“Like she did me, about seeing John.”
“Right.” Mary flashed on Bennie’s question, back in the interview room before the detectives had entered. “She feels bad about that, she told me.”
“She did?”
“Yes,” Mary answered, though it was only partly true. Judy needed the comfort tonight, and Bennie had felt bad about giving Judy a hard time. Plus, a white lie was only a venial sin.
“I know why she said it, I get it. I knew she’d feel that way, that’s why I didn’t tell her. I know it didn’t make it right, but it wasn’t like that, it was…” Judy’s sentence trailed off, and her gaze wandered over to the couch, where Anthony and the dog were sleeping. “It’s just so sad, that’s all, and in any event, it’s the definition of a moot point. John’s gone, so whether he was an associate and I was a partner doesn’t matter at all.”
“I’m so sorry, honey,” Mary said, though she had said it before, many times. She remembered that when she was grieving her first husband, she hadn’t understood why people saidI’m sorry, since it wasn’t their fault. But now, she understood. It really meant,I’m sorry this happened to you, and that moment of empathy made us human.
“He was such a sweet guy. I tried to call William’s cell, but there was no answer. They have to turn their cell phones off at night in the group home.”
“How well do you know William?”
“Pretty well. John would go out there, mostly every Sunday, and I went with him lots of times. William saw me more often than his aunt and uncle. His aunt is their mom’s older sister, Susan Hodge. Her husband’s name is Mel.”
“Do you know them?”
“No, never met them. John wasn’t that close to them, and I bet they don’t even know about me.” Judy’s gaze stayed on the couch. “I’m guessing the police were able to reach the Hodges, since they’re next of kin. John was so orderly, he probably has them as the emergency contact for him and for William. So they probably reached William. I guess I’ll leave it to them to tell him, right? They’re family.”
“Right,” Mary said, though her definition of family was changing as she’d gotten older. She had grown closer to Judy and further away from her own twin sister, Angie. Even though Mary had been raised in a family where blood was as thick as tomato sauce, she felt as if Judy were her sister. And she was starting to understand that family was something you weren’t born with, but chose.
“I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about John and me.”
“Don’t worry, I understand.” Mary patted Judy’s leg again. “I know you love me.”
“I do, I really do, and I knew you wouldn’t tell Bennie. It’s just that, it was like we wanted to keep it to ourselves, like, our thing. You know, John and I are so different,wereso different, and I just didn’t know how it would be, out in the open. We’re not the likeliest couple. The preppie and the goofball.”
“You’re not a goofball.”
“Well, whatever.” Judy’s gaze returned to the couch. “It’s like we were incubating, you know? I told him that once. I said, ‘Let’s see if we just grow on our own, see what hatches.’ He was fine with that, he didn’t want anybody to know, but honestly, his reason for keeping it secret didn’t have to do with what Bennie would think or anybody else.”
“Then why?”
“He was more private, naturally. That’s why I’m nottotallyshocked that he didn’t tell me he wanted to leave the firm, or that he felt the way he felt about why he didn’t make partner, or even that he was interviewing. He was a big processor, like, hebrooded. He would’ve told me when he was ready, when he had it sorted. He kept himself to himself.”
“That’s a perfect description of John.”
“Isn’t it?” Judy dabbed her eyes. “I was crazy about him, I really was. We’re so different, but it was yin and yang, you know?”
“I bet.” Mary had wondered about that. “So opposites attract?”
“Not exactly, but close, but I think in some ways we had the same take on life, and deep inside, we were alike. Like even though I’m more confessional and never shut up about my emotions, he felt things very deeply. He was a private guy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have emotions. It just meant he didn’t talk about them.”
“I understand.” Mary nodded, thinking when she had mistaken Bennie’s businesslike manner at the crime scene for professionalism, when it was really just a cover. “You and me are so yappy, we don’t always get it when people aren’t.”
“Exactly.” Judy’s mouth set in a forlorn line, the corners turning down. “John and I were happy, really happy. I couldn’t have been happier. I think he was too, even though he was less vocal about it, but we were in love, we said it, I said it first, of course, because you know how I am, but he said it later, at a Phillies game of all places.” Judy almost smiled at the memory, her gaze still in the middle distance. “He loved baseball and we went all the time. He was so excited about the season. It just started.”
“Youwent to a baseball game?” Mary asked, incredulous. Judy always said she avoided anything with a sportsball and rules you couldn’t break.
“Yes,me.” Judy’s eyes flared happily. “I got the hat and everything. I even ate a hot dog. Me, a vegetarian.”
Mary smiled. “Did you like it?”
“Of course, I’m not crazy, and it was so fun to go, especially because John always buys the program and writes down the hits and runs, whatever, I don’t even know why, but he did it. He has a record of every baseball game he ever went to.”
“I’ve seen those guys at the game, writing stuff down. I can’t believe he was one of those guys.”
