The hell? They clearly are not screwing each other’s brains out.
Sitting down, I cross my legs before sliding my sunglasses down to cover my eyes.
Chase sits next to me. His knee touches mine.
I don’t move. I also don’t breathe.
“Today,” Sasha says, “we’re going to do The Mirror Exercise.”
Cue the ominous music in my brain.
“You’ll sit across from your partner, hold eye contact, and repeat the sentence, ‘What I’m afraid to tell you is…’ Fill in the blank. Five times. Each. Without laughing. Without looking away.”
Oh, awesome. This is flipping just great.
So, we’re just going to rip my soul out and use it as a drink coaster.
Fucking fantastic.
We go last because of course we do.
We can’t have done this shit in private. No, when it’s each couple’s turn, the rest of us are just listening in. Our insecurities are on full display, like entertainment.
Fuck you, Sasha.
Chase sits across from me with his eyes full of love.
Suddenly, I’m furious.
How dare he still look at me like I’m worth… everything.
He goes first. “What I’m afraid to tell you is... I still dream about our wedding night.” He says it calmly, no hesitation.
I blink.
Shit.
My turn. “What I’m afraid to tell you is... I think I love you more when you get angry, because you’re never angry. And you should be. It’s real.”
He tenses.
Well, he should be. I push him away and take him for granted all of the time. Because I’m scared he’s going to realize that he can do so much better than this train full of crazy where I’m the conductor and all of the passengers.
His voice is raw as he says, “What I’m afraid to tell you is... I’ve never taken off my ring. Not even once.”
He flips his hand. There it is. The one I bought him after we got married. Tungsten and sterling silver. It’s worn. Familiar. Still his. And he’s still mine.
I want to look away… but I don’t.
“My turn,” I whisper. “What I’m afraid to tell you is... I want you to come home. Every day. Every time I tell you to leave. I don’t want you to leave. I just don’t know how to do this.”
The circle is silent. So is my heartbeat which is insane because the organ responsible is about to jump out of my chest.
Damnit, Roxy.
I just said the most honest thing I’ve ever said out loud.
And he didn’t flinch.
