Not wanting to think about the result, I shake my head and wave in front of my face to keep the makeup I did for a dinner party from running. I don’t usually wear makeup to get dolled up, but with Lianne and my outing, I have been liking the extra touch it does for my eyes. It makes me feel pretty. Not that I need it, but it’s something special just for me.
As I look myself over, shame and guilt drowns me. I need to offer my forgiveness again. Every day since Kameron touched me, I have been offering, and I don’t know there is anywhere else to burn, unless I started to repeat in sections.
I let a man touch me in a way I’m supposed to keep for my chosen husband.
Why did I do that? I let the evil part of my mind win. A part of me that the Divine would call an abomination.
Yet the voice is proud and still shouting for more in the back of my head.
I knew this would bring bad omens my way, going against the Divine.
The worst part is, I don’t want it to stop talking to me.
I don’t know if the stinging in my eyes is from how bad I feel about allowing this to happen or if it’s from the fact that it might never happen again.
“Are you ready, miss?”
I snap back to my reflection in the mirror, not allowing tears to ruin my makeup.
Abigail walks out of the closet with an outfit in one hand and shoes dangling from the other. I rush to help her with it, but she shoos me away. “Don’t bother yourself with that. I have got it, miss.”
“I wish you would let me help you sometimes.”
“That’s my job, not yours.” She grins at me. “Now, what do we think? Huh?” She holds up the champagne dress with a lace mock neckline.
“Perfect. Samuel will love it.” I sigh.
“But do you love it?”
Abigail’s question throws me off.
“It will do,” I reply, not wanting to say too much.
If it were up to me, I would pick something different, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be beige, pewter, or champagne.
“Then, I will leave you to it.” With a nod, she makes her way toward the door. When she stops at the door, she faces me one more time. “You look beautiful, by the way. Your makeup suits you so well.” A faint smile plays on her lips before she steps out.
I finish getting ready, then head to the front door, where Samuel will meet me to head out for dinner.
This is his first new member’s dinner he is hosting, the first one he is taking on for our father, Divine’s Vessel.
Even though he is acting like it is no big deal, I can tell he is nervous.
“All dolled up, are we?” Mrs. Donovan’s heels clack on the hard surface of the floor.
“You look beautiful as always, Mrs. Donovan.” I bow, trying to keep the peace.
Rolling her eyes, she giggles like what I said is a joke.
Samuel enters the room and kisses me on the cheek before gesturing me out the door. “My ladies clean up nicely. The Divine will be pleased.”
* * *
The ceremony hall is all done up in its shiny glory for the dinner. Caterers walk around with bite-size hors d’oeuvres on silver platters for the women in the room.
During these events, the women and men start in different wings to mingle, then join each other at the dining hall. The after-dinner event will be all of us together.
I have to keep my hip attached to Lianne’s. I don’t really talk to other people in the community, and they don’t really talk to me. Lianne knows this and always stays by my side whenever Samuel is not with me.
