Staring after him, I wrapped my arms around myself. I got it—he needed time to process. All I could do was hope he came out the other side the same man. Maybe a better man? The bitterness that colored a lot of Nate’s personality came directly from the mental self-portrait he’d painted, and most of that had come from the night I’d just described to him.
After a few seconds, I followed him back to the car. Nate was already behind the wheel. His face was a mask of emotion and confusion.
“How do you feel?” I asked as I buckled my seat belt.
“Good. Fine,” he said. “I think.”
In the past, I’d have been scared that I’d upset him, that I’d somehowruinedsomething for him. It was part of why I’d had little luck with men. I always made sure not to upset them because I was afraid they’d leave. Like my father, like my stepfather, like all of them. That desire to keep things perfect, even to my own detriment, had always caused my relationships to sour.
This was different. Nate deserved the truth, even if that meant things got a little uncomfortable. Perhaps a more direct approach would have worked better, but judging by his reaction so far, he’d have refused to come here if he’d known.
“Do you believe the story?” I asked.
Nate shrugged as he turned the car around to go back the way we’d come. “I don’t know. Maybe. If they were looking for a little boy, wouldn’t they have connected that to the kid who wound up at the nearest shop? Maybe it was a really weird coincidence.”
“Yeah, but back then, conversation between departments wasn’t great. Also,” I added hesitantly, “there’s the possibility that the caseworker you had was just really bad at their job.I don’t like that idea, but I have to admit it’s possible. Worse things have happened due to laziness or incompetence.”
“Did, uh, did these Bishop people have any other family?”
The question pierced my very soul. Could there have been a distraught grandparent or aunt who would have taken Nate in and given him a better life?
“The article I found didn’t say anything about that, so I doubt it. I could do some more research, if you want?”
“Maybe.” He cleared his throat. “Uh, Cameron, why didn’t you tell me we were coming here?”
My blood ran cold.
“I mean, you suggested this route. You turned the wrong way out of the parking lot. You knew we were coming here, right?”
It might have been better if he looked angry or bitter. But instead, he just looked confused and a little hurt.
I put my hand on his forearm and squeezed. “Nate, I thought about telling you. I really did. I almost told you last night, but… well, a lot had happened, and I made a split-second decision on the way back to take us this way. I’d read the article and worried you’d refuse to come if you knew beforehand. I’m probably a shitty person for it, but there it is.”
Nate took a deep breath. “You aren’t a shitty person.” His voice was low and even, and I wasn’t sure whether I believed him.
“Are we okay?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
He didn’t answer, but he took my hand and laced our fingers together.
The rest of the drive passed in a quiet bubble of emotion. I wished I could see into his mind and know what was going on in there, but I allowed him his peace. I sat, holding his hand, until we got home.
49
Cameron
When we pulled up outside my apartment, the first thing I noticed was the guy sitting on a bench outside, reading a book. This wasn’t exactly the sort of neighborhood where a person spent a leisurely afternoon reading a book outside. After sniffing the air, I realized I recognized his scent. A faint trace of JC’s smell lingered on him as well. The guy waved a hand in greeting.
“Pack member,” Nate said, waving back. “Looks like JC kept his word about watching over you and your family.”
The man, obviously a bodyguard of some sort, went back to his book, and I wondered if there were any more of these people around, watching my mom and brother. That thought took a backseat to my worry about Nate. He’d been withdrawn and quiet the entire trip back.
“Are yousureyou’re all right?” I asked, putting a hand on his thigh.
I expected him to sigh heavily and nod. He surprised me by giving a more honest answer.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I need some time to think. To look into it for myself.” He shook his head, looking so damn helpless my heart broke. “Figure out what all this means.”
“That makes total sense. I’d expect nothing less. Nate, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
