I’m flipping through flower shops when my kid brother comes barreling in the front door with a case of beer under each arm.
“C, you here?” As Devin yells out, Lulu leaps from the couch and slides across the floor in a frantic effort to reach him.
“Yeah. Living room.”
“I got beer! Oh, and no practice tomorrow morning. The ice is fucked up.” There’s a thunk as he puts the beer down and the sound of Lulu’s feet tap dancing on the tile stops. “The Zamboni caught fire, man,” he says, coming into the room.
“What?” I glance up from my phone and see Dev holding my dog like a baby, even though she’s almost sixty pounds of muscle. “What do you mean,caught fire?”
“I dunno, that’s what the ice guy said, man. They were flooding the ice and the damn thing started smoking and then, BOOM! Fire.”
“Wait, it exploded?”
“No.”
“Boom means it exploded, dude.”
“Whatever, man! Can I turn on the game? We’re playing against Jacksonville in two days and I want to see if their new forward holds up to the hype. I heard he’s killing it, and I don’t wanna come off like a damn newb between the posts, you know?.”
I nod. I don’t think my little brother will ever outlive his frat boy lifestyle. He’s a good guy, and a phenomenal goalie, but he can be a bit of an idiot sometimes, but that’s goalies for you. Devin puts Lulu down, turns on the recorded game, and goes to put the beer in the fridge. He hands me a cold one when he comes back and I take it without looking up.
“Nah, don’t get those. Those are for old ladies.”
“What?”
“The flowers. I mean, unless you’re getting them for an old lady.” He watches my reaction with a big smile, but his face drops when I continue to stare at him. “Dude, what? Those are what you’d buy for someone’s grandmother or like a teacher or something.”
“Well, maybe sheisa teacher, fuckface.”
“Ohhhh,” he nods and thinks about it for a while as he sits. Lulu jumps up next to him, pushing me over as she works her way under his arm and halfway onto his lap, licking the condensation off his bottle. He doesn’t even notice as he continues to pet her. “So, why are you buying flowers for a teacher?”
“Because I ran into her last night and?—”
“With your car?! Jesus Christ, man! Wait, which one? The Jag?!”
“Shut up, no, notwithmy car!” I push the idiot’s shoulder, sloshing his beer, but like a true Canadian and goalie, he saves it. “It’s, I dunno, I met her at a thing and I just, I dunno, want to send her something…nice.”
“Nice as inthanks for being a teacheror nice as inI wanna get in your pants?”
“Kind of…in the middle? Why?” I take a long drink as we watch the center take the puck from behind the net, skate down the ice, and score on a one-timer. “Is that the guy?”
“Yeah, that’s him.” He plays the shot back a few more times in slow motion and hits play again before turning to me. “Dude, if you’re not just being nice and you want a date out of this, flowers aren’t the way to go. Do that later, but don’t go overboard.”
“Overboard?”
He flashes me a goofy grin, “You know, like when you bought the cute girl with the accent a whole ass kitchen remodel after you’d dated her for, what, a month?”
“Jessica, and we dated for almost a year.” I act offended, even though I’m not. “Man, I couldn’t cook in that tiny excuse for a kitchen she had. I made an absolute mess the one time I tried.”
“As big of a mess as when you walked in on her getting railed over that sweet ass marble countertop by the construction foreman you hired? Exactly how many meals did you cook after it was done?”
“Oh, fuck off.”
“Not an answer.” Devin glares at me before he holds his hands up. He should expect me to swing on him for that, but I cut him some slack. “I’m just saying you should slow it down a bit. It’s been a while since you went for more than just a quick hookup.”
“Ihavedated since—” I think hard and realize there’s nothing. Nothing but regrets and too many faceless women. “—nevermind. Whatever. Fuck you.”
“No thanks. So, uh, who is she?”
