“Talk to me?”
“It’s nothing, Chase. I just stood for too long.”
He lifts me onto his chest, and I curl up on top of him like a cat. We watched movies like this the day after our date. He plays with my hair as we lay together in comfortable silence. It’s peaceful, relaxing.
“Tell me about your brother,” I ask as the dogs settle in next to us.
“Devin? He’s a nutcase, but he’s an alright kid. I can’t wait for you to meet him more than just a few shouts down the hallway.” He laughs and rubs Lulu’s head. “I don’t know how we’re related sometimes. Devin’s always been the life of the party, always the happy, fun guy to my grumpy, standoffish internalization of everything.”
“He’s still young, right? And playing professional sports?” Chase nods against my head. “He’s still a baby, but he’s not going to grow up till he retires.” He laughs, and it reverberates through me.
“I hope he never does. I hope he always sees the world for its happiness and the good in people. That’s what you do for me.” I lift my head and he’s staring down at me. It’s that look he had on our date. The one that melts the walls around my heart. “Your eyes are like brownies. Caramel brownies. Not the dark chocolate kind, but the light brown, gooey ones. Fuck, they’re beautiful and apparently I’m hungry.”
“You’re so strange, but you’re cute.” I lean up and give him a peck on the lips, fold my arms on his chest, and rest my head on them. “Did you play hockey, too?”
“I did, a little. Baseball, too. Could have played pro ball, but went with acting instead. Fewer injuries and bullshit, or so I thought.”
“You were destined for fame no matter what path you chose, Puppy.” My fingers play on his arms, drawing shapes and writing his name over and over. He struggles to keep his eyes open as the motion almost lulls him to sleep. My ability to calm him worries me the most. I don’t want to take that away from him.
“Were your parents into sports?”
“No. My dad worked as a long-haul trucker and my mom was…absent.” He kisses the top of my head and hugs his arms around me. “What about you? Did you always want to teach?”
“No. Teacher never made the list when people asked what I hoped to be. It sounded like too much, and I wasn’t wrong. I had dreams of becoming an astronaut or invent something revolutionary like Bill Gates. Not for the money, I just wanted to play with all those shiny toys.”
“What changed?”
“I had other priorities. I became an adult with bills to pay and my ex couldn’t hold down a job. I had started classes for my masters and had a stack of PhD applications ready to go, but we needed money more than I needed to touch the stars.”
“I’m so sorry, Ren.”
“It’s okay. We all make sacrifices.”
“You deserve to touch the stars. You deserve to have the stars flown down to you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m touching a star right now, aren’t I?Mi estrella del cine.Besides, I always expected it. I come from a big, broke as fuck family. We struggled a lot after my dad died. We all had to work hard, and it just became a normal thing. I’m the first one in my family to get a degree. He would have been so proud of that.”
He stares at me like he wants to say something, like he wants to promise me more than just the stars, but doesn’t know how. “That must have been tough, giving up your hopes for someone else. It might be weird, but I kind of envy the big family part. I didn’t really have anyone until Devin came along. Dad spent more time on the road than at home. I’d only see him once or twice a month, but he drank. Mom only came around when she needed money. So I raised Dev. Don’t ask me how he survived. A twelve-year-old makes a terrible dad figure.”
“Hey, I get it. My brothers and I raised Dani, and look how terrible she turned out.”
We laugh together, staring at each other again, not realizing how close we are until our mouths press together. We share slow kisses that turn into deep promises and hopes, and back to slow once more. It’s like we can’t help ourselves, a magnetic force keeps forcing us together.
“How did you end up in Los Angeles?” I ask, shifting my body down so his mouth won’t be as easy to reach and so damn tempting.
“Dad had an accident at work. Thankfully, it wasn’t the booze. He fucked up his back real bad. The inspector found some faulty part on the truck. Dad found an okay lawyer and, for once in his life, sobered up enough to do something good with the settlement money. My mom’s arrest right after his accident opened his eyes. He had a sister in Pasadena, so the three of us moved in with her.”
His hands slide under my shirt and he rubs my back while still holding me tight. Pongo paws at him a little before he shoves his face into Chase’s neck. They stay like that, and god, it’s adorable, but I’m a little concerned this might be a response to stress from Pongo. I’ve seen him come to Chase so often in the short time I’ve known them. I hope it’s not my fault, and I didn’t ask him anything too upsetting or personal.
“Are we okay, Renate?”
“I…I don’t want to hurt you, Chase. Relationships are hard for me because of my past.”
There’s a long pause as he continues to stroke my hair. “Maybe I’m okay with you hurting me,” the heavy sadness in his soft whisper almost brings tears to my eyes. “You, uh, you wanna show me what’s in your bag so we can stop talking about this for a bit?”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t open up about that stuff too often except with my shrink, so I kind of need some of your sunshine, gorgeous.” He takes hold of my hips, moving me back and forth and sending sparks down my spine. “Or I’m gonna have to take care of you without the bag of goodies.”
