The other people in school teased me for my weight, being poor, or my accent even though the school had plenty of other Hispanic kids. The braces and puberty made everything a thousand times worse. I struggled to find a place to belong and when I thought I’d found it in a familiar face; I ended up in bed with the devil.
I fell for him, because there had never been anyone else. I thought he loved me when he said I’d be pretty if I lost a few pounds. I did everything he asked because I wanted to make him happy because in my impressionable mind, that’s how love worked. I became a prisoner under his rule, and after my father died, it became physical. Luis could lay the charisma on so thick, it fooled everyone around us. We played the part of a happy couple, and I learned how to hide the bruises behind a smile.
The crash of a glass shattering against the marble floor silences the room long enough for me to realize I’m doing it again. Drifting off into my mind and bringing up a past I want to bury. I’m staring at the same test I’ve been struggling to grade for almost forty-five minutes.
I worried this would happen, and I should have stuck to my rules and trusted my boundaries. I went on that date hoping for a good dicking down and a bit of fun. But hadn’t prepared for the guy doing it to knock down my mental walls, exposing feelings I hadn’t prepared for. I don’t want to admit I’m terrified I’ll fall for another man’s lies.
My phone buzzes on the table and I have to close my eyes and push out a slow breath to calm the butterflies. When I glance down at the phone, I’m relieved to read my sister’s name, but also disappointed at not see his name.
“Hey, Dani.”
“Yo! How did the meeting with the lawyer go? They throwing his ass back in jail?”
“No. He fooled them all with that fucking charm. They put him on probation and we’re working on a better restraining order.”
“Pshh, as if those work. Fucker.”She yells to someone in the background to stop being so loud, the hypocrisy makes me laugh.“I’m gonna get so many restraining orders on him, you could use them to plaster the fucking Great Wall of China twice over! Watch me!”
“I’ll let the lawyer, and China, know. How’s your trip going?”
“It doesn’t suck. Okay, one part kind of does suck. Can you please talk to Chase?”I don’t answer, and she gets the hint.“Seriously? Shit, I’m going to google the term spinster and find your picture right there, big as day!”
“Daniella, you’re just mad I didn’t fall for your stupid matchmaking bullshit. Besides, I’m too damn old to be a spinster. I prefer the term forest crone.”
“You’re afraid of the forest, you crazy city hag!”
“Only because you watch too much horror and murder shows where everyone fuckingdiesin the forest!”
Laughing feels incredible. There’s been too much on my mind, which aggravates my immune system and causes flares no matter how much medication I’m on. This morning, I almost didn’t bother to get out of bed. All of this because of a stupid boy and his stupid smile.
“He’s a nice guy, Ren. And you can’t tell me the sex sucked. Are you going to do the ‘I don’t need anyone’dance for the rest of your life?”
“Yeah, this coming from the girl dating a… what does Xander call himself again?”
“Artistic free spirit of the digital age, don’t change the subject. This isn’t about us.”
“Is free spirit a new term for unemployed, freeloading, rich brat who goes to rehab the way normal peasants take vacations?” I wince. That came out far more harsh than I had intended. “Sorry, I haven’t had enough coffee yet and I’m snippy. You know I love Xander.”
“It isn’t rehab.”She waits to see if I react, but I don’t. Xander’s bad boy aesthetic has no bite. He’s a bored, rich kid trying to act like a badass when he spends weekends at ski resorts in sweater vests. I’ve never called him on it because most people are dealers who lie and pretend to be anything else. I don’t want to learn about what went so wrong in his life to make him pretend to be a dealer. He doesn’t even try that hard. He’s little more than a nineties goth leftover that someone returned to Spirit Halloween and my sister picked him up on clearance. Dani believes she’s destined for stardom and riches, so in her mind, they’re equals, unlike Chase and me.
“Please, just call him?”
“He’s with you right now and that’s why you’re asking, isn’t he?”
“No! Okay, maybe! He’s across the room, sulking, and the guys and I are worried about him. Fuck, he’s so boring when he’s in a mood.”She lets out an exasperated sigh.“He’s putting on this happy front for Stevie and Ethan when he can because he doesn’t want to fuck up their wedding and all. But he’s a fucking mess. Like, Pongo won’t even leave his side. He’s so worked up. Not like in a Luis mess way, like a lost… I dunno?—”
“Puppy?” The whisper comes out too easily and I can only hope Dani hasn’t heard me. “Well, it’s better for him that we got this over with before either of us could get hurt.”
“Oh my god, you’re both so dumb!”
“I love you, too. Tell me more about Italy.” She’s been texting us pictures non-stop. I give her and Xander a lot of shit, but he makes sure she’s got everything she could ever need. Including a beautiful hotel room with an amazing view. I’m more jealous of their relationship than I care to admit.
“Oh my god, I love Italy and you should have come!”
“They’re your friends, Dani. These are your people. They’re not mine.”
“They could be.”
“I need to go. I have to finish grading.”
