“I understand. I planned on coming over anyhow. I have some stuff I need to run by him for an event. I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Thanks, Jamie. I hope he opens up for you.”
“If not, I’ll gladly kick his ass back in line. He’s an idiot if he loses you, Ren. You’re an amazing person, and you two are good together. Hang in there if you can. I guess you already are since you’re calling me instead of walking out, but you get what I mean.”
“I do. It will take more than whatever this is for me to walk out on him, but he’s getting too close to that edge.”
CHAPTER29
ENJOY THE SILENCE
DEPECHE MODE
“Where’s Ren?”Jamie asks as he walks out and pulls a chair up next to mine. Listening to how long it drags on the concrete deck makes me feel like a fucking dick for doing the same thing earlier, and that’s his intention. Jamie doesn’t do passive aggressive when I’m involved; we’re too close to one another for that shit. We’re brothers, and we’ve always been honest to a fault with each other. It’s what keeps us true to ourselves.
“Probably upstairs packing her shit up and getting ready to light the house on fire.”
“She wouldn’t do that.” He drops into his chair and pops the top on his beer before clanging the top against the neck of my empty. “She’d get the dogs out first.”
I agree with a grunt.
“So, you wanna talk about it? Steve says you’re canceling workouts, the internet says you're backing out of projects, and when I checked your phone, I found ten missed calls from Cyn.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll give you credit, man. I half expected an outgoing call to one of the, uhm, dating services Steve used to use. I mean, since you want to implode your relationship and life at such an epic level, you might as well go out with abang,right? Pun intended.”
“Fuck you.”
“You’re not my type. What the fuck is going on? I thought you talked to Clay?” I don’t answer, so he leans over and ruffles my hair until I swat at him and grunt. “Oh, full caveman, now? Not talking is my gig; you can’t have it.”
Jamie and I met back in high school. He didn’t talk to anyone for a few years, and some dickhead tried to jump him. I kicked the kid’s ass, but they tried to suspend me. Jamie spoke up and saved my butt. We’ve been the dynamic duo ever since, adding Steve about a year later.
“What do you want? Why are you even here?”
“Officially? I got the numbers back on that new grant we talked about for the center and thought you’d like to take a look. Unofficially? Because the best thing that ever happened to you called me worried sick.”
“I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“I was! Now I’m the second best. You’re losing your ever loving mind, man.” He sighs when I shake my head. I don’t even know what to say, unsure if I’m angry or sad…or both. “Coop, don’t let her go, okay? She’s not the problem, but she deserves to know what is. Tell her, and not just the sugar-coated version. Tell her everything. The truth. Every fucking word of it.”
I wipe my nose on the back of my hand like I’m fucking five. Jamie’s right, I’m falling apart just like last time. Worse. This time I can’t stop. Ren doesn’t deserve that. Ren deserves better. She deserves for me to come clean and open up about what’s going on. Or she deserves to move on to someone who can treat her better than I am.
First, though, I need to tell Jamie. “I opened the room.” I mumble, but he hears me anyhow. Hell, I’m sure he knew before he even sat down. Of all the people she could have called, Jamie is the only one who can pull me out of this emotional nosedive. Maybe.
“Shit, for real? Okay.”
“I talked to Theo, like I told you. We talked about going after our demons and not confusing Ren for Cassie, and it made sense. I promised myself and Ren I’d do better, and I did for a while. Until I saw some of those fucking vultures outside the house.”
“So you conveniently waited until she left for work? And made sure none of your support system could stand with you to confront your demons alone? Like the fucking idiot you are sometimes?”
“Seriously, fuck you.”
“You should have waited for Devin or Steve. You should have called me, you prick.” He stands up, but I don’t make eye contact. He sounds pissed. No, worse than that, he sounds disappointed. “The way I see it, you have two options right now, pal. Option one, you get the fuck in there, and you spill your fucking guts like you’re Linda fucking Blair. You show her the room and lay all that pain out at her feet while you beg for her to stay. I guarantee she won’t leave you for that, man. She wants to help you, but she can’t do that if you won’t tell her what’s up.”
“What’s option two?”
He groans and shakes his head. “I’ll take the bullet for you, but just this once. You’re going to owe me so fucking much if you make me do this, and I probably won’t talk to you for at least six months.” He puts his hands on his hips and stares down at me. “I’ll tell her what happened, help her pack her things, and take her home. After that, I’ll seal the room back up so you don’t have to face the monsters till you’re ready.”
