I’ve always wanted to travel across the southern states, and I immediately adore it. It reminds me ofmypeople and how free we are in America. I now see what Dante means about our great nation, and I find bliss. We are not bogged down with old European traditions and class issues and people in our nation have more rights.
I head further south, and I fly to Rio in Brazil. I work on book two, and slowly I feel better. My heart still feels like it’s been cut in two, but I’m not staying in bed for half the day.
Week two, I fly to Argentina, and oh my god, the guys are glorious.
Tanned, slim, dark, and mysterious.
I fall in love with the stunning city of Buenos Aires and the architecture. I also do a little dancing. Actually, a lot, and I try out some of the Latino dance styles. I also see some truly amazing locations and I photograph in black and white, and I write.
Week three, I lose my shit.
But screw it! I want to see the entire world. I go rogue and I fly to Cairo in Egypt, and then on to Casablanca. Morocco isexotic and stunning. The travel inspires me to write better and deeper.
I’m back doing yoga daily and my energy is rebuilding.
I use my unlimited world flight package, and the more travel I do, the less I think about Dante. That’s a lie, but it helps distract me, and I try and cut free of him.
It’s hard because Dante did things to me no one will ever do to me again. He also made me feel loved. He cared for me. He protected me. He worshipped me, and he made me come so hard I was worried about returning to earth at times.
I know I’ll never find another, and I have to live with that. It’s just hard.
Dante was my first true love, and I guess I became addicted to him, to what we built together. It kills me not to be able to have him in my life.
I just need to forget about love, forget about sex and that kind of life. I’m best alone, and I’m safe alone… It’s how it must be.
I take another free flight to Bangkok on the package, and then another down to the famous tropical islands of Thailand.
I find a perfect beach in Koh Samui, and just like the images I’d seen online and heard about, it’s truly stunning. The locals are gentle and friendly.
The sun, sea, salt, lagoons, coconuts, mangoes, pineapples, and palms feed my soul, and maybe this here is where I can really heal.
And forget himand forget us.
I have to stop thinking about him. I cannot go on like this, and it is unhealthy.
I write fast, and with flow, and I push through much of novel two. Finally, its feel, tone, and style are in the zone, and I personally feel less of a cold mess.
I love the novel’s cosmic-high-concept realm, and it touches on ‘all is one,’ ‘everything happens for a reason,’ and a few other high concepts… things like in book one.
There is also a guy and a girl, but they are only spiritually connected. They meet and only stay friends. It’s better that way.
Love hurts, and not everyone will find love or even should.
After writing hard for the week beachside, I reach out to Dad, and we do a Zoom call. I emailed him after the book deal, and he was excited. It is however time, again. Dad looks great as Zoom connects, and he is in our old home in Virginia.
“Hey, darling,” he says as he leans against his kitchen island, coffee in hand. “Look, I just finished your book, and I’m proud! So proud, and I miss you.”
I wipe an eye and melt inside.
Deep down, I feel good inside. Kind of… I’m also proud for the first time in my life.
Dad leans in, and he takes in the palms behind me. Then my wet eyes.
“Listen, are you okay, darling? Why the face, and where the hell are you? L.A.? San Diego?”
“I’m… I’m okay,” I mumble. “No, I’m well. Just a bit heartbroken.”
Thinking about Dante just before the Zoom was stupid. No more thinking about him. He hurt me.
