Even now it’s difficult to say I’m bi. Not in general, but to the person who needs to hear it the most. Fear lodges in my chest. How is she going to react? My worst fear? That she’ll hate me and believe I’ve lied to her all these years. That she won’t give me a chance to love her as more than just my friend. As an equal partner.
Like Devin.
Devin. Something’s bothering him, too. I grimace and give a soft snort. At least he’s always known he’s bi. We’ve discussed our wants, our needs, our desires. A couple years ago we seriouslystarted talking about the possibility of having a woman join our relationship.
I’ve always wanted Keni. He knows that. But he’s never said exactly what he wants in a female partner. He’s open about everything else in his life, I don’t understand why he’s closed me out of this possibility.
Now Keni will be a fake permanent part of our lives. For a while anyway. How is he going to deal with this? Hell, how amIgoing to deal? I don’t even know if she’ll believe me when I tell he how I’ve felt. Fuck, how did life get so damned complicated?
Thanks, Uncle Harold. You really started something. I only hope fulfilling your wishes doesn’t totally screw up the lives of two of the people I love most in this world.
Ending my downward spiral, an attendant knocks on the sauna door to indicate it’s time for my massage. This is one form of pampering I never skimp on and today’s massage will be both Swedish followed by hot stones. I find the stones particularly relaxing. I need all the help I can get today.
My body is possibly over-relaxed as I make my way back to our suite. According to Devin’s time table, Keni should be arriving for her spa timeshortly. I’ll meet her outside the spa later for our pre-wedding supper date. Devin’s taken care of all the logistics with his usual flair and competence. Even giving me time for a nap.
Even though my body is relaxed, my mind won’t shut off, so I pour two… okay three fingers of bourbon into a glass and settle on the couch, staring out the window. There’s no answers in the distant mountains so I sip my drink and focus on building the courage and determination I need to face the rest of the day. And the questions I know are coming from the woman I love.
“Babe?”
I wake to Devin’s fingers caressing my cheek and his upside down face peering at me from where he stands behind the couch. “It’s time to get ready.”
“Is it?” Pressing my cheek against the warmth of his palm, I sigh. “Am I doing the right thing, hon? Getting Kendall involved in what could turn out to be a huge clusterfuck? I don’t want her to get hurt.”
He circles the couch and sits next to me, lifting the nearly empty bottle. “All this? You are worried.”
The tip of my tongue touches the smoky remnants of the expensive bourbon lingering on my lips. Devin’s eyes follow the slow swipe before he leans forward to kiss me. I’m always amazed at howmuch he conveys with just the press of his lips. A tiny tremor tells me he’s concerned as well, the firmer glide before he eases away is supportive, a vote of confidence.
“I believe,” he drawls slowly, a hint of his southern accent slipping out. “Everything is going to work out fine. And if it’s too much for Keni, or for you, since there’s no legalities binding you together, walking away is always a possibility.”
