There’s silence on the line and I’m terrified I’ve scared him away. I don’t want him to call the whole thing off and because I’m too weird. Too clingy.
“Lexi, I would absolutely love to take you away for an entire week—hell, longer if you want—but first, you have to be honest with me. What are you running from? Did something happen tonight?”
“It’s… it’s nothing, really. I… I haven’t had a vacation in a while and, I mean, this isn’t even really a vacation, it’s work, but I—” My lungs lock up and the words hurt to say. The hot sting of the tears burns my eyes even though I’m fighting hard for them to stay away. I just need to get through this phone call. But my body won’t let me. “I can’t. I can’t lie to you. Why can’t I lie to you?”
“Breathe for me, Cherry Blossom.”
I stop rambling and start counting and breathing. His voice is coaching me through each breath like he’s here, holding me. It’s exactly like I did for him yesterday. I don’t do this. This isn’t me. I don’t fall for guys after just a few days. I don’t cry in front of people. I don’t break down on the phone. I bury my secrets; I always have. I don’t tell them to people who are practically strangers, hell I don’t even tell friends. No one believes me when I do, so why should I tell anyone?
“You don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart. You have nothing to be ashamed about, okay? That’s the first thing I need you to know. The second is that I’m not going anywhere. When you feel like you can tell me, tell me. Until then, just know that I’m here for you.”
I’ve already told him more than I’ve told anyone else.
“Ronnie is trying to take me to Orange County. He says we’re visiting a new church they bought. It’s all bullshit though, because there’s a new pastor and I think...” I close my eyes and say the one thing I’ve been screaming inside for so long. “James, I’m… I’m scared. I’m scared to go with him, but I’m scared not to. I’m scared he’s going to force me into…that they’ll try to…”
“Keep your phone with you in case you fall asleep. I’m headed over.”
“No, it’s late. I’m okay, I?—”
“You don’t need to be alone right now. You have every reason to be scared, and I want to be there for you so you know you don’t have to go through this alone.Do you want me to bring pie? Ice cream? Burgers? Anything from anywhere?”
“I’m serious, James. You can’t come over here just because I’m a little insecure.”
His muffled voice yells something, and another voice replies, but I can’t hear their words. He’s moving around and shuffling like he’s packing stuff up.
“I can, will, and am. Be there in twenty plus time to grab stuff. If you don’t text me what you want, it’s pie.”
“James, you’re with your friends and I?—”
“Stop arguing. Be over in a bit. I?—”
He stops moving around and there’s a silence; it’s almost deafening.
“I’ll see you soon, beautiful.”
CHAPTER26
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
BILLY JOEL
I putmy bag and the pie on the ground before I knock, and then I wait. I almost told her I love her on the phone and ever since then I’ve been a jittery mess. It’s like my brain and my heart are arguing over what the hell I’m doing. I can’t tell which one is winning. The second she opens the door, I wrap around her, lifting her off the floor and holding her as tight as I can. At first, she hesitates, but it doesn’t last long and soon she’s got her arms around my neck and she’s holding me just as tight.
We say nothing because it’s not the time to. Right now is the time for her to know I’m real and I’m here. She doesn’t need to fight these demons—real and in her head—alone. Once she understands that, it will be time for pie and probably tears. I walk her in and sit her down on the couch.
“Forensic Files?” I roll my eyes playfully as the overly dramatic voice tells me about some egregious error made by a guy in the late 80s.
“Comfort television?” Lexi shrugs.
I chuckle as I go through the house and turn off the lights, making sure the blinds are all shut. Before she can close her laptop, I catch a glimpse of the screen. “What’s that?” At first I figured it was part of the project when I saw my name, but then the graphic caught my eye.
She bites her lip as she turns the computer toward me so I can see it better. “Your business cards kind of suck.”
I don’t even try to hold back the laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, they do.”
“Sometimes I design things when I’m stressed out. It helps me focus and relax. What do you think?” She redesigned the whole card, and it’s beautiful. Instead of the boring, basic card I had, she’s got colors, graphics, and better fonts. “I can change the logo if you want, but I thought it was a nice personal touch. Might help market yourself better.” It’s a camera aperture with a blue rubber ducky in the middle, just like the ones that fell out of my Jeep at the beach.
“I fucking love it, Angel. It’s brilliant.” Her giant smile makes my heart flutter.
