She totally will.
I scan over it.
Chase’s Totally Chill & Not Desperate “Couples Retreat” Weekend Schedule-
Followed by the Rest of the Week’s Schedule.
* * *
(Subtitled: Win Her Back Without Getting Slapped—unless it’s with her lush ass cheeks— or Arrested)
Friday:
Arrival cocktails: Passionfruit Palomas
Icebreaker game: “Most Inappropriate First Impression”
Group dinner: Taco bar + aphrodisiac trivia
No “scheduled” activities after 9 PM (wink)
Saturday:
Morning yoga (led by me in gray sweatpants—weaponized warfare and I’m not even ashamed. It’s gonna be hot as hell though.)
Trust fall relay race (where I will absolutely let her catch me, dramatically)
Couple’s cooking competition (she’ll sabotage me, I’ll let her win, she’ll fall in love- all over again)
Sunset “Naked Honesty” hot tub hour (see also: emotional foreplay)
Sunday:
Mimosa breakfast
Me, on one knee, pretending it’s a joke… (until it’s not.)
Monday through Friday stuff.
Rolling the typed, I’m fancy, paper list back up, I hide it again under the master bathroom sink.
When Roxy finds it, she’ll either:
A. Burn it
B. Frame it ironically
C. Use it as Exhibit A in the divorce—she can add it to the color-coded folder she already has—which, frankly, would still be kinda romantic.
The truth is, I don’t care how messy it gets. I don’t care how many cupcakes she throws at me. Or how many insults she gift-wraps in sarcasm. The number of therapy notes she dramatically reads at dinner is irrelevant.
I’m not giving up. She’s not just my wife.
She’s my best friend. My favorite argument.
She’s my person and my home.
And even if she hates that I booked this thing behind her back… she still came. Because for her, I’m all of those things, too
