He nods, and it takes a minute before I feel the tension in his arm loosen a little. He stares at me with those sad eyes I can’t get enough of and all I want to do is hold him.
“She’s threatened me for years. Cost me jobs and friends because she said I ruined her life. She blames me for our parents’ divorce and every time something good happens in my life, she’s there to blow it up.”
“Boy, we sure have some fucked up families, don’t we?”
His eyes meet mine, and he’s undoubtedly confused. I’ve never seen a man look so fragile before and for me, it’s like looking into some kind of bizarre mirror. Everyone has pain, but finding someone with pain that you truly understand on its most raw level isn’t something you expect when it cuts so deep. I see him with his fear and panic and I know how all of that feels, even if it is for different reasons. The pain is the same. This isn’t healable. This is the hurt that will stay with you until you die and you either learn to live with it or you lose the fight.
“In the last forty-eight hours, I’ve lived more than I have since my sister left and I was alone.” I caress his cheek. Some people have this innate need to fix someone. It’s an entire writing hook that authors routinely lean on. I’m taking this step because I know I can’t fix him, and I’m hoping he knows he can’t fix me, but maybe we don’t have to be alone. That would be enough for me.
“Park the Jeep. Come upstairs.”
“I can’t.”
“You can because I believe you, James.” I squeeze his hand and nod to him.
He wipes his eyes on the back of his hand and takes a shaky breath before driving up the block and finding a spot. He shifts into park, and I notice the deep worry crease in his brow.
“Lexi, you don’t have to do this. I understand.”
“Do you want to come upstairs?” He nods with a sniffle.
I smile, “Good, then stop arguing with me and let’s get past this.”
CHAPTER21
JUST LIKE HEAVEN
??? THE CURE
I can’t breathe,I can’t control my thoughts, I can’t stand. I’m a fucking mess.
I don’t understand what’s going on, because I should be on my way home to sulk for the rest of my life. I should be letting Elle win so I can keep her away from Lexi. Lexi should hate me for hiding this from her. She should run as far away from me as she can. None of that is happening, though. Instead, I’m sitting next to her in the Jeep, and she’s taking me through breathing exercises because she asked me to come upstairs. I’m not even sure how I got the Jeep parked.
“Okay,” she coaches, stroking my arm gently. “Last one. Can you tell me one thing you can taste?”
I take a deep breath and slow my brain down, just like she’s been telling me to do. “You? I still, I think I taste your lip gloss stuff.”
“Cotton candy. The judges will accept your answer. Feeling any better?” I nod and press my forehead to hers, closing my eyes. “What are you thinking about?”
“I think I have a date tonight. She’s a pretty girl with whiskey-colored eyes.” When I look at her, the brightest, most brilliant images of the stars and galaxies can’t even compare. “We’re supposed to watch movies and fall asleep on the couch together again. I want to show her she’s special while I can. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and she’s perfect. I’m just hoping I’m not too late, hoping she hasn’t changed her mind and realized what a fuck up I am.”
“She hasn’t, so let’s get up there and hit the reset button, okay?”
I grab all our things from the Jeep and help her onto my back. She only fought it for a minute when I insist on carrying her at least to the elevator. The world is moving strangely and too fast for me to keep up. I’m not sure what the fuck I’m even doing, but she’s not giving up on me.
“Alright, put me down, Prince Charming. I think I can handle it from here.”
The gate hasn’t even closed and I’ve already got her pushed against the wall, losing myself as I kiss her upper lip in a deep, slow, deliberate kiss. We met two days ago, been kind of together for six hours, and already we’ve shared more of ourselves than some couples do in a lifetime. We’ve seen the raw emotion and shared some of the torment that haunts us both.
I need to touch her; I need to know she’s real. This is real. Her skin sends waves of warmth through my body and it almost…tickles. Just touching her is enough to make me happy.
“I want you,” I say before our mouths collide again in a hot and uncontrollable need.
I grab her hips and push her against the wall of the elevator. I nip her bottom lip, and my hand slips up the back of her shirt and pulls her closer. The driving need for more consumes me as I lift her, and her legs wrap around my waist.
I wonder how like me she is. I wonder if she’s ever had a chance to just relax and let go. I want to be that for her, like she just was for me. Be the one she can always be herself with. I need her to let go for me in more ways than one, but that means I’ll need to let go for her, too.
I carry her through the hall, briefly stopping to unlock the apartment, then I bring her directly to the bedroom. I don’t give two shits if her mother is watching again. She can knock all she wants. We’re busy.
