Shame filled me. All this time, I’d mentally chastised my mother for letting her heart lead her astray. I’d considered her weak. Now, I saw that she wasn’t. She was strong. It was easy to shut others out, to build up walls and defenses that no one could break down the way I had. It was incredibly difficult to allow people in, knowing they might hurt you in the end. That sounded terrifying, but also exhilarating.
“Is this boy worth it?” Mom said, obviously meaning Nate.
I thought about it. My inner wolf gave her opinion loud and clear. Finally, I nodded slowly, a smile creeping onto my lips.
“He is.”
“Then don’t worry about what you’ve done wrong.” She brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. “Worrying about the past is a fool’s game. Worry about thenow.”
Wiping my eyes, I chuckled. “When did you get so smart?”
Mom took another forkful of cake and grinned. “I’ve always been this smart. It just took you this long to realize it. It’s okay,mija. I always knew you were the slowest of my two children.”
I gasped and tossed a paper napkin at her. “How dare you?”
We devolved into a fit of giggles as we finished our cake.
While we waited for dinner to finish cooking, we discussed more banal subjects. My mind sporadically drifted to Nate. I couldn’t change the past. I knew that. Hell, I’d basically told Nate the exact same thing a few days before. Now, I actually understood what it meant, and I promised myself I’d do exactly what Mom said. Live in the present, and worry about the now. I wouldn’t give up on Nate, and I wouldn’t give up on myself.
50
Nate
Dickey’s Bar had a different atmosphere to it this time. Though, maybe that was my change of perspective since my last visit. When I’d first stepped in here to meet Ollie a few weeks ago, I was a completely different person. Not only had I been sullen and distant, but I’dtrulybeen a different person. In a few short hours, I’d gone from a bad boy who’d been tossed out on his ass by shithead parents in the cold and grew up in foster hell to a person whose parents had died in a tragic car crash. Ihadn’tbeen turned out to fend for myself. I’d had real parents who had probably loved and cared for me. It made the loss a lot harder to accept.
Now, with all that running through my mind, I sat staring into the glass at my whiskey, wondering how to make the two halves of myself become one. The old me, and the new me. The old me, who rode into towns on his bike, did some work, took some women to bed, and then bolted. The guy who hadn’t taken shit from anyone and had never really cared to get close to people. That person was the polar opposite of what I’d become.A man who actuallywantedto join a pack and follow an alpha. A man who was rapidly falling for—who was bonded to—a woman he’d just met.
I no longer understood my past. It was a hard thing to come to terms with. I would need alotmore alcohol before I was done.
“Hey there, handsome,” a voice said from behind me. “Long time, no see.”
I winced, recognizing the voice. Monica. The server I’d met here all those weeks ago. I’d saved her from that douchebag shifter who’d been making trouble. The last time I’d heard her voice was when I’d dropped her off at her apartment and she’d tried to entice me to go up and have a little fun. I’d come really close to taking her up on the offer. I’d declined, but it had been a tough decision.
Whowasthat guy who could contemplate doing that with someone when he barely knew them? Had that really been my life? After meeting Cameron, things had drastically changed.
Plastering a fake smile to my lips, I turned to greet her. “Fancy meeting you here,” I said with as much joviality as I could muster.
Monica ran her finger down my arm, and I had to fight not to flinch away. “You never called,” she said with a bit of a pout. “When I gave you my number, I thought I might hear from you soon.”
“Uh, I had to head out of town for a bit. Sorry.”
She tilted her head to the side. Her tongue darted out, and she wet her lower lip. “You can make it up to me if you want. I get off at midnight.”
“I… uh… you see?—”
“He’s taken, I’m afraid,” Ollie said, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “Got a business deal he’s handling. Maybe next time, honey.”
My jaw fell open as I turned to stare at Ollie. Where thefuckhad he come from? I wasn’t upset—I needed the save—but I was surprised. I’d anticipated drinking alone until final call, then stumbling to the nearest hotel.
“Oh.” Monica’s lower lip jutted out as she frowned. “Sure. I get it. Maybe next time?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I simply lifted my glass toward her as if toasting, gave her a nod, and followed Ollie to a different table. Monica looked a bit hurt and disappointed. Normally, I’d have felt bad about hurting her feelings. Right now, I only felt bad about actually giving her any hope to begin with. That feeling alone was a strange experience. Thankfully, she was too busy to do more than give me a sad little wave before going back to work.
“Isn’t that the hot little number you vanished with the night you got into town?” Ollie said as he took his seat.
“We aren’t talking about me,” I snapped. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Ollie smiled sarcastically. “This is my home bar, bro. I come here all the time.”
