The nurses know what they are doing, but being there makes my nerves at ease. He is the whole reason I’m saved from the world I lived in before here. A world of sparse meals and rags for clothes. Harsh words and rough touches. He is the reason I am here in this house, him and Samuel.
I walked in just as they are tucking Mr. Donovan into bed. His body is still, but his eyes look happy to see me.
“Ms. Donovan.” The nurse bows her head as I take a seat in the chair placed by the head of the bed. She comes around with Mr. Donovan’s copy ofThe Chapters of the Divine.
I have been doing my nightly prayers with him since he came back from the hospital. I think he enjoys it, finding comfort in the words and company.
Starting with the verse we left off on the night before, I say each word in a hushed tone to keep the room calm. Allowing time for him to fully relax and rest. Flipping page after page, not wanting to stop. I need him to know I care and am here for him.
Mrs. Donovan no longer sleeps in the same room as him, saying it’s too distracting, with nurse’s having to rotate him and give him meds throughout the night.
“He is asleep already, you know?”
Samuel’s voice makes me jump.
I don’t know much time has passed as I read the verses of the Divine to our father, but when I look at him, he is sound asleep.
“What time is it?”
“Late?” he says, pushing off the doorway he is leaning on. “I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“I wanted to keep him company.” I look away from Samuel to where our father lies.
He never used to be alone at night, and it makes my heart ache for him to think of him being lonely and not even being able to vocalize it.
“You give him all your attention as it is.” He takes the chapters out of my hand, shutting firmly before laying on the nightstand. “I’m here, too.”
Tiredness lines his eyes. He has been nonstop, with working the community and the company. But something else has set in his eyes. He looks... sad. My heart pangs at the notion that it’s because of me.
I grab his hand as he cups my cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you feel left out.”
He exhales. “I miss my Eden is all.” He crowds the chair I sit in, looking down at me, and I can read the way he means those words.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I close my eyes and lean into his hand.
“Come to bed?” he says, pulling his hand away, and I go to grab it.
But he doesn’t walk away and lets me take his hand.
We walk out, and I glance over my shoulder one last time, wishing my father a good night’s sleep.
It doesn’t register how tired I am until I have to walk down the long halls, away from the wing of the house Mr. Donovan rests in.
Samuel lets me lean my head against his side as we make our way to the hallway where our rooms reside. Pausing, he looks down at me. When I smile at him, he scoops me up in his big, strong arms. I’m too tired to stop him, and I don’t want to. I feel safe here in his arms. I always have.
“Come to bed...with me?” he asks quietly, like it would be wrong for someone to hear him say that.
We used to sleep in each other’s beds all the time before the night of Mr. Donovan’s incident, but with my need to help him and Samuel’s workload, we haven’t done that in years.
I want to make him happy tonight, so I nod. The smile on his lips lets me know he is happy about my answer.
He pushes his bedroom door open with me still in his arms and places me carefully on the bed. I’m still in my day clothes, and he looks over at me before digging in a dresser door, then hands me one of his shirts. “Here, this will be more comfortable than those.” After he gestures to my clothes, he dips, removes my flats, and lines them up by the end of the bed. Unbuttoning his shirt, he makes his way to the bathroom. “I’ll give you a moment.”
I look down to the shirt he gave me, then back to the open bathroom doorway. I can see him shirtless in the mirror, and I avert my eyes back to my hands. I rush to change out of my clothes and into the shirt.
Samuel is way taller than me, so his shirt is like a dress on me. But he didn’t give me any bottoms. It’s fine. It’s just Samuel.
I brush my anxiety to the side and crawl into bed under the duvet.
