“Please, mom—” My voice sounds pitiful and I barely get the words out.
“Should I have him bring one of our sheriff’s office parishioners with him? Did that boy touch you, Alexis? I swear to the baby Jesus himself, if he got you pregnant I’ll?—”
“STOP IT!” I scream, holding the side of my head and pulling my legs up to my chest. The line is silent and the seconds squeeze my lungs tighter.
“Excuse me?”
I want to scream, but I beg in a childish whimper, “Please don’t.” the breath I take sounds like I’m some kind of asthmatic. I shouldn’t have yelled. It’s exactly what she wanted. “I’m sorry, Mother. I’ll be home later, and we can discuss this when I’m home. Please don’t send Ronnie.”
The silence that follows is a deep, dark sludge and I’m trapped waist deep. Silence around her is more terrifying as my entire body stiffens as I wait for what’s coming. I’m shaking, and I can’t stop. Then there’s a warmth as his hand wraps around mine and he squeezes. I can’t even look at him. I don’t want him to see this version of me.
“I want you to call me when you get home to let me know you’re alright.”She flips on a dime, and abruptly, the poison in her voice turns to honey.“You know I’m just worried about you. There’s no need to yell at me like that when all I want is for you to be safe.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Did you get to work on that project for your father?”Each word is calm and calculated. I email her updates on the project daily; she knows how far along I am. She’s taken me to the edge and pushed me over like she planned.“That’s your priority and your penance. Your service to God to amend for these sins you insist on committing.”
“Stepfather.”
“Alexis, don’t start with me.”She’s back again, coiled like a snake, ready to strike.“You’re an adult; act like one.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck this,” James says under his breath.
“Who was that?”
James’s hand lets go of mine and grabs the back of my seat as he turns to check traffic, then zips into the lane for the off-ramp. The noise from the wind now that we’re moving again is deafening, and I barely hear my mother freaking out and screaming at me.
“Alexis Strauss, what is all that noise? Oh my god, are you on a motorcycle?”
“I gotta go. It’s really hard to hear. I’ll call you tonight. I love you, Mom.”
I end the call and close my eyes. I’m ready to break down and crawl back into bed. I want to hide. I’m sure I’m about to throw up when his hand returns, this time on my knee. He wants me to know I’m not alone, but I am. I hide my face, turning toward the window.
CHAPTER14
BROWN EYED GIRL
VAN MORRISON
“Angel,can you open your eyes for me?” The wind quiets as we slow down and I pull off to the side of the ramp. “Come on, just long enough to breathe with me for a bit, okay?”
I’d heard enough from Lexi’s mother, so I used one of the oldest tricks in the book for a Jeep owner. I find the gap in traffic and punch the gas, heading for the coming offramp. Earlier, when the wind kept us from talking, I had cursed myself for leaving the top off. Now I’m glad to have the roaring wind tunnel to shut her mother up.
Lexi’s blocking out the world around her by shutting her eyes tight against it. I don’t blame her; I would, too. I have.
“Angel?” I keep my voice soft while I gently stroke her arm with my knuckles. If she doesn’t want to be touched, even a soft brush could be enough to send me off the edge of a cliff. Her. I meanher. I wonder how much more we have in common.
She chokes on a sob she doesn’t want me to hear, “I’m okay. Can we…can we just go?”
“Yeah, whatever you need, sweetheart.” I pull back out onto the road, my mind racing to find some way to fix this.
I understand why Dani was trying to match the two of us. Lexi understands trauma, and while that should make me believe I’m not alone, and we share things in common, it makes everything worse. My beautiful muse hides her scars on the inside. Her broken pieces of armor glued crudely around her, trying to keep her safe from the demons. I don’t want that, not for her. The urge to protect her is even stronger than last night. I wonder if I saw something that reminded me of myself, that tried to reveal her broken pieces. Misery loves company, but I thought she was my rainbow, not a matching cloud.
“Thanks for the noise,” she mumbles.
I look over, surprised that she’s even talking yet. “It sounded like you needed a bit of an out on that call. I hope I didn’t overstep. I don’t want to cause you trouble.”
